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Why am I so scared to Trust?

I feel scared to trust my life. I mean, really trust it–completely.

I was reminded last night in my bouts of grief that I came into this world, not trusting, not having faith. That was the core imprint. It’s been the slow undercurrent of my experience to date.

When external stressors turn on, I feel gripped. I feel as though I need to manufacture security.

The tape goes like this: External security (i.e. finances being stable) equals trusting my life. If finances are unstable, so am I.

In other words, if my finances get resolved and I feel “secure”, then I can finally trust. And, maybe that is true in some capacity.

However, I want it the other

By |October 31st, 2010|self-knowledge|10 Comments|

Men & Women Telling the Truth Together–Busting Out of The Gender Boxes

gender boxLet’s face it. Men and women are stuck in gender boxes.

I remember only a year ago saying to my wife when she tried to put a light colored shirt on my son, “Honey that’s too feminine.” WTF? After her calling me on that, I realized what was driving that comment— me being trapped in the gender code of “boys wear blue, girls wear pink.”

Below that code was fearing my son would be labeled gay or feminine. Wow. Misogyny all over again. It was subtle, but that was my disdain for the feminine in me.

I had pushed down that “feminine” part of myself so far that it went underground. When this happens we let other people and our culture dictate what is true for us. From the unconscious we have little choice.  So I began to shine a big light on MY feminine.

Over and over, we are taught from a very young age (even birth and in utero), how to be a boy and how to be a girl. Don’t act like this, don’t act like that. Wear this color, don’t wear that color.

Over time this traps us in a boy code and a girl code. Behavior outside the “code” is not acceptable as one may face

By |October 13th, 2010|relationships, women|8 Comments|

The Straightjacket of David Deida

When I first got a copy of “Way of The Superior Man” I threw it down. “What kind of arrogant asshole would come up with a title like that?” I didn’t even open it. It wasn’t for another year that I would pick it up in my “david deida-format” men’s group and then I drank in every word. I was ready.

A couple of years later, I signed up for one of David Deida’s 5-day intensives and got rocked. Then, just last year, I buried the book. Finished. Done. No mas.

I work with men all the time who have read Deida and been served by the book and by his live events. Deida’s a badass for sure. I believe he is solely responsible for bringing men out of the “new age wimp” mentality that was common in the 80’s and 90’s. He started making “men’s work” sexy and compelling.

So, again, praise to the man and his work.  He kicks ass. His book is a must read, it is awesome for a certain stage on the path. His stuff is incredible. Deep bows.

And, at a certain point, men will have to transcend and include Deida.

The Deida-Bot

Time and time again I hear friends and clients who dig Deida (otherwise known as Deida-bots)