Thanks for writing it and provoking some thought! I think cheating starts with “emotional cheating” first….prevent this and you can prevent progression into physical/mental etc…..

Thanks again,

Thanks for the post. I enjoy reading about other men’s relationship opinions and experiences as I grew up with a single mom and no grandparents to learn from.

I agree with practically everything you said and would add that the “purpose” of the relationship is key. To me it makes sense that a couple do as you state (get real with themselves and each other and self develop and communicate) but also be clear on the “purpose” of the relationship and the roles and check in regularly around that

Is it to play masculine man, feminen female while raising a child or family for the betterment of planet Earth? Is it simply to grow old together and keep each other company? To support each other on their own individual and shared missions? The woman to support the man from home on his mission which in turn becomes part of hers? Part of or all of the above? Monogomy? Polyamory? (sp?)

These days there are so many different ideas floating around so quickly through media that the vigorous communication and attention to the purpose of a relationship is vital as well as the boundries and standards.

Thank you for bringing this up for discussion.

Joshua

Thanks for the post. I enjoy reading about other men’s relationship opinions and experiences as I grew up with a single mom and no grandparents to learn from.

I agree with practically everything you said and would add that the “purpose” of the relationship is key. To me it makes sense that a couple do as you state (get real with themselves and each other and self develop and communicate) but also be clear on the “purpose” of the relationship and the roles and check in regularly around that

Is it to play masculine man, feminen female while raising a child or family for the betterment of planet Earth? Is it simply to grow old together and keep each other company? To support each other on their own individual and shared missions? The woman to support the man from home on his mission which in turn becomes part of hers? Part of or all of the above? Monogomy? Polyamory? (sp?)

These days there are so many different ideas floating around so quickly through media that the vigorous communication and attention to the purpose of a relationship is vital as well as the boundries and standards.

Thank you for bringing this up for discussion.

Thanks for your comment. I don’t have any delusions that one person can ever fulfill ALL our needs/wants/desires. If you have read my “Is she the one?” post, you’d remember that I”m with you on that one.

I never said to “surpress” anything. Of course we will always have attraction to others outside our primary relationship and it’s how we work with that energy that is important. To begin to pay attention to your own objectifying/appreciating attractive women (others) behavior is a good practice. It’s not always about appreciation. It can often be a symptom of some unexpressed feeling, sensation, need, or emotion. And if this goes unchecked, a guy can end up in Vegas and make some piss poor choices. Lack of self-awareness is the issue.

And you are dead on with you last sentence. Again, I’d read this: http://revolutionaryman.com/2009/08/is-she-the-one/

That said, I do not agree with the “leaking energy elsewhere” part. One single person can never fulfill *all* our needs and desires, and love, affection, or lust, is not a finite resource anyway (time and attention is however).

You also imply that checking someone out is, even in a solid relationship, harmful to an extent (and if it is “threatening”, it may not be the act that is the cause, but the interpretation). Again I don’t agree. Marriage does not come with blinkers, nor should it. And the ring on our finger does not cut off blood flow from/to the genitals. Being attracted to other people is completely natural, and I could never require from my partner that she should never be attracted to someone else. Fixing the relationship should be about *being honest*, with yourself and your partner, I definitely agree with that, but suppressing completely natural urges should not be a part of the fix (and may in fact just cause further problems).

Men need to come clean with what *they* want, for themselves and for their relationship, and not try to fit into template for how a “happy” relationship “should” be, based on societal assumptions about love and attraction.