We are here to practice being who we are. We are here to occupy who we are. Let’s take our seat on the stallion within us that’s waiting to be ridden. Let’s explore the deep, sacred masculine together.

This experience is about getting in our bodies, our hearts and the present moment using relationship practice and music.

Friday, Jan 20th. Doors open at 7pm. Doors close at 730pm sharp so we can all get on the same page in terms of context for the night. You are free to leave whenever you want to.

**FAH REALS, doors will LOCK at 730pm. If you arrive after 730pm, you will miss the event.**
So get yourself there on time, masculine-style.

What’s available:

• *Truly seeing and being seen
• *Belonging and feeling connected to a dynamic community
• *Laughter and play with no filler or bullshit
• *Circling, clearings, feedback, relationship practice
• *Deep somatic and musical experiences

Our loose outline:

First half of the night is relationship practice, dyads, and small groups. Second half of the night is an open-ended, improvisational music and movement experience (a “tribal pod”).

Facilitation provided by Jayson, Tom Daly, Robert MacNaughton, Joshua Levin, Reuvain Bacal, and maybe a surprise guest or two.

Our first BME got the ball rolling with a big turn out of 43 men. Awesome! Let’s keep seeing and savoring what happens when conscious dudes gather on a regular basis (outside of a formal, closed men’s circle) with bold intention and fun facilitation.

Cost: $20, (feel free to pay here ahead of time)

What to bring: an intention for the nite, 20 bucks, a drum if you have one, any other musical instruments like shakers, flutes, rattles, whatever.

Please RSVP here. And invite your bros if they’re not already invited. This is an OPEN event!

Will be held every month in 2012. Next BME is  Feb 24, then March 16th. Save the dates.

Photo By Joshua Levin

As many of you know, I have been in a massive surrendering process for almost two years now.

My habitual “push” is getting less and less air time and my willingness to surrender and trust is becoming more of a daily reality.

My ongoing softening process has been facilitated largely by my children. They continue to chisel away at my defenses and blocks, opening me to more and more love.

I’m also getting support from my wife Ellen, Megan Eggers, David Cates, meditation, and the occasional ayahuasca dive.

More support recently came from an experience at the Authentic Community Leadership course led by Decker Cunov, Kendra Cunov, and Bryan Bayer of Authentic World.

I helped facilitate small groups throughout the weekend around the subject of community leadership. Yet, largely the weekend was about relationship practice—seeing and being seen.

I got to work alongside new and old friends and a few folks from Authentic World team, mainly Decker, Kendra, and Bryan. I learned a lot from them and it felt so awesome to be humble enough to learn from my peers. I am pretty much the only facilitator not trained in their modality of “circling,” yet they trust me enough to do my thing (more evidence that I’m okay just as I am).

And, on the very last night with two hours to go until we closed, my brother Adrial Dale, a guy who I’ve never met, who has been following this blog since its inception, shared with me how I have changed his life.

With tears in his eyes, he recounted how he judged the shit out of me three years ago. Then how over time he slowly grew to respect me. He gave example after example of how I have touched him and inspired him to put himself out there. The exercise was supposed to be about him and somehow the tables turned and he just kept firing love bombs at me. Slowly, with no defensiveness, or deflecting away, I let his love in.

My whole body was buzzing, tears welled up. Something in me just kept saying YES to his honest, vulnerable truth. A near total stranger was seeing me, really seeing me.

I let his love in completely. And, it shattered me into pieces.

I cried. I laughed.

The photo above is me lying on the floor after Adrial sliced me open with his love.

Wow.

More new and old friends moved in to just witness me and hold me there. I must have been on the floor (in the middle of the room) for a good hour while the workshop kept going. I couldn’t get up and it felt soooo good to just lay there in a puddle.

I deeply received his experience of me. Receiving love has been a major edge in my life and this experience was very affirming at the progress I’ve made. Whew.

And this is what can happen in community and when we dare to be ourselves and share openly with others how they have impacted us.

More please.

_____________________

I came out to myself in 1991. That’s always the first step. But then what?

