Since today is International Men’s Day, reflect on these questions surrounding manhood:

• Have been initiated into manhood?
• How would I rate myself as a Man at this juncture in my life?
• In what areas do I have yet to grow?
• Where do I hold back in my life?
• What would I do if I wasn’t afraid today?
• How and What am I contributing to the world right now?
• How can I help a fellow man today?
• If I were to celebrate one thing about myself today, what would it be and whom can I share that with?
• Do I have other quality men in my life that demand the best from me and that have my back? If not, what am I going to do about it?
• Can I heal whatever wounds I have helped create toward women?
• What kind of man (father, son, brother, husband) do I want to be? What can I commit to to make that happen

Feel free to share below or with a fellow man. Practice celebrating your manhood with the women in your life. Let them know how you intend to carry yourself as a man. Will you be a typical man who acts like a boy or are you ready to man up and be a man?

So, what should you do about your dating and relationship challenges?

For starters sign up for my free teleseminar called Relationships with Heart: Dating for Evolving Men on October 20th at 430 PM MST.

I’m psyched once again to be teaching along side my good bro Tripp Lanier, host of the New Man Podcast. We have been invited to teach a teleseminar on dating and relationships with some big wigs in the personal development field.

You’ll get to hear about my own relationship challenges and how I broke through them.

Maestro Conference is a unique platform so you will be in small groups talking to other men from around the world rather than just sit and be a passive listener. It’s super interactive.

I’d recommend checking out their other presenters as well. They have some heavy hitters like Dan Milman, Deepak Chopra, T. Harv Ecker, Decker Cunov and so many other talented gurus. So many awesome calls–go check it out here.

To register for the free call click here.

If you are single, you’ll also want to check out Gaia Soulmates and set up a profile there. Word on the street is that the women far out number the men, so get your profile up and running.

If you are an evolving man who lives in NYC and you want to be surrounded by a tribe of like-minded men who are ready to go to the next level in life, check this out:

Tuesday, September 15, I will be in New York City offering a free Intro to Men’s Work and Men’s Groups class at Atmananda Yoga Studio.

When? 8-10pm.

Where? 324 Lafayette Street, 7th floor, NYC

RSVP: Contact Campbell at campbell.gerrish@gmail.com or 914-960-4507

Purpose? A group of men are wanting to start a men’s group and I happen to be in town on business. While I am there, I’d like to go over a few critical steps and techniques when starting a men’s group. And, we’ll get to practice some of the men’s work I do.

Some men might not be clear the purpose and value of a men’s group. If not, read this post here.

If you are a man who lives in or near NYC and you are hungry for more depth, meaning and accountability in your life, please join us.

Twitter is the conversation above the conversation and rather than dig through so many websites with so much content, I browse headlines composed in 140 characters or less and see what I want to read. And, you can target the kind of information you want by who you follow.

Twitter has had a big impact on the globe as evidenced in Iran recently.

If you are a man and you are looking for good personal growth and personal development resources, follow these 9 men on twitter and get an ongoing stream of good information written by men, about men, for men.

The Top 9 Dude Twitterers

@JayGaddis yours truly. You are at my site and at least twice per week, I blog about an important topic pertaining to your development as a man. I use a cutting edge approach to personal development and spirituality for men. I often write about meditation and will challenge you to dig deeper within yourself. I post random thoughts and nonsense as well.

@Williamharryman. Bill is a busy freelance writer, a personal fitness coach and an integral Buddhist psychotherapist. He has two awesome blogs (one is the Masculine Heart) that are relevant for men. Follow him as he updates daily on Buddhism, Fitness, Men & Integral healing. William is VERY active on twitter.

@NewManPodcast. My bro @TrippLanier as many of you know is the host of The New Man Podcast. Tripp is a funny dude, so you’ll also get some of his personal rants and commentary. The New Man Podcast interviews great men (and women) on everything from your life purpose to being more fit and healthy.

@ARtOfManliness Run by @BrettMcKay, Art Of Manliness has a huge following on their blog and offers up valuable tips for men everywhere on just about everything from How to Command a Room Like a Man to 100 Must See Movies For Men. It’s endless.

@JusticeMarshall I actually met relationship coach Justice on twitter and facebook. A good man helping men take charge of their relationship problems in their marriages through Hero Principles. Justice comes from a holistic view and encourages men to take 100% responsibility for their marriage. He is active on twitter and will respond to your inquiries quickly.

