Artwork by Bryce Widom

Okay friends. This post is inspired by Matt who listened to my interview on the new man podcast about rites of passage experiences (ROP). I get a lot of emails from men asking me this important question so let’s make this a dialogue.

It is important that I include part of my own journey, specifically the massive rite of passage I find myself in currently. Watch the video which covers a broad overview and some details about my own death/rebirth experience.

Next, tell us about what you have created in terms of a rite of passage for yourself? What has worked for you personally? What was missing?

Then read the basic steps below to begin creating your own ROP.

Here is Matt’s inquiry:

Heard you on the New Man show. What an awesome interview!

Turns out I actually have a rite of passage planned myself for this summer & if you wouldn’t mind guiding me with some of your expertise, I would sure appreciate it!

I’ll be hitch hiking across Canada on $0. My intention is to relate to myself as someone who can survive and even thrive in the world with nothing – and from there, create massive wealth for myself and the world.

Another part of this is I will be living off the kindness & generosity of the world & of others. I get a little weird around receiving & I want to explore what comes up for me around that.

(1) How can I integrate the wisdom passed down through generations on how to create a really powerful rite of passage?

(2) Is there anything i’m missing or things I’ve already incorporated I should make sure not to skip?

First, to understand why I believe men need a rite of passage or an initiation, read this post.

Any good rite of passage has 5 main components

1. The Call. Most men at some point in time feel a longing to go through something hard, to taste danger, death, and the unknown. If you have ever felt that longing, it is what Joseph Campbell describes as “the call to adventure” on the hero’s journey. For evolving men, this call is critical. Many of you have turned away from the call at certain points in your life. Many of you have turned toward the call and stepped into it fully.

If you never felt like there was a call for you personally, you were likely not paying attention.

2. Severance. This is where you must leave the comforts of your own home, community, tribe, and go off on your own. Even in modern day times, you can get away alone into the wilderness, meditate in a retreat cabin for months. However you don’t need to trot off into the wilderness alone like the movie Into the Wild. You can, in my case currently, engage in an urban rite of passage while staying within the framework of your life (family, job, etc). If this is the case, your “severance” will simply look differently.

3. Initiation. The initiation can take many months, many years or just a few hours. What are you being initiated into? There will always be a threshold you have to cross. What is it? What does it represent? Are you going from boy to man? Are you leaving the corporate world to discover who you really are? Whatever the case, you must cross a threshold of some kind in order for your initiation to move forward.

Within the initiation is the fourth component:

4. The ORDEAL. This is the crux of the ROP and where you must face some kind of mortality, death experience only to be reborn anew. This death can be an actual near death experience, or an ego-death, meaning a part of you dies or is let go of.

Be realistic. It is never what you think or want it to be. Even still, set an intention (see below). This is where I am right now in my life. In the middle of a birth canal of some kind.

As my bro Jeremy likes to say, “Everybody wants to be reborn, but not everyone is willing to die.” In other words, I want to the goodies, but I’m not willing to face my demons, my fears, or what might kill me. Any genuine ROP must have have an ordeal, a test, a challenge that really confronts the deepest, darkest aspects of yourself.

Sometimes in life, we don’t choose the ordeal, it chooses us. Such as the death of a loved one or a catastrophe that was out of our hands, or a major crisis of some kind. This then, if you choose to engage it fully, becomes the crucible to a deeper you.

Once on the other side of the ordeal, if you live to tell about it, is finding your way back bringing your gift.

5. The return. This is a critical component and one that many men blow. If you want to impact others by who you now are, you must come back, tell them, and more importantly show them who you are now. You are now different, altered in some way. Your community needs your gifts, your lessons, your new, fresh perspective. You have a gift to give in some way. It is your job to find out what you are bringing back, bring it back, and find out how you need to deliver it.

A few other key points to consider

Determine why you are wanting this. Why now? What is your intention setting out? What is the point? Are you really willing to surrender fully, partially? Get crystal clear on why are you setting out into the unknown.