I stumbled around for 10 years trying to make sense of this crazy thing called life much less making sense of the sexuality.

For 10 years I went from therapist to therapist spending thousands of dollars and getting nowhere. Often I would feel better but nothing shifted. A friend told me that he had a therapist to bitch about his problems. I saw the same thing in support groups, bitch, moan, angst, pity.

Aaaaaaaarg.

I’m supposed to just sit there and listen to these guys bitch about how unworkable their life is when they just need to get off the damn couch and do something. The therapy route let me get in the same mode of bitching. We talked but rarely if ever did we fall into the trauma and get real with it. I was done bitching. There was no challenge, and for me no trust. It almost always felt like I was just something to get money from, until I stumbled on a podcast.

The New Man Podcast opened the door to a different way of looking at the world. It showed me a view where I stopped blaming and started claiming. It’s an active way of dealing with the shit that keeps me from living the fullest life.  I wrote in and asked for help and was introduced to Jayson Gaddis.

Since then, things have changed a lot. I could bitch about how I still haven’t been in a relationship, or I’m still at the same frustrating job, or any of the other things that haven’t changed in my life (and um I do) or I can stop and see how I’ve begun let go of the old victim mentality. How by claiming an active roll in my life I’m happy for the first time since I can remember.

Now I’ve come to a point where I desire to take a deeper dive into my spirit and psyche.

ENTER MLT

This going deeper thing is a matter of removing the next layer of story. To explore the next level of self.  I wanted to find something that was more challenging than anything I’ve ever done before. To dig so deep that I vomit (ewwww).

Enter the Men’s Leadership Training. A six month in depth, hands on training that teaches men how to integrate the crap by community and participation. So I will have to go deep too. I seriously doubt I’ll vomit (bummer) but I might really want to.

THE CHALLENGE

The MLT is a program directed at men’s issues and what affects us most in relationship and… wait let me change that.  The MLT is a program directed at straight men and men’s issues. One of the key selling points for me was getting to be involved with like minded men who aren’t afraid to be vulnerable. For six months we are in a container of open camaraderie with men on a spiritual path.

My fear is open scorn.

The real challenge for me, however, is the interpretation of the straight to gay experience.

My belief is that there is very little, such as when straight folk talk about fear of pregnancy, I have the fear of HIV. There are some definite differences though. One is the fear of intimacy that isn’t hidden— even holding hands or kissing your partner good bye is an invite for scorn. Also social interactions between straights is so very different than for gays.

Adjusting to the differences and opening to love is the goal. What straight folk get from me is someone who can help them gain perspective. What I get from them is support and understanding at how normal I really am.

To close, I’ll confess that I HATE being gay. I am, I’ve known since I was bitty.

I’ve taken this difference personally and now am finally getting to a place where I can confront this imagined attack at my personality. I get to step into a fuller place.

I’m excited and scared.

I chose this program partially because I am different than the other participants but also because I am the same. I am a man and I am one who wants to face all the frustration and fear I feel head on.  I know one thing that even with me, MLT is about being human. I will learn to love my humanity.

40 years old, single, and damn tired of it, Daniel is working on finding the spiritual path that leads to self-acceptance. He works and lives in boulder.

Marc Quinn, David Chang, & David Cates, post EMC

For me, the term “Men’s work” is dead. For others it’s still alive and well.

WTF? Seriously? C’mon, I just let go of another identity a few months back. Again? Yup, more personal shedding what no longer serves.

This past weekend 40 men’s leaders and 6 women answered the call to be a part of the Evolving Men’s Conference. The context? Some of us thought it was to “evolve masculinity.” For others, the hope was to plan a bigger conference next year. Others didn’t know what the context was.

I visioned this conference with a few very bold expectations (the other men had their own wants as well, some the same, some different. These were just mine).

1. I wanted to get male leaders to collaborate.
2. Originally I wanted a bigger conference in 2011 but many folks told me to drop this pre-conference and see what the other men wanted. I acquiesced.
3. I wanted to have us birth a single, new masculine paradigm that we could all rally around and get behind.
4. I wanted us to evolve masculinity in a tangible way.
5. I wanted women to help us with this bold agenda.
6. I wanted to share how the deep feminine would be pivotal in the new masculine way moving forward.