@PrimerMag Primer is an online men’s magazine with weekly updates for men in their 20′s. They post some cool topics relevant to guys in this age group. As they say they are “the weekly magazine for guys who want to be better men.”

@TMatlack Tom runs  Good Men Book. Org. Tom tweets a lot about men’s stuff and is all about helping men be good dads and husbands.

@dalecguyexpert is a Canadian counselor who specializes in mens’ issues and is a co-host of Guytalk, a radio show in Toronto.

@andrewjparkes Andrew runs http://www.successquestions.ca and coaches men in all areas of life. I dig what he tweets and support’s men in growing into their potential. Andrew’s also not afraid to challenge you.

There are other good men out there on twitter, but very few focus solely on men and men’s growth, and many big names on twitter hardly tweet. Or it’s a one-way conversation. Until I see more men on twitter really offering amazing resources for guys without always selling something, this list is a top 9, not a top 10.

This list may change over time, so let’s hear your suggestions of good quality personal development for men-content to follow. Just leave your suggestions in the comment box below.

It would be great if this list kept growing…

If you are new to twitter, here’s a 9 min video on how to set up an account by my friend Maria Andros.

Step 1. Get clear on why you want to be a part of a men’s group. What is your intention? What are you hoping to get out of it? How do you see a group of guys serving and supporting you?

Step 2. Find other men who want to be in a group that both challenges and supports for mutual gain and mutual service.

Men ask me all the time where to find guys like themselves. Men also confess that they want more depth with their male friends. They report that their male buddies don’t get real enough, don’t call bullshit on them, or they just keep everything on the surface.

So, in an effort to help you find these like-minded men I’m going way out on a limb and make some big generalizations and risk getting some potentially negative feedback about it from you.

Guys who are open to a men’s group are generally the same guys who are open to personal growth, self-help and personal development stuff.

Where do I find these men? At locations where these events, services and programs occur. Retreat centers, yoga studios, workshops, new age bookstores, natural food stores, etc.

Another great place to meet like-minded men in your area is to attend a workshop that has to do with wellness, healing, mens work, etc.

Ultimately, you have to ask yourself, “What kind of guys do I want in my men’s group?”

Next, determine the demographics:

• 6-12 men is a good size. I prefer larger. That way if 1-3 guys are absent, there is still a good number of men present and ready to go for it.
• Age Range? My group has men between 30-60. It’s a well rounded group with a huge set of life experiences. Everyone is a teacher and everyone is a student and each man has that attitude.
• Sexual orientation? Ethnic and cultural background?
• Religious affiliation? For example, if you are a Christian guy, do you want an all Christian men’s group? Might it better serve you to find a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Mormon and a Jewish guy to be in your group? Again, how are you wanting to be pushed? How do you want to grow?

Step 3. Put up a flyer in locations where the kind of men you want in your ground hang around. Churches, gyms, meditation centers, yoga centers, and health food stores can be good places to start.

Step 4. Set a first meeting time and location. One of the guy’s houses is appropriate. A contained place somewhere with privacy. Borrow a friend’s studio, loft, big office, or church room.

Step 5. Have your first meeting. Sit in a circle facing each other.

Step 6. Determine your structure. Use this first group to get on the same page. Ask yourself these questions:

• What is your group purpose?
• What is the vision or direction of your group?
• What is the commitment to attend? Timeliness?
• How often do we meet? Where? When? For how long?
• Leadership: Do we pick a new leader every time? What about a time keeper?

Step 7. Consider creating a curriculum to follow or find another men’s group and ask them how they run their group. Feel free to email me and stay tuned for a men’s group curriculum ebook coming soon on this website.

The best way to get the most out of a group is to stay in the present, here and now of each man’s experience. When guys just report out about how their life is going, it does not quite pack the punch as a man sharing about himself in the moment as he looks around the room.

Step 8. Always come back to your purpose. What are hoping to get out of this group? Review the purpose and value of a men’s group post to get some ideas about what to focus on.

Step 9. Consider hiring a skilled facilitator to come in for a few groups and run the group. This is hugely beneficial and can give you a taste of what is possible if you stay on target with good facilitation. It also can help f you get stuck or lack leadership.

What if I live in a small town and no other guys are around? Email me and if I get enough men interested, I will start an online men’s group for you guys. You can also comment below and invite other men to email you.