Then, as my bro Dan Riggan once told me when we led four, back to back, 7-day men’s ROP wilderness trips together, set your intention and let it go. That’s right. Offer it up and be open to whatever experience you get. It will likely be very different than you wanted or expected.

For example, if Matt’s intention is “to relate to myself as someone who can survive and even thrive in the world with nothing – and from there, create massive wealth for myself and the world,” then he needs to consider what “death” needs to happen to step into this. What needs to die in me? What am I willing to let go of and burn forever? He might actually create a ritual within his journey to address this.

Since Matt also wants to explore receiving, more clarity is needed here. What qualifies as receiving? From who? Just because Matt might learn to receive from others on the hitchhiking journey, does that mean he’ll be more able to receive love from his family, lover, and friends? Learning how to receive love is a massive edge for me and most men.

Determine if you want others involved. How so? What is their role? I believe it is essential to have a few “mid-wives” that have gone down the path before you that will have some idea of what you are going through. Someone who can “hold you” through whatever darkness you might encounter.

A mentor is key here. It is also possible to get others on board so they can be doing their ROP concurrently. For example, maybe several men in your men’s group want to do a four day vision fast together. This is good for safety in the wilderness. If, on the other hand, you might want to go-it-alone. If you want to do a year-long journey and travel abroad alone, your set up and support system must be well calculated.

For Matt, who is holding him throughout the process? What kind of spiritual context, framework or undercurrent will assist him?

Determine the structure. Is it tight such as a month-long solo meditation retreat in a cabin? Or is the structure loose and open-ended like Matt’s? Is the wind going to take you or are you in the driver’s seat planning every step? Go after your growth edge. Do what is uncomfortable, new, and fresh for you. But stay away from stupid, irresponsible, impulsive acts.

Use the 5 steps above or look more into Joseph Campbell’s hero’s journey for an outline to your ROP.

The more embodied your journey the better. Being in your body will help you clear blocks, move through karma, and release old emotions. If you are not experiencing pain and great joy, something is likely off. If you don’t feel anything during your experience from tremendous highs to dark lows, then re-evaluate. I know plenty of meditators that just sit there and space out and think they are getting somewhere.

Having a daily practice of some kind, be it meditation, journaling, walking quietly, and other contemplative, body-present-centered practices faciliate a deeper journey.

What about illicit substances? If used consciously and in a ritualistic, respectful way, plant medicine such as peyote or ayahuasca can be massively transformative for truth seekers and courageous men willing to face their demons and their darkness to uncover their light. Plant medicine is only to be done under the guidance of trained shamans and elders who deeply know the power and potential consequences of their use.

Document your ROP. Bring a flip video or journal and keep track on things. Write about it, and share it live or later on. This way, others can learn from your experience.

What about you? Tell us about your ROP. What was it like? If you have never gone through one, what kind of ROP might serve who you are at your stage in life? What in you needs to die right now? What new aspect of yourself is wanting to emerge?

In September of 2010, 25-50 leaders from various men’s organizations around the world will descend upon Boulder Colorado for what will be the first ever collaborative effort to galvanize the current men’s movement and plan a HUGE Men’s Conference in 2011.

Our purpose statement is:

To bring together leaders of various men’s organizations to brainstorm the development of an Evolving Men’s Conference that galvanizes the men’s movement, promotes collaboration among different men’s organizations, and evolves the consciousness of men around the world.

If you are a men’s organization and would like to come, please send an email to: evolvingmensconference@gmail.com. We also have an invite only facebook group where you can see who’s coming.

This is my quick take on the new masculine paradigm that is being born right now. The question is, will you step into it with me? This one is going to take serious balls and a big, wide, open heart. Let’s do it!

I can feel freedom and liberation seeping into my pores! Finally the kind of freedom I have been yearning for.

After watching the video above, watch the one below. This is me right after one of my meltdowns during the Men’s Leadership Training that I was leading recently. Yes, I said “meltdown.” You know, crying, sobbing and drooling on myself in front of 24 other men. It was a huge step in the right direction for me. But not just feeling. Being transparent and open whilst staying in the captain’s seat. I am finding a middle way here and I’m freakin’ pumped about it.

It was a liberating experience.

