(303) 818.8411|jaygaddis@gmail.com

How Porn Impacts Real Intimacy and Real Relationships [free call]

How is/was your porn use impacting your real relationships?

I’m inspired to help men feel more turned on by their sexual partners. I’m inspired to support men finding even more pleasure out of real sex. In order to do so, we have to really take a look at our sexuality and how we show up sexually online and with real people.

So, as you begin 2013, consider a “no porn diet” with us and hundreds of other men. Join our free, live call on Jan 2, 2013 from 6-7pm MT:

How Porn Impacts Real Intimacy and Real Relationships 

This 1 hr free call will get you honest about how porn is helping or hurting your sex life.
I will co-lead this call with Decker Cunov, Authentic World founder and Integral Center wizard. 

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you starting to wonder if using porn is becoming a habit or addiction?
  • Do you consider how it’s impacting you connecting with real women in real time?
  • Do you sense that your porn use is helping or 

How to Help Boys Like Adam Lanza

So, how do we really help boys like Adam Lanza? Is it possible?

I believe so.

First, when massive events like this happen, I choose to open my heart and feel everything in me. It doesn’t take me long to drop in to deep rage and grief, then I quickly move to gratitude for what I have–that I can stroke my kids hair while lying next to him for a mid-day nap. That he’s right here, still breathing, alive, gentle, and unaware that kids his age were shot to death.

Within the Newtown tragedy, if we focus on gun control or safer schools, we spend precious

When Your Family of Origin Triggers You

photo by Paul Reckless, creative commons, flickr

photo by Paul Reckless, creative commons, flickr

Our family of origin is one of the most emotionally upsetting domains, and it doesn’t need to stay that way.

We can get to a place of ease and the holidays are a perfect time to “practice.” We can relax enough so that when all the triggers arise, we don’t bite. Or, when we do bite, because we probably will, we have resources, tools, and a practice to go to.

Our parents and siblings (like our kids), can help us become who we really are simply by triggering the shit out of us. Without knowing it, our families direct our attention to the places in ourselves that remain hurt, young, and fragmented.

If we are serious about Relationship as a Path, instead of saying fuck you, we can say thank you to them for behaving in just the way they do, so that we can get to work on our unfinished business that is now activated.

Plus, it is most often our family of origin that wreaks such havoc in our current intimate relationships. If that’s true, then this is THE place to deal in order to have a more vibrant, less challenging intimate partnership in present time.

So, treat your holiday experience as a welcome opportunity to practice. It might just deepen your marriage.

Huge gratitude for my own family.

A Call To Awakening Men




listen to this song as you read this email.

Imagine this:

You are sitting in a room with 40 men. Forty men who have your back and are committed to living a life of meaning, direction, and service. 40 men who are holding down a a strong presence of integrated, authentic, warriorship in their

The Anti-Venom To Self Doubt

courtesy of Vincent Hunt


When you doubt yourself, what will you draw upon that will lift you up? Not just positive thinking BS. What actual, lived experience can you remind yourself of where you shine?

Forgiveness vs Intellectual Forgiveness

photo by j. gaddis

How do we really forgive?

Like compassion, forgiveness is a slippery one.  A lot of us, tend to forgive intellectually or we practice compassion by acting nice. As Trungpa Rinpoche said, that ain’t compassion, it’s idiot compassion. He points out that sometimes telling someone the hard truth is the most compassionate thing we can do.

Similarly there’s “intellectual forgiveness.”

This comes in the form of really bad advice such as: “You just need to forgive them and let it go.”

Not so fast. It’s not that easy people. Let’s show our experience more respect.

Forgiveness without feeling the entire spectrum of feelings associated with whatever trauma we’ve been through first, ain’t forgiveness. It’s simply intellectual forgiveness.

The good news is when we intellectually forgive, our unconscious will show us that we are not done. We need acknowledge what we’ve been through and feel the entire range of our experience first. Otherwise, I forgive on top of baggage still present. For me, I don’t forgive until I feel complete inside my being with something from my past. If I’m still judging me or how I did it, or who did wrong to me, then I’m not there.

Acting upbeat and positive on top of baggage does not work. I’ve tried it.

Another quick point…

A lot of folks think we need another person present in order to forgive them. Not true in my experience.  I don’t need another person present or available to forgive them (often it’s us that we need to forgive, not the other person). Forgiveness is inside of my internal experience so that is where I go to forgive.