Number 1 and 5 were the only expectations that were met. The rest were dropped. As Bill Harryman said in an email to me: “it wasn’t at all what I wanted or expected, but it was EXACTLY what I needed.” And further, I would add, I think almost everyone received what they needed, and not necessarily what they wanted.

We had lively discussions about the masculine and feminine within us and outside of us. We engaged in conflict, told the truth, held back, cried, laughed, danced, listened deeply, co-created, did business, and finally took some action.

What emerged was far better than what I had hoped for.  Without giving you the blow by blow, here are some highlights and what I believe is emerging:

1. Men’s work is dead. The old way we have been doing and selling men’s work is toast and no longer sustainable. Some men will continue to “do men’s work” and even call it that. For me, the associations are too linked to the past of “wound worship” and drama.  Men’s work has been synonymous with support, therapy, and other “wimpy” stuff most men simply don’t buy, nor are they interested in hearing about it.

Moving forward, most of the men there will be “selling” their product and services with a lot more awareness (see below). To me, this is a huge win because ultimately it will mean more men are drawn to inner work through channels and subjects that actually interest them.

Whether or not men’s work continues, remains to be seen.

2. Many seeds were planted instead of one. Instead of birthing a monolithic new paradigm about masculinity that we should all follow or rally behind, what came forth was many men carrying their own inspiration to follow what matters most to them!  No one single vision emerged. Several themes emerged that I believe will see some follow through. For example, reaching men through fatherhood, creative entrepreneurship, networking business events, and a global men’s network.

One highly charged break-out group discussed masculinity, privilege, and culture in depth and there may be more that comes from that conversation.

3. Telling the truth by being oneself. Most men did agree that transparency outside of “men’s weekends” and the privacy of their own home is a good edge to explore. Being truly genuine, off-line and online all the time, is what will show men that it’s okay to tell the truth. I trust it will give more and more men “permission” to be honest about their real life challenges. We must make it compelling by demonstrating in public that we can be super honest about our lives—the highs and the lows without coming across as wounded or broken.

By not talking about ourselves in an honest way all the time, we continue to give our parents and our culture power over us.  If we subscribe to the notion that “it’s personal and private” we rob others the opportunity to know and even consider that it’s okay to talk about what is really going on.  When men see another man “being real” and opening up, it invites and inspires him to do the same.

For example, I had my own personal process that was quite intense. I raged, I screamed, I cried. For better or worse, it opened the door for other men to do the same during the conference.

4. Including women. By including women in this weekend, most of the men realized the shear wisdom and value of having our sisters help us move forward both together and separately. Women are a critical part of men expanding and the women at our conference held up the mirror with grace and deep support. Morever, men must realize that women still have the purchasing power in this country. Many men come to find men’s work through the women in their life. Without women, we are sunk.

5. Being okay with not having a clue. Having several men, many of whom were elders who have done men’s work for many years say by the end of the conference, “I don’t know anything” was a big shift. For the older generation of men to embrace the new and to embrace the unknown is the necessary open door for whatever needs to emerge next.

6. Basic marketing. Throughout the weekend, all of us were challenged to drop the touchy-feely, spiritual jargon that we use to “sell” our products and services and instead repurpose our language in order to meet men where they are at with their genuine wants and desires rather than what we think they need (marketing 101). Using “men’s work” to help men open their eyes, simply does not work. Basic market research of everyday men interested in our unique niche will be a critical step moving forward. To assume that I think I know what men want or need is simply naïve of me.

For example, Seth Braun and Marc Quinn are looking to reach men through creative entrepreneurship and helping men implement their life’s purpose successfully by learning how to be an entrepreneur.

7. Global Men’s Network. This is quite possibly the most far-reaching outcome of the weekend and what the Evolving Men’s Conference may morph into. Christopher Kyle, perhaps myself, and a few other men are committed to taking on a large umbrella organization that could oversee men’s organizations and perhaps each year may hold a men’s leadership council to collaborate and share best practices, leverage collective wisdom, and to further the consciousness of men everywhere.

