At some point in your life, if you’re a guy, you’ve certainly heard the phrase “no pain, no gain.”
Well, what does it really mean? To some men, it means that if you don’t suffer, then you’re not going to get anything or get anywhere. Well, this is partly true.
My own interpretation is this:
The Pain
If you are the type of guy who stuff’s his feelings and pain of any kind, emotional or otherwise, then you are a “pain-avoider” and the “no pain, no gain” approach doesn’t really work for you. You’re saying might be “No pain, No pain, No pain.” But unfortunately you will still feel pain, even though you think you avoided it or got away with something.
So, my bias is this, Why not turn toward your pain whatever it may be and face it head on?
For example, let’s say you are getting sucked into the economic meltdown on the news everyday and it is becoming a real pain in the ass. The pain starts with an external trigger such as “bad economic news.” You now have some choices. 1) Turn off the TV or news 2) Pretend it’s not happening. Or, 3) turn toward the external trigger “bad economic news” and then, this is the crucial next step, turn toward what it is bringing up in you, such as your feelings of fear or anger.
The Gain
But why do this? Because if you choose not to feel the pain that you feel in relationship to most things in your life, you are cutting off a huge opportunity to “gain.” When you turn away, the only person that loses is you.
So, my strong suggestion is to man up and relate to your pain. Turn toward it, whatever it is. The external trigger of your pain could be money, a sour relationship, death of a loved one, a co-worker, your career, whatever. Next, feel the pain associated with the external trigger and see what happens.
Trust me, if you stay with it long enough, it will turn in to a big gain, but you have to turn toward the fire and stand in it. Another sign of a revolutionary man in the making—turning toward what is painful in life, rather than away from it.
Gain awaits. All you have to do, is relate to and turn toward your pain.
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[...] is your relationship to your own suffering and the suffering around you? Do you run? Hide? Or turn toward what is uncomfortable? Stay tuned for future post on what we as men can learn from teachers like the Dali Lama and [...]
[...] is your relationship to your own suffering and the suffering around you? Do you run? Hide? Or turn toward what is uncomfortable? Stay tuned for future post on what we as men can learn from teachers like the Dalai Lama and [...]