Do People Know The Real You or Are You Still Hiding?

photo snapped from youtube

photo snapped from youtube

Being completely ourselves is what the spiritual journey is all about. It might sound easy, but everyday I work with people who’s fundamental challenge is to be themselves–their real selves.

This whole culture trains us to wear a mask. If we don’t conform to what our parents, friends, and culture want, we risk alienation, rejection, and humiliation.

So, when men and women step forward and break through the cultural boxes about how we “should” be or how we are “supposed” to be, I smile and rejoice.

Enter Lana Wachowski–formerly of the famous Wachowski brothers and director of the new movie Cloud Atlas.

Lana is a complete badass.

Not only did she direct the Matrix trilogy, one of the most popular movies of all time, but she somehow kept her true Self hidden most of her life even as a successful Hollywood

By |October 30th, 2012|gay men, self-knowledge|1 Comment|

Children Act Out When Parents Don’t Deal

photo by j. gaddisChildren are sponges. They soak up their environment even when they don’t want to. Particularly young kids.

If emotionally constipated parents are in a strained, or challenged relationship, the children will express what parent’s aren’t able or willing to. Powerfully sad but true, kids will carry the burden of the parent’s unprocessed baggage until parents choose to face it.

This is well known in family constellation work. In addition when one begins do engage in shamanic work within a family system, many family agreements get revealed, including very old generational agreements and blocks. Ayahuasca has been incredibly helpful for me in this arena.

To an unconscious parent who does little to zero work on themselves, children pick up the slack without even knowing it. These kids will then carry their parent’s unfinished business as well as whatever karma they are coming into the world with.

The committed parent can agree to “get it done” in this lifetime. Meaning, they can end the lineage of pain and suffering

The limitation of Religion

It’s understandable why the vast majority of the world’s population is involved in some form of organized religion. People are lost and confused. They are taught and trained to distrust their own experience so they look for answers outside themselves. Religion gives them hope and answers to life’s riddles in the face of the great unknown. However, this approach is incredibly limited at best and serves to take a person further away from their own inner knowing and guidance. It also supports moving away from truth and into magical thinking and fantasy.

Religion has become fixed, even when it claims it is not. The forms, the talks, the teachings have calcified. When this happens, religion is no longer in alignment with the nature of reality. This lack of congruency is where religion’s limiting ways begin.

If we need someone else to tell us what’s true, religion can be very helpful. And, for many of us, this is an important life stage. However, if we want to grow and become who we really are, than we will inevitably bump up against the foundational law of nature–evolution (i.e. growth/change/development). When we surrender to to our evolving nature,  traditional religion becomes obsolete.

When I “get on board” with what is true, based on my immediate experience, I get in touch with some of the foundational teachings of most great religions.  Now I am practicing genuine spirituality. A genuine spiritual path is about connecting me to the truth of what is, to the great mystery, and to the pure flawlessness of my own brilliant nature.

Pro Marriage. Pro Monogamy.

photo by j. gaddis

Monogamy and marriage as practiced in this culture are bankrupt.

Traditional marriages sound awful to me. Barf.

I work with a lot of couples who, when they first come in to see me, still have a fantasy about what marriage and relationship are like. Even though most of them grew up with uninspiring models of intimacy and they are not currently experiencing warm fuzzies and bliss,  they still believe that another person is there to “complete” them.

Our pop culture (movies, books, and music) still perpetuates seriously flawed and misinformed magical thinking about love.

Before marriage I bought the bullshit that infatuation lasts. When it didn’t, I bailed. During this time I was confused, unhappy, longing for more, and in general a pretty immature dude relationally. On the inside, I secretly wanted a woman to complete me. On the outside I was that guy that said “I’ll never get married, ever.” I used to love telling folks what a dumb idea

Boredom is Bullshit

photo by j. gaddis

photo by j. gaddis

Boredom is construct taught to kids by adults (and the culture they live in) who need external stimuli in order to be okay. When adults think that young kids need something to entertain them, kids learn that their experience is pleasurable only when entertained. Adults and kids who get “bored” find no pleasure being with their experience or the experience of space and stillness. Then, we throw iphones and ipads at them to “keep them entertained,” which only serves to disconnect them more. When we are connected to ourselves and to “what is so,” boredom is irrelevant and there’s no such thing. For example, my son is almost 4 and doesn’t know what “boredom” is because my guess is that he has never experienced it.

By |October 23rd, 2012|Uncategorized|2 Comments|

When to Fire Your Therapist

 

**disclaimer:

  • sometimes, a good psychotherapist let’s you cook in your own stuckness and doesn’t try to rescue you out of it. This might not look like getting results, but you both know you are cooking in something and the therapist trusts how important it is you stay with it and not try to find a magic bullet out of it.
  • this probably applies less to serious mental health patients or practitioners. This is intended for everyday “normal” adults.

Why Most Men Resist Couples Counseling

No really, I'm fine....

No really, I’m fine….

We men are a funny breed.

We claim we don’t want or need much help in most areas of life, yet just below the surface we are often a little lost, in some degree of pain, or very confused. “I’m fine.” is our tag line. And saying I’m fine on top of a more genuine experience of “not fine” is what pisses our partners off.

In my view, our outdated stoicism comes at a heavy price. The more we “ suck it up,” the more we lose out in life. The more we resist change when our partners want us to grow, the more the gap widens between us.

So, when our relationships start to tank or get difficult, we might bail, shut down, leak out energy with other women, blame the woman, or move on. If we are with a dynamic woman who is open to spiritual and personal growth, or who simply wants a deeper relationship or a better sex life, she will undoubtedly ask for help at some point and it won’t be a huge