8. Collaboration. I learned that collaboration is hard and it takes some effort. I understand why sometimes I would rather work alone. Going it alone can seem easier at times. I began planning this conference last winter and enlisted a team to collaborate with me. The facilitation team of 7 men that slowly assembled was extraordinary.  I’ve never facilitated anything with seven other men. By the end, we were like family.  As the weekend wore on, the facilitation team grew to include several other men eager to contribute.  Over ten of us ended up steering the large group and other leaders drove their conversations in smaller groups.

It really took letting go of the reins and opening up to other strong minds and hearts to allow seven-ten of us to complete the weekend. This was frustrating for some. One man commented that there were too many cooks in the kitchen. Another man thought the facilitation sucked and that he could do a far better job. For me, in the end, I think we kicked ass and I was trusting that what was happening was right on, however imperfect and sloppy we were at times. We modeled collaboration among men quite well!

That’s about it! I’m sure other men had other insights, so please share below if you were there. Or, send me over what you got and I can add it here. I will also post this on the EMC webiste.

Men gathering in circle will never die. Men coming together to heal, laugh, fart, cry, and rage consciously is one of the most powerful forms of communication, listening, and witnessing that I am aware of. We men will always do this. How we open our circles to new men is the issue and I am prepared to let go of men’s work as I know it in order to do that.

And, stay tuned for what is emerging and new for me personally. I am going to let this one burn for a while, then see what arises from the ashes.

Since I’m a dadpreneur and a blogger, I guess I fit right in.

This is a very “mainstream” conference as it seems to be targeting an audience outside of traditional “men’s work” circles. I’m eager to see what conversations these men are having about being a father, a husband, and a man in today’s world.

Here is the idea behind the conference according to the M3 website:

The M3 Summit’s goal is to bring together brands, bloggers, and some of the brightest minds in the industry to experience, teach and talk about how the role of Modern Media Man is changing. We know the time, location and topics of focus– educational, personal and business tracks–all will work together to generate the perfect storm in the blogosphere.

This is the best opportunity of the year for men and daddy bloggers, whether they’re stay at home dads, work at home dads, business professionals, the lone entrepreneur, marketer, advertiser and public relations professional to gather in one spot and plot a new course toward progress.

I think people are beginning to understand the critical role fathers play in the growth and evolution of a culture. Perhaps people are understanding that if a Dad (and of course a Mom) is not in the picture, we leave it up to the media and the society at large to raise our children, and we all know where that leaves us.

While the role of “Dad” in a son or daughter’s life is so critical, I’m here to support father’s not get sucked into being “superdad” and instead invite them to be human. I want my father’s humanity, not his attempt at perfection. And that is what I offer everyday to my son and child on the way.

Without launching into an entire post on Fathers and sons (which is a rich topic to explore), I will leave you with a teaser video here that had me in tears. I also want to remind you to keep your eye on the M3 Summit this weekend.

I will be speaking about the new, emerging masculine paradigm. Here’s a taste of my talk in a conversation with host Kevin Roy. This is a good dry run for me to really articulate (and model) this new paradigm prior to the next big conference hosted here in Boulder, the Evolving Men’s Conference.

The year of the daddy blogger might just have a strong influence on shaping the role of man and father in this culture. We’ll see!

Check M3 out on FB too:

http://www.facebook.com/M3Summit

Art by Bryce Widom

When I tell people I “do men’s work” I often get some seriously funny looks. From my understanding, the term “men’s work” originally came into use in the late 70′s and early 80′s as men began to react and respond to the feminist movement. Reactions to feminism sprouted different aspects of men’s work. Largely, men’s work is associated with the mythopoetic men’s movement of the 80′s.

Unfortunately, over time, men doing men’s work got labeled wimpy, new age guys. The stereotype painted a picture of men beating on drums, reading poetry, getting naked, and crying. To this day, some men think this is what I do and while I do participate in drum circles, I do get naked, and I do cry, there is much more to the story.

