Comments on: Why Boys and Grown Men Surf Porn

By: Jayson

Jayson — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 05:10:15 +0000

yes. in this post or in general?

By: N

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 04:46:07 +0000

Hi Jason,

I appreciate your work. Can you please include non-heterosexual people in your examples?

By: Keir

Keir — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 11:30:22 +0000

My feeling is that porn use is so rife because we are going through a shift in the way that men relate to women, and women to men. Men and women have both grown up with judgement about their sex drives (and desire for intimacy), judgement that separates us from it as much as porn does.

Accepting the desire for porn within us is an important step of accepting what is, rather than bullshitting. On my journey I have met a lot of judgemental men and women who are shameful of their own sex drives, so finding people who are real about their shame and on the quest for healing is refreshing.

I have found it useful to connect with the type of porn and to connect with that within myself. What I found is that by looking at the archetypes at work in the imbalance of intimacy, I became more aware of the part within me that I was subconsciously trying to be more intimate with, but felt fearful of.

The fear of connecting to that part was how I was programmed by both my mother and my father, as well as by society, and it is in my experience a very broadly held program, which is now coming to light so we can choose more authentic intimacy with ourselves and others. Judging as ‘perverse’ the childlike exploration of our shamed selves is the same abusive relationship as that propounded in porn.

Thanks for bringing this to the table

By: Jayson

Jayson — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 04:35:19 +0000

Guy, I hear your frustration for sure. Might be true that some of the damning attitude stuff is from the female painbody, but then the other half of the equation would be from the male pain-body. I also wonder if hiding is serving you or your partner. sounds like you might be scared to feel some discomfort in your own body/experience if you are more fully you. thanks for your honest expression here.

By: guy

guy — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:04:52 +0000

I only hide my very minimal porn use because everytime i have been open about it my partner judges and demonises what for me is a curious exploration of my own sexuality. I find the damning attitude towards self responsible non addictive use of porn to be an expression of the female painbody – which would be fine if it was treated that way rather than an ignorant righteous crusade of judgements in which there is ZERO space for insight or genuine communication. Pure righteous rage parading as integrity. And yes i feel very frustrated.

By: Tom Billing37

Tom Billing37 — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 21:36:00 +0000

I always thought guys surfed porn bc they were confusing sex for intimacy & were looking for intimacy & of course, release.

By: Marina

Marina — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 09:34:17 +0000

This is fascinating! I'm continually
moved by my deepening understanding of the mind~body relationship. I loved
this. It made me wonder what unconscious cultural beliefs about men are behind
the cultural obsession with circumcision. . .

By: Marina

Marina — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 03:34:17 +0000

By: Jayson

Jayson — Thu, 05 May 2011 01:56:03 +0000

time to tell the truth and get even more real in your relationship. sounds like you are withholding some, my guess he is too. things sound complacently good. you can choose that, or choose to risk more.

By: Jayson

Jayson — Thu, 05 May 2011 01:46:45 +0000

great question. having no sex drive is probably a symptom of something else going on. no, to kill his sex drive to collude with hers would be to abandon oneself. but perhaps there is a deeper element missing in your relationship. my guess is that it's not just about the sex