The world needs more men willing to be completely who they are, completely and utterly authentic and genuine, warts and all. My commitment is to “show you” how to be yourself by leading by example. This means that I continue to reveal more about who I am on this blog.

Be sure to read my previous post on WTF is happening to me for more information. Remember the two key lessons are 1) make mistakes and 2) be transparent and congruent.

I LOVE NOT TRYING TO BE SOMEBODY!!!!

Evolution requires the balls to die. As my friend Jeremy likes to say “Everybody wants to be reborn, but not everybody is willing to die.”

I’m learning that if you really want to expand and evolve, you must be willing to let go of what you thought, even what you believed….completely.

Perhaps there is something in you longing to come out and be expressed or claimed? What part of you is stagnant or not congruent with who you are? What will you do about it?

I will be sharing more as the weeks go by about what is emerging. It’s fucking exciting.

Stay tuned brothers….

Here is the end product as a result of this project and your feedback. Thank you everyone.

Thanks Jonathan Wondrush for the video skills.

And below is the unedited feedback. Let’s keep this list growing. Please add your feedback for men in the comment section below. This might be a great resource for a man who stumbles across the information below. Who knows, it might be just what he needs to hear.
Show up FULLY..in all areas of your life.
–Shehreyar, 29, Washington,DC

Less talk…. Less self obsession… More action…. More celebration!
–LF Solis, Colorado

When you are acting in a spirit of appreciation and service, pay no attention to the reactions of others  - keep focusing on your purpose.
–Eric Geurkink

Take the time each day to practice gratitude, to exercise, to breath deeply, to meditate. Ask for support, and be open.
–Margaret Gavin Roefs

Each day, make a conscious choice to live your life. Step into your light, and out of the darkness. The world needs you.
–Clinton Jasperson, 25. Cheyenne, WY

Don’t let your fear of failure keep you operating at a fraction of your potential. Celebrate what failure teaches you and go for it!
–Mark Bloomfield, Colorado

Be strong enough to be gentle.
–Kevin A. Beck

Be Man Enough NOT to Get LAID
–Liana Gailand

Breath deep…..down in to your balls….regularly.
–Joshua Gribschaw-Beck 30, Scottsdale, AZ

Read these 3 articles by Andrea Dworkin: “On Prostitution and Male Supremacy,” “I Want a 24 Hour Truce During Which There Is No Rape,” “Pornography Happens to Women.”
–Molly Boeder, Chicago

Work on transforming and evolving the views of men around the world who walk with supremacy and treat women with the many horrifying ramifications of patriarchy.
–Johannah Reimer

imagine an experience in which men are not the center of creation (social, ritual, intelligence, consciousness, etc.) and live it for one full day of engagement with every one you meet.

–Suu, 47, Crestone, CO

We need you to be leaders, starting within.
–Aaron Williams

Realize you have a choice in everything you do, and find a way to trust yourself.
–Diego

My constructive feedback for MEN is to stop dwelling on the mud that is up to your chest and look up to the people surrounding you and ask for a hand.
–Will Mellon

When you catch yourself judging someone, ask yourself, “Does this reflect upon something about me that I’m afraid of facing?”
–Dan S
One sentence? Ha! The feminine does not speak in one sentences. We tell stories. The masculine is far more equipped to be linear, focused and succinct. To ask the feminine to respond in one sentence limits her full expression. If you are still reading even though I have gone beyond the boundary of the one sentence request, then i would offer this to men: learn the currency of the feminine. The greatest gift you can give to her is connection and protection. There are a cagililon ways to show this – ask the women in your life what this looks like for her. There is no one-rule to follow. That is part of the feminine mystique. We are unique and desire to be treated as precious, felt that we are the only woman in the room and dead sexy to you despite offering our bodies no longer looking like quite as tight or perky as when we were twenty. Make a woman feel adored and safe and she will in turn with worship, appeciate and trust you.
–Beth

My constructive feedback for MEN is;
1) Surround yourself with people that will support you
2) Never Stop learning/Growing
3) Choose to be honest
4) Have fun, manhood is a journey not a destination (as I’m learning
–Spida Hunter, New Zealand
Regain a sense of balance and let go of social conditioning. Make this a priority. Just as Yang balances Yin and the Sun balances the Moon (symbolically) we must balance our masculine nature with the feminine. Stop trying so hard to be something you’re not and realize freedom and creativity require that we break out of the hypnosis of social conditioning. We will offer the the planet much more and our fellow human ,much more if we let go and balance ourselves.

