(303) 818.8411|jaygaddis@gmail.com

Why Bother Doing “Men’s Work” [video]

Gabor Mate on ADD, Addictions, Parenting & Raising Boys [video]

Here’s an amazing video of Gabor Mate (done in 3 separate interviews with Amy Goodman) speaking to so many major societal issues including addiction, parenting, embodiment, attachment, ADD, etc.  Powerful stuff.

This is a much watch for educators, healers, and parents. It’s 1 hour long and worth every moment.

 

His latest book is super helpful for anyone challenged with addiction or addictive behaviors. In the Realm Of Hungry Ghosts.

Gabor is a huge supporter of ayahuasca for addiction treatment but the Canadian government asked him to stop his work with ayahuasca and addiction. More on his

The Nice Guy Syndrome

I meet a lot of “nice guys” who sort of like their even-keel, “steady eddy” vibe.

Some of these guys take pride in avoiding strife and emotional fights. Some do a good job making it appear as though they don’t get their feathers ruffled. They perceive their behavior as strong & reliable.

In certain situations like a work or a sporting environment, they show up as solid. But relationally most of these men remain very challenged. Internally they are not satisfied, nor fulfilled. Upon closer inspection these men realize they’ve numbed their emotional bandwidth. They are emotionally constipated and repressed. They have successfully muted their life force. They are somewhat numb to feeling their own bodies. They are in their heads most, if not all of the time. These guys have been conditioned out of their true power in exchange for

Abandoning Yourself In Relationship

The most common relationship issue I see everyday in working with couples that are in crisis or are in serious pain?

Self abandonment. One or both people have abandoned themselves in the relationship.

This leads to a subpar connection full of resentment and festering avoidance. And, some folks actually believe that by betraying themselves in relationship, the relationship will be okay, feel good, or be conflict free. Instead, each person slowly builds a quagmire of resentments internally. Meanwhile, the relationship begins to stagnate, fester, and die into mediocrity. Ouch.

The way out? Be honest with you. Own your co-dependent tendencies and learn to love that needy, fearful young one inside of you instead of asking your partner to. Come to understand all the ways you’ve left yourself behind. Then, commit to no longer doing that to you. Take on the practice of making it a higher priority to love yourself and be true to yourself, rather than “keeping the peace” in the relationship. Become okay with conflict and intensity in relationship. Say yes to your own triggers and stop participating in asking the other person to be different.

The Trap Of Trying to Be Happy

Stop trying so hard to be happy and be where you are.“I just want to be happy!” “Are you happy?” “I just want him/her to be happy.” I hear people say and ask a lot. What do we mean by happiness?

We seem to have a happiness obsession in this culture. People actually believe you can feel happy all the time which sets them up for a whole lot of suffering. I’ve yet to meet a human being who is in a constant state of happiness. I meet plenty of folks who act happy, but it’s just that, an act. Most of us are taught to act happy or upbeat giving preference to the socially acceptable emotions. We are taught to hide, not express, and bottle up unhappy emotions. Just look around here on FB. Most folks report only

The Shocking Challenges of Being a Dad [guest post]

This post is written by my bro Booster Blake. When I read it, i was struck by how candid, honest and real it is. Booster brings it to us raw. I’m guessing many dads have experienced something similiar. I’m grateful to hear his words as I believe they’ll help other dads on the path. 

I didn’t know Booster back then, but i trust he’s an amazing dad to his two sons now. The guy is constantly working on himself and working to express his own art and magic in the world. This post is such art. 

Here it is:

14 years ago today I became a father… Here’s a bit of my story if you’re interested.

I always wanted to be a father, the kind I never had but always wanted. But when Liam came round it was a surprise to me and his mama. She and I had just decided to split up after two years together when she discovered she was preggers. Life came to a skidding halt. She didn’t want an abortion. Breaking up meant she would move home to Sweden and I would lose out on being a father. In hindsight, that may have been the best choice. “Best” in terms of ease and grace for all concerned. After all, she had family support in Sweden, while here all she had was a few good friends and a rocky relationship. But I was prideful and couldn’t accept the label of “absent father”. She was codependant and needed me to choose her to feel whole, so off we went into the wilderness of parenthood with the best of intentions.

I remember the painful early days of fatherhood. I remember desperately wanting

By |January 14th, 2013|boys, Dads, parenting|0 Comments|

When There’s a Wall Between You and Your Spouse

In a marriage when things have become stuck, and the love has stopped flowing between the couple, there’s no such thing as “there’s a wall between us.” It’s one person’s wall and another person’s wall. Then there’s how each party is lobbing “blame grenades” over their walls at the other person. But the couple can actually get somewhere new when each person takes responsibility for how they are protecting themselves. We must own where we are stopping the love on our individual side.

Risking Being Ourselves In a Culture That Doesn’t Support it

It’s understandable why it’s so hard to be ourselves in a culture that perpetuates alienation from our true experience and supports disconnection from our true nature. And, not being ourselves requires a lot of wasted energy, building and managing inauthentic or subpar relationships. Our much-needed life force gets tied up in keeping our social mask on. As children, we probably had to do it. But somewhere along the way we agreed to keep playing this game, even though it doesn’t serve us. Meanwhile our soul is hurting, our true-self longing to be felt, met, seen, and known. The good news is that we can change this for ourselves whenever we want to. Deep bow to you courageous ones who are changing it—risking being YOU anyway because somewhere deep down you know there’s more, you know there’s another way. Keep trusting that voice, however small and please, keep going.