From my own judgment, “new age,” “spiritual,” “green meme” or whatever you want to call men who are open to personal development work, are labled wimpy and spineless not only because those casting judgment have internalized homophobia and are disconnected from their own feminine and masculine essence, but because sometimes we “holistic guys” do have attributes that lack action, follow through, and practical business skills.

Here is my own definition of men’s work since I couldn’t find one when I googled it.

Men’s work in 2010 is a term used by men to describe “inner psychological work” used to work through and overcome blocks to what men claim they want. Men’s work also challenges and empowers men to be their best. Men’s work is most commonly done in the community of other men in men’s circles and groups and men-only weekend workshops. Men’s work is noteworthy for teaching men to lean on other men, instead of always leaning on women. Men’s work is NOT in reaction to feminism. It is merely one vehicle to help men live the life they claim they want.

Whatever the case, men’s work hasn’t been that cool, nor has it had broad appeal among many men today. Because of this and other reasons, I am calling on men’s leaders to gather in September at the Evolving Men’s Conference Build the Foundation Weekend to vision, collaborate, and brainstorm the way forward.  Thankfully, guys like Marc Quinn and Alex Linsley of ManCollective are coming all the way from England! Both in their 20′s, they are stoking the fire of what’s possible with this stuff called men’s work and men’s groups and helping to redefine it.

In fact, Marc raises some really important questions in the piece below which was published in the Integral Leadership Review.

Marc asks a key question: “Why is most of this men’s work about therapy and support?” And even better he asks, “I am curious to know if wilderness retreats, drumming circles or other practices of yesterday’s men’s groups are really the way forward, or if we need to find a new vehicle to engage men today?” While not all men’s organizations have such activities, the stereotype remains. Finally, as Tripp Lanier and Marc point out, even the term men’s “work” can be a turn off for dudes who have enough “work” in their lives already. More “work” doesn’t exactly sound enticing.

I’m with Marc and Alex. If we really want to help men live lives of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment, we have to get with the program and reach them where they are using language that is current and appealing. With all due respect, dudes simply don’t relate to archetypes such as King, Lover, Magician, Warrior. They don’t read Iron John anymore. The Way of the Superior Man is even becoming outdated. Men need current information and need to know it will genuinely help them live bigger, better lives.

However, even if the message is current and sexy, each man who genuinely wants to improve his life, still faces the canard of judgment. If men want to gather together in 2010 and get real, outside conventional male activities such as the pub, work, and sports, they face being labeled gay, too feminine, naval gazers, or anti-woman.  And, if you want different results in your life as a man and you choose to ask for help, you must make your own personal desire to change a higher priority than what others think of you. Not every man will be up for this.

My response to the onslaught of potential judgment? Who gives a shit. People judge me all the time and they are judging you too. Who cares? Are you really going to let that stop you? I am passionate about my own men’s community and the men’s communities I help create. When men get together in a conscious way, powerful shit happens. It’s not much different than a high-functioning sports team or rock band. When we men gather together we carry the potential of the darkest acts of destruction and the highest, most noble acts of integrity, love, and consciousness.

Obviously I’m inspired to do the latter.

And for the record, I am all about men getting together to raise their individual consciousness and the collective consciousness. As far as what we call it? I think the answer lies in one question we will ponder at the Evolving Men’s Conference in September: “How” will we reach other men and move our collective gender forward in the most fierce, conscious way?

Your thoughts?

Here is the outstanding piece done by Marc. Well worth the read, seriously.

On March 27th, 2010, a group of 25 people (all but 2 being men) gathered in South London to discuss the state of men in the UK, and what could be done to bring more purpose, power and meaning to their lives.