–Dan – 41, Dallas, TX
Trust your gut, stop denying your emotion, pain, and passion, take bold action without approval and define your place in the world as protector, caregiver, daredevil.
–Matt Leiphart, Arvada, Co

Start trying to see the difference between what you think and what you feel. Can you find one?
–Utopicus
Get over your teenage years ASAP and move on to being a sensitive, compassionate, hard working adult who cares about other people.
–Patrick
Remember who you were before the world did its work of tearing you down–be that man.
–Lisa

Answer “Thank you for telling me what’s going on for you” EVERY time a woman shares a feeling of hers with you… ESPECIALLY if you don’t like it.
–Erin Brandt, CA

Own your crap but don’t let it own you. Face your own brokenness with honest courage and work toward being a person of integrity and honor for the sakes of everyone around you.
–Michelle

.let go of what you think manliness is and how you feel you should act and reach true self-confidence by focusing on relationships with the ones you love whether it be a significant other, family or friends.
–Carlos, 24, Provo, UT
My constructive feedback for MEN: Grow a beard
–Derek

Stop letting the fear of disappointment and the perceived notion that others will see you as a failure for trying and not achieving and start DOING.
–Jeff Taylor, Ut
Learn to understand and fulfill your physical, mental, and emotional needs so you can serve the people and commitments in your life.

–Ben, 27, Boston MA

We all need to embrace our societal addiction to pornography and end it.It is destructive in so many ways and sadly pervasive.  An acquaintance of mine posted on Facebook the other day about his long bicycle trip. He LOVES crusty European breads. His stop in San Fran had a pic posted that said “Bread Porn” and there was a pic of a loaf of crusty bread, made me sad! Pornography is no joke!

–Yazzymon

Don’t be so damn afraid of owning your power and to use it in accordance with your deepest inspiration.
–Joona

Treat the women in your lives like partners, not slaves or children.
–Pam Belding

Cultivate mindful awareness of your own suffering and have compassion.
–Gabriel Jessee

Stop settling. Find your purpose, your passion, what you deem best, and go for it, all the way.

–

Ron, 50, Lubbock, TX

Be an equal partner with your woman, loving and respectful — men are not supposed to be dominant and superior over women.
–Jacqueline

Stop settling for less than you really deserve because we are so worth it and we deserve to be happy.
–Randle Fox

Please, develop the character and skills to be direct and clear about who you are – out of respect for all involved.
–Susan Hodges

If a man can’t love other men, he can’t love the man in himself.
–David Cates

Read Mauareen Dowd’s excellent book “Are Men Really Necessary?” She covers both sides scientifically and fairly. The disappearance of the Y chromosome will leave us all with non gender identifiable bodies in the upcoming future. The human body continues to evolve, so don’t destroy your life by identifying with it; Identify with yourself and live YOUR LIFE. I am just breaking free of the yoke of my perceived “role”, which I was ’successful’ at: it’s a joke, don’t fall for it.
–Roger, 64, Ashland Oregon

Accept responsibility for your actions. Your way does NOT mean it’s right. You don’t ALWAYS have to win.
–Pam

My constructive feedback for MEN is… “Real men get real!” Real men drop the facade and stop pretending to be who they are not… they connect with other men who are willing to get real… they deal with their past… and they do all that they need to, to discover and realize their destinies, which should always result in helping others succeed.
–Darren
My constructive feedback for MEN is to contemplate and re-discover the meaning of Fatherhood, to question themselves as to what is lacking in their relationships with their wives, children, and companions, and to launch out in a daring, personal enterprise of self-giving and commitment as true and manly Fathers.
–Firebrand9