Buy this Product How To Start and Lead A Men’s Group

An online group can still be effective, but has obvious challenges. However, through edufire.com, there are possibilities. Either way, it is possible to have more quality, bad ass men in your life who will love you enough to call bullshit on you and support you toward your highest Self!

What other thoughts do you have? What has worked? Not worked?

A world with more men’s groups is a better world!

Good luck and feel free to comment here.

Please join our tribe of 8 men as they begin the process of going big and going deep. Stay tuned each week as I blog our progress and give some instruction. Want to change your life and become the man you are supposed to be? Then join us.

Starting May 2, 2009, eight lucky men will join me for an intense 108 day personal development training. Get ready to change your life in a radical way. The purpose of this Training?

The purpose of this 108-day rite of passage is five-fold:

1. This training will address the 5 Pillars of Being a Revolutionary Man (Chances are within these areas, you are holding back in some way. I will tailor the course to address your strengths and weaknesses. )

• 1.    Self Mastery/ Self Knowledge
• 2.    Service
• 3.    Leadership
• 4.    Fun/Play
• 5.    Community (relationships)

2. To nudge you to your edge. When a man is at his “edge” he’s alive and growing.

3. To challenge you to step up in your life and take specific action to be bolder, badder and burlier as a leader, father, son, husband, boyfriend and as a man. I am challenging you to change your life in a big way.

4. Having received the training, you will be a Man who will make a massive difference in others lives.
5. Help you find the personal freedom that some of  you are looking for.

Stay tuned each week as we dive further in to ourselves, our purpose, our power and our freedom.

As many of you know, I am always on the lookout for men who inspire me. Men that challenge the status quo. Men who stand up for the truth and are advocates for social justice and human dignity.  Men that move beyond blame. Michael Franti is such a man. To me, he is a freedom fighter.

I’m on a mission to interview this guy so we can all learn from his courage.

I first heard of him from my old roomate Rose. She described to me how  after each show Franti leaves the stage and walks around hugging everyone in the audience. I didn’t end up seeing him until four years later. And sure enough, after an amazing inspiring performance at the Fillmore in Denver, and proceeds to hug everyone around him.

I love his music. It does inspire me deeply. But more than that, I love and respect what this man stands for. He is not afraid to speak out and put himself in harms way to deliver a message and ask intelligent questions.

“When I first started out, I think that my politics could be boiled down to `Fuck The System’ or `Fuck the Man,’” Franti says. “When you’re coming of age, you’re desperate to change the world, but you have no idea how to actually do it. It takes time to discover that just complaining about the world is not enough. You have to do some affirmative.”

I can really relate to Franti because as a young man I too wanted to rebel against it all and at a certain point, my complaints went unheard and unanswered. I had to grow up but found out I can rebel with respect and intelligence. Hence the Revolutionary Man Project. Inspiring men to take action and rise above our differences.

Here are a few excerpt from his website about him.

“… What’s most impressive about Michael Franti as a recording artist and live performer is his ability to inspire. Ultimately, the heartfelt music that Franti makes and his dedication to greater understanding on a global level, are not two aspects of his life, but very much one and the same.

“Increasingly over my life, I have less interest in being part of the fighting between parties. I’m interested in bringing people together on the left and the right, to face the issues of the day. The problems from global warming to the economy that we face today are so clearly universal that we need to address them together.”

Indeed, Franti, the African-American son adopted and raised by Finnish American couple, has continued on many fronts to reach across all groups in a variety of ways, whether its with his annual Power To The Peaceful Festival or his award-winning documentary “I Know I’m Not Alone”, which featured Franti in Iraq, within the Palestinian territories and in Israel.

One war zone experience informs Franti’s sense of musical mission. As he remembers, “I was playing on the streets of Bagdad, and I introduced a song called `Bomb The World’ that says ’You can bomb the world into pieces/but you can’t bomb it into peace.’ I would translate that. And people there told me, `Oh well that’s an interesting song, but we’re living here where our world is being blown up, so sing us something that can make us dance and laugh and clap. That’s what they want to do.”

“The truth is that we need everybody. We need the ideas of the grass roots. We need the resources of the corporate world. We need the cooperation of the government. And we need the intelligence of everyday people with their street wisdom.”

