Been a while for sure.
I continue to get stripped down by Life. The dying process is nearly over (I think–famous last words).
I’ve spent the last year dying and then dying some more.
It’s all very helpful.
My whole orientation is fresh, new, unfamiliar, tentative, like I have new, soaking wet, virgin wings, uncertain of how to fly, but willing to flap.
I feel tired from the dying process. Worn out, beaten up, exhausted.
I have no more gas to do things the “old” way (my habitual neurotic 3-ness)
Exhaustion is an understatement.
38 years of push, drive, and willing my way through life.
On top of that, two plus years of parenting one, now two, little tiny kids. Sleep deprivation and non-stop parenting while being a devoted husband and going through the biggest rite-of-passage of my life for over a year now.
So my tank is beyond empty, but, I’ve been known to run on fumes before, and I won’t be surprised if I try and push my tired old car a little farther.
The great thing about an empty tank is that I am open to receive now.
What a concept–receiving.
In addition to running on empty, I have been choosing for many months now, not to read (more…)