Ask more; assume less.The feminine in women and in yourself requires the quest. Check in, with your own soul and emotional nature before you move; check in with me and my soul and emotional nature before making a move. Don’t decide for me, then resent me because you have failed to please me. Find your courage and learn to cultivate it so you may quest successfully along with me, because dominating, controlling and possessing me will never satisfy you. And you, pointing to me as your source of dissatisfaction is not an act of courage or power or control.
–Gina Vance

Follow two things; your heart and the directions.
–Daniel V, Denver, Co

Lean on Men, not Women
–Justice Marshall, British Columbia

Love. Practice love toward yourself first. Then learn to deeply give and receive love. It’s all there is.
–Jayson Gaddis, Boulder Co

Let those whom you love be free. Trust them and accept them for who they are. If they break your heart, accept the pain.
–Brent, 33, Portland OR

My advice for Men is: admit your fear – it’s what’s behind embarrassment, loneliness, bitching about your woman (or lack thereof), and your rage.
We all have it somewhere/somehow – and we are not brought up to admit it.
It takes courage to say I’m scared shitless, I need help, and I’m going to lean into this even though I’m terrified of failing. No-one got to be successful by running away.
The first step is the hardest, but every one after is a little easier.
It’s working for me, it can certainly work for you.
–Bill Lennan

“My constructive feedback for MEN is to remember that one of the gifts of your being a man is your ability to bring your masculine power into partnership with your connection to your heart (remember that?) to co-create a world that doesn’t thrive on separation – from our own essence or with the opposite sex.
–Geoff Laughton, Lafayette, Co

Words lie, heart doesn’t. Do what is yours to do as you understand it, irregardless of whether anyone cheers or not
–Domo

My constructive feedback for MEN is…
to rigorously discern whether they’re integrating their emotional/spiritual work from the inside-out such that they implode who they’ve known themselves to be, or they’re simply applying outwardly, via their actions and speech, all the self-actualization/new-age strategies, techniques, and vocabulary in ways that “look and sound good” but eventually betray the gap in full-out integrity: “awake” men who don’t wake up to this are sometimes scarier for me than men who haven’t consciously worked on themselves, because the “conscious” man is now better equipped to deny and defend that gap, which is where unconscious manipluation, domination, and other survival strategies still show up.
–Marj Hahne

Realize you have a choice in everything you do, and find a way to trust yourself.
–Diego

Stop dwelling on the mud that is up to your chest and look up to the people surrounding you and ask for a hand.
–Will Creates

The first thing that comes to mind is to keep the preditorary energy in check when interracting with women. And teach other men that predation (exploitation) of women is unacceptable in our society.
–A caring woman

Stop posturing and realize that owning and expressing (without collapsing) ALL emotions is part of being a man!
–Sandy Scotland 19, Toronto

Take responsibility for your own life – step out of what others expect of you and step into what YOU want from life.
–Jo Della Penna

Look at all the thoughts/beliefs that come up in your mind when you think of not needing support – and when you truly FEEL into them, how much fear is hiding under those beliefs? Reach out!
–Michael Vladeck, 36, Boulder, CO

You are good. You don’t have to stay angry at your father your whole life. Don’t forget the dreams you had for your life when you were a little boy.
–Josh Levin, Boulder Co

Start being painfully, brutally honest with yourself and others, stop hiding your secrets. Find others who can hear you and challenge you in your growth.
–Marcus Ambrester, Tennessee

Recognize your teachers when they show up!
–Rick Snyder, Berkley CA

Show vulnerability, it gives permission to those around us to do the same, men or women.
–Tad Hardgrave, Edmonton, Alberta

Stop living your life as a perception of others and focus on how you want to be seen as yourself.
–Travis Willis

Its the little things that keep love alive, like flowers on a bad day, a surprise dinner when she’s had a hard week. This is courtship and you should never stop courting.
–Callie Cox

this is pretty hard to comment on, i feel like its a bit open ended… i could comment on my opinion about contributing causes or my opinion about the most personally poignant manifest. Might be helpful if you could be a little more specific about what the statement should address…
–Monica Mungary