Man Collective was started last November when Alex Linsley, an economics student at Oxford University, wanted to start a men’s group to gather a close-knit community of men to challenge and inspire him to step up the game in his life. Some would say he was unwise to send out an email to the entire Oxford University Network including the question “Do you have balls?” but I found it incredibly bold. Surprisingly enough to Alex, his group earned the attention of Oxford University’s newspaper “Cherwell.” Then within a week it was featured in a national newspaper, The Guardian, and within 24 hours Alex was sat in the BBC studios in Oxford talking on live radio and TV news about what he intended for the group and responding to a barrage of joint feminist and chauvinist attacks. Had anyone ever united the feminists and the chauvinists in the same camp before?

Seeing all this attention brought to Alex over something as “insignificant” as a tiny men’s group, I became highly inspired by the opportunity that lay before us to make a difference for men in the UK. For me, my stars had finally lined up. My own search into all things integral over the last few years told me that this was really a golden opportunity for us to stand for something much greater than a single men’s group. One day, at London’s busiest train station over a cup of coffee, I told Alex that I wanted to see a men’s group in every single university in the UK, and I asked him to help me. Since then, we have tried to see what an organization that could support men would look like, and how groups could be structured so that they would work well. We wanted to go beyond seeing ourselves as “menimists” (a name we have been called by the woman’s magazine Grazia,) and beyond seeing ourselves as a men’s rights group. We did not wish to outsource responsibility for the state of men in the UK to politicians and activists; we wanted to take full responsibility. To put it integrally, we decided we wanted to support the development of the left-hand interior quadrants in the most powerful way we could without making it look like “self help.”

After much discussion about WHY the British press found his group so news-worthy, we decided we wanted to see where “men’s work” was in the UK. Was there anyone out there working solely for men? What did their work look like? More importantly, we wanted to know why they were so difficult to find. We organized The Gathering as a way to accomplish this, and to connect–in many cases for the first time–the many strands that do exist in the UK.

We started The Gathering by giving everyone present an opportunity…read the rest here.

In September of 2010, 25-50 leaders from various men’s organizations around the world will descend upon Boulder Colorado for what will be the first ever collaborative effort to galvanize the current men’s movement and plan a HUGE Men’s Conference in 2011.

Our purpose statement is:

To bring together leaders of various men’s organizations to brainstorm the development of an Evolving Men’s Conference that galvanizes the men’s movement, promotes collaboration among different men’s organizations, and evolves the consciousness of men around the world.

If you are a men’s organization and would like to come, please send an email to: evolvingmensconference@gmail.com. We also have an invite only facebook group where you can see who’s coming.

This is my quick take on the new masculine paradigm that is being born right now. The question is, will you step into it with me? This one is going to take serious balls and a big, wide, open heart. Let’s do it!

I can feel freedom and liberation seeping into my pores! Finally the kind of freedom I have been yearning for.

After watching the video above, watch the one below. This is me right after one of my meltdowns during the Men’s Leadership Training that I was leading recently. Yes, I said “meltdown.” You know, crying, sobbing and drooling on myself in front of 24 other men. It was a huge step in the right direction for me. But not just feeling. Being transparent and open whilst staying in the captain’s seat. I am finding a middle way here and I’m freakin’ pumped about it.

It was a liberating experience.

The world needs more men willing to be completely who they are, completely and utterly authentic and genuine, warts and all. My commitment is to “show you” how to be yourself by leading by example. This means that I continue to reveal more about who I am on this blog.

Be sure to read my previous post on WTF is happening to me for more information. Remember the two key lessons are 1) make mistakes and 2) be transparent and congruent.

I LOVE NOT TRYING TO BE SOMEBODY!!!!

I just finished leading the 2nd weekend of my six month Men’s Leadership Training. Holy shit was it outstanding!!!

I had my mentor David Cates come in and serve us all up around the theme of sexuality. I had about 12 men who assisted me in pulling this off, four were participants from last year’s training. Eight powerful women also came to help us work through some serious masculine feminine dynamics.

The weekend was the pinnacle of my career. It deepened the work I already do with men and opened new doors and possibilities for what is to come! I can hardly wait for next year and may have to do something this fall.

The men explored their edges, blasted through perceived obstacles, got closer as a tribe, and helped me drop my old masculine paradigm-leadership game.

