Why do I hold back sharing this?
Mostly because it’s so incredibly tender and vulnerable. It’s also somewhat unexplainable. Words don’t quite capture it.
I’ve stumbled upon a gusher and I think there’s no end in sight. I want to eat my kids for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Their very smell, awakens the loving beast inside of me. Their soft naked bodies are irresistible. Their tender innocence awakens mine. I am very, very in love with them (surprise, surprise).
Parenting has brought me to my knees on a regular basis. The love stream is simple, straightforward, and relentless. Had I been a parent 10 years ago, I would have fought them, blamed them, and resented them for taking my life from me, or I would have looked to them to make me feel okay.
But because I work on myself and because I face my own blocks, issues, and barriers to love, over and over again, I make myself available to their love. And when I fall down or shut down, I get back up and look honestly in the mirror. When I get triggered by my kids, I thank them because they are showing me my true nature. They are asking and teaching me to open further. They unintentionally, but precisely poke the needle into the very places where I’m unhealed, unloved, enraged, and feel inadequate. They want me to be my fullest self and they do this magical trick simply by being themselves. It’s like they are saying “dad, heal that wound so we can keep playing, connecting, wrestling, and being blissed out, because that’s who we are.”
I am a devotee of their “way,” their love, and the love that already exists inside of me. I am grateful that I am learning how to receive.