“As a musician and a man, I more than anything else want to be a unifier,” Franti explains. “I want to bring people together through music and its unique power. And I hope that somehow that sense of unity extends beyond the music.”

Check out his provocative, educational movie here. And watch a music video below. Thank you Michael Franti for being a Revolutionary Man!! If you read this, grant me an interview?

This post has been brewing in me for some time. I imagine it may stir up some controversy in a lot of men I know or have known. I write not to place blame, but to take personal responsibility: I apologize to any man I have hurt and wronged through the hazing ordeal I participated in while in college.

By writing this I know that I risk losing some friends. I risk being judged. I risk losing you as a reader.

Yet, if I truly want to be a Revolutionary Man, I have to be ruthlessly honest with myself. I have to own up to mistakes I’ve made, people I’ve pissed off, and most importantly people I either took advantage of or caused unnecessary harm to. Above all, I have to be honest about where I stepped out of my own integrity.  This process requires that I leave no stone unturned.

The purpose of this post is to publicly apologize and to own up to three key mistakes I made while I was an undergraduate:

1. I watched and did nothing as others were hazed, knowing inside that it was wrong.
2. In turn, I betrayed my own integrity and hazed others. I manipulated, misled, shamed, and verbally and emotionally hurt other men.
3. When I changed my tune and realized hazing was wrong, I “came out” against hazing in a very unskillful fashion.

In college I took part in hazing other men with the aim of unifying each pledge class and “making” pledges active members of my fraternity. A guy had to “earn” his way in, and dammit, I was going to make it hard for him. After all, I reasoned, I went through it, now he has to go through it too.  I think the members achieved the desired outcome of unifying the pledge class, but the means with which we did it were plain wrong.

I had many justifications for my behavior. “It’s not really real.” “I didn’t mean the things I said to him.” “It was just a joke, all BS, just for fun.” “If this guy didn’t go through hell week, he’d still be an arrogant asshole. I put him in his place.” “It made him a man” and many, many other such rationalizations.

Not until I became President of the fraternity did I begin to fear the repercussions of my actions. My good friends called me “God squad” to imply that I was abusing my power as I tried to balance old traditions with my new responsibilities. I began to slowly speak out against hazing some, but pretty weakly and was too scared to really stand up.

When I began to work for my fraternity headquarters as a leadership consultant after college, I really changed my tune. There, I heard a man speak by the name of Dave Westol who spoke of the atrocities of hazing. I got it at that speech. This is when I began to piss a lot of folks off: “Who’s the hypocrite telling us what to do?”

Now, years later and with a master’s degree in psychology under my belt, and having studied trauma extensively, I understand the price tag of hazing on the human psyche.

When faced with a threatening situation, we humans respond in one of four ways:  Fight, flight, freeze or submit. In college, I witnessed men go through all of these. Men cried, men fought back, men left the fraternity forever, men “took it,” and men just simply shut down—they would get silent for hours, days, and weeks.

I traumatized other men, period. Yes, I was young and naïve, but that is no excuse for immature, hurtful behavior.  I was a boy initiating other boys.

In other cultures, and since the beginning of time, men have gone through great challenges and adversity to become men, but not in this unconscious, immature way. It was the job of the elders of the village because they carried the wisdom to push young boys into manhood with the appropriate tests and rites. But it was always done with respect and compassion. Moreover, it’s the fraternity’s job to initiate young men into the fraternity, not into manhood.

On to my apologies…

To the brothers of my fraternity and to the men who had the balls enough to “drop” before hell week even started:

Apology number one: I apologize for how I tried to stop hazing. I was a “complete asshole” as a friend recently pointed out. True, I was. I was young and unskillful in my attempts to eradicate hazing. For the men who I shamed and blamed, I am sorry for not showing you the respect you deserved in how I communicated.

Apology number two: To anyone I hazed, I am deeply sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you. You know who you are. If you want to have a conversation, in person or over the phone, please know that I am open to it.

I don’t apologize for a second about standing up against hazing. I will continue to stand up to other grown men who think that verbally, emotionally and physically cutting someone down is somehow valuable.

What did I learn through all of this that may be of benefit to others? Here are five important points to consider as you reflect upon your past.