My constructive feedback for MEN is, be honest with yourself, and with the people around you. Tell us what you want, what you really want, not what you think you SHOULD want because you are a man and you are trying to be something your not, we cant always guess what that is. We will all be happier for it. Thank you

–Laura Kelly, 31, Hong Kong

Constructive feedback for men- Have a daily goal- and get it done before 11 A.M. You would be surprised what this will do for your confidence level, and how much you will change your world. I feel like as men we set too many long-term goals, and we get bogged down in daily activities. Having a daily goal and finishing it before 11 or noon even will… See More invigorate your day and resonate with everyone around you, and you will feel better about yourself, feel more productive, and others will notice.

–Jake Carpenter, 23, Lexington KY

Left a comment on your website: “My constructive feedback for MEN is a simple question: How well has that (whatever you’ve been trying in the past, making excuses, blaming others, blaming yourself, etc.) worked out for you so far?” This simple question has helped me jar some stuck friends out of a rut, at least for a moment, to help them realize that there are things they could change, right now, to better themselves; if they just let go of what has failed in the past.
–Matt Zimney, Fargo, ND 25yo

Answer “Thank you for telling me what’s going on for you” EVERY time a woman shares a feeling of hers with you… ESPECIALLY if you don’t like it. It makes a woman feel SAFE. So she can tell you everything. Having no barriers (of withheld communications) keeps our emotions and bodies more alive, more responsive (and more ready for sex!)
–Erin Brandt

Its the little things that keep love alive, like flowers on a bad day, a surprise dinner when she’s had a hard week this is courtship and you should never stop courting.
–Callie Cox

Be responsible and accountable for every action you take. You are not a victim, you are a Man, start acting like one. For me, in this moment, this means really paying attention to my finances and start working on my taxes.
–Tom Taber, 41 – Fort Collins, CO

More men need to hold to the commitments they make and move forward with them, rather than just letting idle distractions and pleasures sidetrack them. And more men need to powerfully know what they want and what they’re inspired to create in this world, and really go for it.
–Craig Peters, 25, Vancouver BC

To remember that you are not alone, and to be in need of support is not weakness or ‘gay,’ but rather a sign of strength, for when we are able to realize where we are limited and ask for support in those areas, we able to truly grow to new levels of awareness of ourselves, of each other and the world.
–Ian Shaw 24 boulder co

Our discontent with life is a direct result of hiding ourselves away from fears in our man cave. Life is happening right here and right now! Come out and take a step along with me into all we fear!
–Jim Bray

my constructive feedback for men is to take a long hard look at history and see the effects of the actions of the men who came before you. if the men who came before you raped and pillaged and looted, then handed down to you the spoils of that theft, do not accept it as “the way things have always been.” I think that we as men have essentially terrorized the globe, and now that many are fearing a reckoning day, we are trying to pass the buck. We as men, as a collective and as individuals, need to look at the the events that brought us to this point before we go any further. i am not saying that we should blame ourselves or blame another man, but that we should take an honest assessment of our society and our selves, and take full responsibility for our own mess. (this is both literal and metaphorical)- there is a tendency among men to throw our trash into a landfill- out of sight and out of mind, but i believe we need to start seeing that it does not just go away. the sneakers that we toss into a waste bin are not just rubber and cloth and leather. they are railroads and strip mines and child labor and toxic glue and aromatic polyamides. before that they were colonization and imperialism and slavery. this doesn’t necessarily make the shoes bad, or you a bad person for wearing them, but i think this realization should be a part of every decision made from this point forward.
–alex szyleyko, 28, pueblo co

My feedback for men is to get in touch with what you truly, deeply desire and find a path through the wilderness until you achieve it or die trying. What the world tries to offer you is never going to serve you or fulfill you – it must be found in the wilderness (both literal and archetypal). Seek mentors and bros – even if that means leaving the known, comfortable circles of co-conspirators that keep you from stepping up in life. No matter how much you love them, there comes a point where you have to acknowledge that the ones you came up with are not going to walk with you to the place your Mission leads you, but new men will come into your life who will walk beside you, guide you, even carry you… and perhaps eventually you will move beyond them too. Just be open to that possibility – your heart will know. Be willing to deconstruct yourself (vs. self-destruct) and rebuild from your core whenever you’ve accumulated too much crap that is no longer serving you and only hiding your light and your purpose – from you and from the world. Hold the deepest desire of your heart as your compass, seek out worthy mentors, and be willing to reinvent yourself when your map no longer matches the territory you find yourself standing in.
–Craig Filek, NY

