The Secret to Lasting, Genuine Change That Sticks

Photo by Josh Levin

Photo by Josh Levin

It’s near the new year, the solstice has happened and the days are getting longer. This translates into you giving birth to another aspect of yourself, your vision, and what you want in your life.

Or, it leads to another year gone by….

For years, I worked in wilderness therapy programs for troubled teens. The kids sent to these programs were often kidnapped by “escorts” in the middle of the night and taken to a remote wilderness location for one to four months.

Ninety nine percent of the time, the kids sent to these programs didn’t want to be there. They were forced to be there by their parents and the expectation from the parents was  “fix my kid.”  From the beginning it was always a set up.

The kids would show up shut down, angry, scared, and very resistant. Within days or weeks, they understood that the key to leaving the program was to “play the game.” Many kids would fake it and others would genuinely try to change. Regardless, the fuel for their change was usually motivated by one or two forces: (more…)

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Why Original Sin Is Nonsense

Original SinEvery so often I work with someone who has been dramatically impacted by the tragic teachings of original sin.

After we do some coaching together, we uncover that they believe they are fundamentally bad, wrong, or unlovable.

How did this happen I wonder? Where in the hell did they get this kind of message? For the lucky few that had great parents and teachers, who planted this seed?

One answer—original sin and “the church.”

Reginald A. Ray, the former head of the Religious Studies program at Naropa University and long-time Buddhist teacher told me once that in his 45 years experience teaching thousands of Western students meditation, he believed that original sin is responsible for why so many people have a negative view of themselves.

Of course it’s not the only reason.

When we are little kids, we pretty much believe what the big people tell us. Hence, racisim, sexism, and various forms of (more…)

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Fear Or Love?

Consider the quote below and test it against your own experience.

When you are judging another person, is it coming from fear? What about when you think you are better than someone else? And how can you really know when you are afraid and what is it like to own up to that fact?

Leave a comment about what you find…

“ There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life. ”

–John Lennon

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Why Men (And New Dads Like Tiger Woods) Have Affairs

Tiger WoodsHow can the most successful, famous, money-winning golfer in history be such a mess when it comes to his personal life?


He, like you and me, is human. And it just goes to demonstrate that you can have all the money in the world and be famous beyond belief and still have many, many issues that you would rather no one know about. Tiger Woods having one or more affairs behind his wife’s back is no surprise.

From John Edwards to Martin Luther King Jr, no one is above relationship challenges.  No one is above the human condition. That’s the good news for all you men out there who think you can act perfect and hide your issues.

If you are in a long term relationship or married, you realize that challenge is simply part of the terrain. You also realize that if you want a dynamic relationship, you must face (more…)

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Can Feeling Too Much, Shut You Down? (Guest Post)

Michael Murray of Ride with a Purpose

Michael Murray of Ride with a Purpose

This is the first in a series of “guest posts” RM will be sharing. If you have an important story or experience that may benefit other men, ping me and I’ll consider posting it for all to read.

This post is written by my friend Michael. He posted it on his Facebook profile as a “note.” It caught my attention because he really puts himself out there and I think you can learn from how he worked with his “shut down.”

I’ve known Michael for over 2 years now. In 2007, I was facilitating the Red Pill weekend with Ray Brejcha, Bryan Bayer and the crew.

On day two of the workshop, Michael looked as though (more…)

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