1. Clean up your past or it will follow you in some way, shape or form. A lot of guys just “stuff” their past. As a psychotherapist and life coach, trust me, I work with a lot of folks who are stuck in their lives due to stuffing or running from their past, and this approach is bankrupt. It doesn’t work in the long run.
2. When you realize you have wronged someone, own up to it. If they want to hold something against you and don’t accept your apology, that’s their business. Your business is to own up to the people you have hurt.
3. Don’t betray yourself, no matter the cost. I crossed two lines in college. One was the line or boundary of other men whom I hurt. The second line was my own inner authority.
4. How you speak your truth is essential. Rather than blame others, own your own thing. Don’t put your trips on other people. Just because I had a change of heart, doesn’t mean others have to buy in. Take responsibility for yourself. You can’t change others, nor should you.
5. As my old friend said, “I would never, ever let anyone do to my son what we did back then.” I agree with you bro. Never in a million years would I put my son (now 2 weeks old) through that kind of bullshit, ever. Use this example as a barometer.

So, what line have you crossed, past or present, both within yourself and with others? Where have you “wronged” someone and what do you need to do to clean it up?

My challenge to you is clean up your past or it will follow you.

I realize the limitations of doing this through a blog, but it is a start and I commit to continuing the process so that I can be the man I am here to be.

To learn more about “why” someone like me went through such an ordeal and why I might in turn “make” others do the same, read this article:  men-and-hazing. In the meantime, please leave your comments and feedback below.

A lot of guys ask me what resources, other than Men’s Health or Men’s Journal, are out there for men. For me, those mags are great, but somewhat limited. Enter The New Man Podcast.  I will be interviewing the host of the New Man Podcast Tripp Lanier on February 19th.

If you haven’t heard of The New Man Podcast you’re missing out. Go there now and download it for Free on itunes, or you can go to Personal Life Media and download them episode by episode.

Tripp Lanier, x-rock star, and Integral Men’s coach is the host of this thought provoking podcast. Tripp is a good friend of mine and we are both extremely inspired to help dudes get off the couch and have the life they want. He has a unique way of combining humor and solid inquiry when interviewing his guests.

Podcasts are often no more than 25 minutes in length. Each podcast introduces you to a certain topic, then if you are inspiried to go further, Tripp’s guests give you more info that you can explore on your own time. In the New Man, the topics  range from personal fitness, dating and relationships, spirituality, finding your life purpose, to being a dad.

I was interviewed by Tripp over a year ago and we did a three part series about becoming a man. You can check it out here.

So, go download the New Man and you’ll immediately learn something!

Remember, on February 19th I will be interviewing Tripp in my monthly membership forum, which for a limited time is FREE. For those that appreciate Tripp and the work he’s doing, you won’t want to miss it.

To learn about the New Man Podcast and Tripp Lanier, join us for the call here.

At some point in your life, if you’re a guy, you’ve certainly heard the phrase “no pain, no gain.”

Well, what does it really mean? To some men, it means that if you don’t suffer, then you’re not going to get anything or get anywhere. Well, this is partly true.

My own interpretation is this:

The Pain

If you are the type of guy who stuff’s his feelings and pain of any kind, emotional or otherwise, then you are a “pain-avoider” and the “no pain, no gain” approach doesn’t really work for you. You’re saying might be “No pain, No pain, No pain.” But unfortunately you will still feel pain, even though you think you avoided it or got away with something.

So, my bias is this, Why not turn toward your pain whatever it may be and face it head on?

For example, let’s say you are getting sucked into the economic meltdown on the news everyday and it is becoming a real pain in the ass. The pain starts with an external trigger such as “bad economic news.” You now have some choices. 1) Turn off the TV or news 2) Pretend it’s not happening. Or, 3) turn toward the external trigger “bad economic news” and then, this is the crucial next step, turn toward what it is bringing up in you,  such as your feelings of fear or anger.

The Gain

But why do this? Because if you choose not to feel the pain that you feel in relationship to most things in your life, you are cutting off a huge opportunity to “gain.” When you turn away, the only person that loses is you.

So, my strong suggestion is to man up and relate to your pain. Turn toward it, whatever it is. The external trigger of your pain could be money, a sour relationship, death of a loved one, a co-worker, your career, whatever. Next, feel the pain associated with the external trigger and see what happens.

Trust me, if you stay with it long enough, it will turn in to a big gain, but you have to turn toward the fire and stand in it. Another sign of a revolutionary man in the making—turning toward what is painful in life, rather than away from it.

Gain awaits. All you have to do, is relate to and turn toward your pain.