There are two main lessons I learned about myself that I want to share. These are the benchmarks of the new masculine paradigm.

Lesson 1. Make Mistakes

Be willing to make mistakes. Fuck it up. Screw shit up and do it in front of others.

This one was major for me. David opened the door to making serious mistakes. He said something to the effect of “if you don’t learn to make mistakes now, you will never get anywhere.” He encouraged us to drop the masks, the games of pretending we have our shit together, the nonsense about being “on point,” perfect, or even accurate.

It was so releaving to hear this. I didn’t think I needed someone’s permission, but apparently I did. Just knowing it was okay to fuck it up and make mistakes in a safe environment, allowed all of us, staff and participants, to flourish and have even more fun.

And we made many mistakes. I personally lost my wallet for the entire weekend, lost it in front of everyone, left early one night, started late many times, and made many other mistakes, big and small.

How many places in life can we really let go, be ourselves, fuck up royally and still be accepted, welcomed, and loved, even more than we were before?

Lesson 2. Be Transparent and Congruent

The more I share myself, the more others trust me and the closer they feel to me.

As a therapist, I was trained to share very little about myself. Sharing too much of oneself in a therapist role can deter the healing and make for a strange relationship dynamic. While that makes sense in some therapeutic environments, it is less and less relevant to me.

Through Lesson 1, and help with three of my mentors, I decided to get really real and vulnerable in front of my staff and the participants throughout this past weekend. So real that, at one point, the participants held me while I sobbed. I owned up to many insecurities and fears as I looked around at 20 men in the room. I have no problem cyring in front of my family, my men’s circle, and other close friends. But this was edgy shit for me.

The leader-guy letting down his guard? Yup. I seriously thought I was digging my grave. The men were not only open to me opening up in the moment, but they kept saying, I feel closer to you and I trust you more now. WTF? That was a mind-fuck. While I know this to be true when my clients and friends share in this way with me, for some reason, I didn’t think it applied to me or something. Duh.

So, I took big risks and fucked many things up, many times. The result? I had the time of my life. It was the best facilitation experience I have ever had.

I had a profound shift in how I do work with men. As a way to bring in the new masculine paradigm, I will be leading with Lesson 1 and Lesson 2 from now on.

In order to help you experience more satisfaction, ease, light, and love in your life, I have to be willing to show you. That means, sharing my own shit while it’s happening, not after the fact. And, to be congruent—the same guy at home, at work, on my blog, and in the world.

And yes, I will be keeping some of my personal life private. I want to honor my wife and son’s privacy.

Here we go!

Next week will mark the half-way point of the Men’s Leadership Training. Twelve bold men taking serious action toward living more powerful, impactful lives. This is a guest post from one of the participants of the current MLT 2010. I met Jonathan last fall over the phone when I started coaching him. I asked the tribe of MLT if someone would like to write about their experience thus far.  As per usual, Jonathan jumped forward and here is what he has to say after 80 days in the six month training.

On a cold, clear Thursday night in January 2010, I walked into a room of men I had never met before.  By Sunday, I was calling these men my brothers.

That isn’t quite the beginning of my story.  Let me back up.

My name is Jonathan Wondrusch.  I’m a 22 year old man living in Kansas City.  I am a storyteller, a world-changer and participant in Jayson’s Men’s Leadership Training.

I joined MLT because I want to make a difference in the world.  I wanted to get real; I wanted to stop hiding from my issues.  I was tired of feeling alone. I was afraid of coasting, but even more afraid of completely opening my eyes to my potential.

I desperately wanted to be part of a group of men that make a difference in their own lives, the lives of their friends and family and even the world.

Has MLT made a difference in any of that?

Fuck yah.

When I started this training, I would never call myself a “man.”

I had no idea what it meant.  I was turned off to the depth of love I could give and receive. I would beat myself up if I wasn’t able to “stay happy.” I felt isolated.

What is different now?

I am a much more conscious man.

I openly express sadness, anger, fear, rage, self-doubt and am completely vulnerable within a group of powerful men.  I am in a tribe of men who are not afraid to be authentic and deal with the real issues in our lives: purpose, love, money, integrity, sex, fear – all the things that were hard to talk about with another man in the past.

