Clearing Conflict With Someone Who Won’t Participate

Let’s say you are still angry and hurt around someone in your life. It can be very old or brand new pain. And, let’s say they are unwilling and have no interest in “working things out.” No problem. You don’t need the other person present or available at all in order to heal it. You have two main options: 1.) keep blaming them, hold a grudge, be resentful toward them, talk shit about them, and remain angry and hurt. Or, 2) you can learn how to heal this hurt without them, which is totally doable and liberating.

see also Conflict Avoidance

Making Myself Available to My Kids’ Love

I often hold back how much I love my kids.

Why do I hold back sharing this?

Mostly because it’s so incredibly tender and vulnerable. It’s also somewhat unexplainable. Words don’t quite capture it.

I’ve stumbled upon a gusher and I think there’s no end in sight. I want to eat my kids for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Their very smell, awakens the loving beast inside of me. Their soft naked bodies are irresistible. Their tender innocence awakens mine. I am very, very in love with them (surprise, surprise).

Parenting has brought me to my knees on a

By |February 20th, 2013|parenting|0 Comments|

Being a Basecamp for My Kids

I love being THE backbone for my kids.

The more I am “in myself” the stronger the vibration of love and safety my kid’s experience. I am their tuning fork. When I get that I am their true bedrock, I see and feel the massive responsibility I have to own that, be that, and live that.  To whatever degree I live that, is the degree to which they can rest into it.

When I am shut down, disconnected, dissociated, triggered, and emotionally unavailable, I’m an unstable homebase. The impact on them? They act like me! They get whiney, needy, helpless, emotionally distraught, angry, tantrumy, and messy. Or they get quiet, pull away, and become distant.

If I don’t get my shit sorted out, the long term impact is

Changing Ourselves Instead of Our Partners

In relationships folks often want to change their partner.

But if we take the view that relationship is a path, then we are the ones that need to change.

But to clarify, it’s not that we change to fit their expectations. Quite the contrary. That kind of change betrays who we are. We’re not acting “nice” on top of resentment to please “other.” We’re not conforming to their neurotic demands. Rather, we are using our own triggers, that we think are about the other person, and using them as jet fuel to get more aligned with our own deeper nature.

This kind of self-change is

Men–You are Not Your Job

 

related posts:

The top 3 reasons men get trapped in soul sucking jobs

By |February 15th, 2013|self-knowledge|2 Comments|

Why Are Men Developmentally, Psychologically, and Spiritually Lagging Behind Women? [video]

Beyond Medication– Holistic Psychiatry

Dr. Will Van Derveer, MD

Dr. Will Van Derveer, MD

When it comes to using medication with clients, I am not only in the dark, but I’ve been very discouraged over the years. When someone does need medication, I’ve often been at a loss where to refer them. That is until I met Will.  He’s a pioneer here in Boulder when it comes to holistic psychiatry and is the psychiatrist I refer to if my friends or clients need medication or additional treatment support.

Dr. Will Van Derveer MD will be giving this 1-day workshop on how gut health, adrenal functioning, nutrition, vitamins and supplements, can be used to enhance outcomes and minimize reliance on medications in the treatment of anxiety, depression, insomnia, post-traumatic stress, bipolar disorder, and other symptoms.

Will is an urban shaman who combines western medicine with eastern and shamanic views and practices to help support his clients. He’s a great friend and brother, and an extraordinary human being.

Here’s the

It’s Normal to Struggle in Relationship

For those of us challenged in relationship: Relax. The truth is that most of us have had inadequate training on how to be a mature adult relationally. It’s likely that immature adults trained us, so we can only be what they transmitted to us. So, no need to beat ourselves up when we are making a mess or hiding out in our relationships. It’s quite normal. That is, until we decide, and choose, to become mature and grow ourselves up, thus becoming who we already are. Then with new context, new tools and new training, we can begin to have more mature, honest relationships. And, “mature and honest” isn’t what we think it is. Be willing to be surprised. Keep relaxing into that vulnerable, aching heart and keep learning with great humility.

By |February 10th, 2013|relationships|0 Comments|