My constructive feedback for MEN is to stop living your life as a perception of others and focus on how you want to be seen as yourself.
–Travis Wills

Stop pretending you know what you’re doing. It’s okay that you don’t. How could you?
–Jennifer Grove

My constructive feedback for MEN is….
Breathe..breathe deep..practise dropping out of your head (thinkingness) and get into your body (feelingness)…feel your feet on the ground connected, feel where your tight in the body and breathe through it until it loosens..then FEEL into your world and its women as they ARE and watch the magic
–Ian

My constructive feedback for MEN is….Open the door to vulnerability and feel love flow in
–Michelle

For Men: Do you just not SEE me? ;if you did you would know me. If you knew me, you would love me. Be honest and know what you want; please don’t play games.
–Salsayvonne

Sometimes it takes balls to start a men’s group and stick with it.

This is an inspiring story of a 20 year old guy in England who just wanted to start a men’s group to explore what it means to be a man. He put up fliers asking “Do you have balls?” to attract men interested in personal development and men’s groups.

Not too long after the fliers were up, he began to receive some intense feedback by women’s groups and other folks.

I don’t think anyone will argue that historically men have wreaked havoc on people, the planet and women. When we men get together, especially if alcohol is involved, we can act like a bunch of childish morons and great harm has been caused by “group think” when groups of men get together from hazing, bullying, crime, gang rape, to extreme violence.

However, as Alex Linsley, founder of the Man Collective, Oxford, reports

“I want to create this forum for men, so men can learn from each other and discuss these issues and make a positive step forward.”

And that is threatening because????

He continues,

“There is so much conflicting information for men. There is massive confusion as to what being a man means, and how to be a good man. Should you be the sensitive all-caring, perhaps the ‘feminized’ man? Or should you be the hard, take no crap from anybody kind of figure?

“Neither of those are particularly useful paradigms. But there’s perhaps things we could learn from both perspectives”.

According to their website, the Man Collective-Oxford believes:

That masculinity should not be a source of shame.  Masculinity should be honed as an alliance between attitudes of purpose and integrity. Men do and should aspire to greatness and that this can be achieved through sharing in the wisdom of great teachers and experiencing the support and challenge other men can offer.

The intention of MC-O is to bring together men on this basis to drag, persuade and inspire each other to become the best versions of themselves in an atmosphere of  respect, support and integrity.

Sounds pretty awesome to me!!!

Listen to Alex get interviewed by my bro Tripp Lanier on the New Man Podcast here.

If you live in the UK, get in touch with 27 year old Marc Quinn and 20 year old Alex Linsley if you want to step up your game and be held accountable by other courageous, soulful men wanting to explore what it means to be a man in 2010. Here’s the link to their gathering this coming weekend.

http://www.mancollective.co.uk/home/gathering/

And if you don’t live in the UK but find yourselves making excuses about why you have yet to start of find a good men’s group, sac up, take a note from these two guys and get in the game!

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Here are other related links if you want to dive into the whole story:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/nov/25/mens-group-feminist-student-union

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2009/nov/23/men-students-support-groups-universities

He has also been on BBC TV News but the sound is a bit dodgy:

Since today is International Men’s Day, reflect on these questions surrounding manhood:

• Have been initiated into manhood?
• How would I rate myself as a Man at this juncture in my life?
• In what areas do I have yet to grow?
• Where do I hold back in my life?
• What would I do if I wasn’t afraid today?
• How and What am I contributing to the world right now?
• How can I help a fellow man today?
• If I were to celebrate one thing about myself today, what would it be and whom can I share that with?
• Do I have other quality men in my life that demand the best from me and that have my back? If not, what am I going to do about it?
• Can I heal whatever wounds I have helped create toward women?
• What kind of man (father, son, brother, husband) do I want to be? What can I commit to to make that happen

Feel free to share below or with a fellow man. Practice celebrating your manhood with the women in your life. Let them know how you intend to carry yourself as a man. Will you be a typical man who acts like a boy or are you ready to man up and be a man?