I faceplant way more often than I’d like.  I constantly let myself be distracted from sharing my light.

The difference is how I handle falling down: I am able to stand up and keep going, without judging myself.  I beat myself up less for not being perfect.  I am able to love myself for who I am, instead of hating myself for what I can’t do.

MLT has opened me up to a flood of awareness.  I’ve learned tools for communication and setting boundaries.  I have learned about my nature through journaling, the Enneagram and even some astrology.

This hasn’t been a joyride.  Participating in MLT is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Not every moment of MLT is challenging – most are real, authentic and empowering.  It is one of the hardest things I have ever done because there is no hiding from myself.  Every dark and painful experience that I feel shame or fear around, I am choosing to face.

Keeping my eyes open puts me in touch with my power.  It makes me aware of the light that shines forth and illuminates the world around me.  When I confront my darkness, I am more able to live with love and passion.

I have come to know my truth better.  I recognize it.  In moments of shame and darkness, I can look inward and see what feels true.  When I do, I can move shame into self-loving.  From my truth, I can feel my power and integrity in the actions I take.

MLT is about learning to be who you are.  It is about giving and receiving love.  It is breathing in through your balls and feeling a deep connection with the world around you.  It is about opening your heart.  It is about living with truth and courage and integrity.  It is about not being afraid to be vulnerable in the presence of other men.  It is about not hiding yourself any more.

Finding my Tribe

The best part of MLT is the tribe.  These men are real, authentic and powerful.  Finding someone real is difficult in our society; I am real and I am with men who are also real.

This tribe is a place to belong – a group of men committed to their authenticity, courageously facing our edges, supporting each other, while giving honest (as in no bullshit) feedback on how every one of us is showing up.  Being a part of this group means so much to me.  If I had not joined, I would have been committing to the same bullshit that kept me inauthentic, limited and playing on the sidelines of my life.

The first weekend intensive was one of the most profound experiences of my life.  As I write and recall these memories, I am filled to the brim by the emotions of it.

I answered some of the most important questions I have ever asked of myself: Can I give everything for those I love?  Can I give my all when my body tells me there is nothing more to give?  Can I stand in the face of my greatest fear with an open heart?  Knowing the answers to these questions gives me inner strength that I had only imagined before.

Do you know what it looks like when a man gives his all?  When he holds nothing back?  I saw 15 men do it.  I did it.  I saw 15 men give their all until there was nothing left, and then when they thought they were done, they were asked for more.  Do you know how many men crapped out and decided there was nothing left?  Zero.  Not one man decided that they wouldn’t keep giving their all.  That is the caliber of men that I am on this journey with, and the quality of man that I am.

I am avoiding the specifics of the weekend on purpose.  I hope that at least one man out there will read this and be inspired enough to take the risk and participate in MLT.  I do not want take away from those men’s experience; I do not want to take the risk of his life not being changed because he knew what he was getting into.

What’s next for me?

Honestly, I have no concrete idea.  Every week has different gifts and lessons to learn.  It is not a classroom; it is my life.  I am learning how to live my life on my terms.  I am becoming the man I consciously choose to become.

I’m still working on not being limited by my fears – of not being worthy of love and of not being enough to achieve my dreams.  I am learning to grow through these fears and to embrace my life with an open heart.  I am learning to give and receive love more fully.  I am going to be pushing my boundaries as a man around love, connection, acceptance, awareness, sex, money, potential and what my concept of manhood is.

MLT is inspiring me and teaching me to live up to that in every area of my life.  MLT is about living in integrity with my truth, and it is giving everything in service of love to that truth.

When I started this journey, I couldn’t have looked you in the eye and told you that I was a man.  Much has happened since then, and much more will happen in the future.

Whatever happens, this is me looking you in the eye.

I am a man.

Jonathan Wondrusch is not only a participant in MLT, he writes his own blog http://www.grokkery.com/, is a young visionary, he helped produce this video, and he continues to step into the badass that he is.