Here are a few new books on the shelves that might be of interest.

The Good Men Project

Tom Matlock has opened the conversation about manhood and being a good man. His book is on a national tour right now along with accompanying documentary.  Watch this short trailer and you will get a sense of the book and project. Proceeds from book sales go to at-risk boys programs. Very cool.

10.27.2009 – (Boston, MA) – What does it mean to be a “good man?” Hear some answers as The Good Men Project kicks off its first series of events and begins a national conversation about modern manhood. The Project’s centerpieces are The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood anthology of essays and the documentary film of the same name. The book is now available at Amazon.com and at select independent bookstores with DVDs of the film available on November 15. The Project’s founders, along with contributors to the book and film, will embark on a unique seven-week, three-city tour that will take them from a prison in New York to a TV and film studio in Hollywood. Along the way, they will tell their stories, answer questions, and foster a timely and essential discussion about what it means to be a good man.

Become a fan of the Good Man Project on Facebook here. Or buy the book Good Men Project.

Hold On To Your Nuts!

Next there’s a great book by Wayne Levine called “Hold on To Your Nuts” The relationship manual for men. Wayne’s a great guy and very committed to men’s work and helping men be their best. Wayne runs the West Coast Men’s Center and leads men’s retreats.

The Art Of Manliness

Then, there’s a more conventional guidebook by the popular men’s site http://ArtOfManliness.com

The Art Of Manliness has also just released their new book:

The Art of manliness, Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man. Here’s a short video of Bretty McKay announcing the book!

Become a fan of Art of manliness on facebook here.

Manhood For Amateurs

And then there’s a book of one man’s journey with manhood. Manhood for Amateurs: The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father and Son by Michael Chabon. This one sounds like it might be juicy.

There have been no shortage of books on motherhood, but daddy diaries are a growing phenomenon. Chabon raises the bar with his often poignant meditations on manhood, fatherhood and aspects of his own childhood. Most of these loosely connected essays, which add up to an episodic autobiography of sorts, first appeared in Details magazine. In addition to the gorgeous prose for which he is celebrated, several lovely qualities shine through.

He emerges from these 39 beautifully written personal essays as a prince among men. Not only does he produce dazzling novels that have given genre fiction literary cachet — including The Yiddish Policemen’s Union (2007) and his Pulitzer Prize-winning Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay (2001) — he also cooks, cleans, markets and gets his children to their appointments — and counts himself fortunate to be in a position to do so. Read The rest here.

What other current books do you recommend? No books that are over 5 years old please.

The 8 men pictured to the left just went through an incredible rite-of-passage. It was Revolutionary Man’s first ever men’s personal development training.

As far as I know, this is the only training of it’s kind in the World. 3.5 months of intense inner growth, personal development work with a group of guys committed to living powerful, fulfilling lives.

As one man said, “The challenge we undertook together was all about facing fear, providing comprehensive support, accountability & encouragement in an immpecably safe & trusting environment as we urged one another towards our highest purpose. Phew, what a journey! I love you men! Thank you!”

These men spent two weekend intensives in Boulder Colorado and every Monday night on the phone together for 3.5 months.

For more info on the training read this post. For the Revolutionary Man Leadership Training 2010, click here.

Watch this video as a few men share their experience of the 108 days!

Here is a testimonial:

“Jayson Gaddis is a f_cking magician. He has opened the right doors at the right time for me to take a hard look at myself and discover not only my purpose on this planet but my potential as a man. My life was filled with fear and doubt and insecurity until gave me the tools to dig that stuff up and the strength to face it.”
—Alex Szyleyko, 27.

My friend Mike posted this on his Facebook Wall. I watched it and cried.

What is that? (Τι είναι αυτό;) 2007 from MovieTeller on Vimeo.