The Wilderness (1/5) from Boulder Integral on Vimeo.

Years ago I was a bit of an extreme athlete.  My body was pretty ripped and I pushed the limits, hard. I ran up and down mountains, climbed tall overhanging cliffs and mountain biked by moonlight. I made a ski movie and jumped off 60 foot cliffs often after my morning coffee.

On the outside I was a pretty in-shape dude. I got lots of praise for being so “fit.” But inside I was a bit of a mess. Every time I found myself in an intimate relationship I would bail out for a variety of superficial, lame reasons. Moreover, the harder I pushed myself, the less fulfilled I was. And the joy I felt never lasted.

What was missing? I was fit externally, but unfit internally. My “inner world” was foreign territory.

The future of men’s health is psychological health–”inner world” fitness.

Most men think being healthy means having a 6 pack or “eating right.” Most men also think that if a guy wins triathlons, he is a really healthy guy. But why is it that some triathletes are zombies emotionally. These guys could be just as pissed off or shut down as the guy who never exercises. I have worked with many uber athletes who are completely incompetent when it comes to relationship, just like I was.

This “common guy” approach to fitness is fine, but ultimately it’s pretty limited. If you want to be healthy and feel at peace overall, and you really want happiness and fulfillment, you MUST work out your inner psychology.

Men who’s inner world is foreign territory will always think that happiness and joy comes from the outside and will therefore always be looking for it in all the wrong places.  Dudes that are cut-off from their inner world are a bomb waiting to explode.

So, what are some signs of being psychologically out of shape? Here are four:

1. you are not that open to feedback from others

2. you are easily defensive or resentful

3. you are pretending to be happy

4. when someone asks you how you feel, your standard answer is “Fine”

5. you place all of your value on external wins and appearances

If you can relate to any of these, you’re out of shape psychologically.

So, what should you do?

• First, ask yourself if you have any interest in getting your inner world in shape. Is that of any interest to you?
• Next, ask yourself what is the impact of me being out of shape psychologically? For example, if you are indeed out of  shape internally, maybe that has an impact on your co-workers or partner. Moreover, it is likely that you surround yourself with people who support your psychological “out-of-shapeness.”

If you want to have a bigger impact and be a game-changing Man, consider working your most out-of-shape muscle of all–your inner being, otherwise known as your heart.

More tips to come in the following days…

When I look around my life I can honestly say that in I’m going for it in most areas of my life.  However, at the same time, I realized how much I am holding back in my career. I work with many men and women individually and when I am with them, I’m there, present, astute, available. But in the bigger picture, I am capable of much, much more.

I also realized that in the area of exercise I have been holding back as well. As an athlete who pushed myself most of my life, my body is pretty jacked up. That became an excuse to not find my way with my physical workouts. So, a few weeks ago I signed up with a friend at the boxing gym. Needless to say, it’s kicking my ass, but is serving me big time. I notice where I hold back in the gym and I have a friend who will call me out if he sees that in me.

If guys are honest, they are holding back somewhere in their lives. Check this out:

I recently sent out a survey to dozens of men between the ages of 26-45. Some interesting themes showed up. Here are a few.

I asked men, “What percentage are you living up to your full potential as a man?” 20% of men said they are living at 90-99% of their full capacity. 39% said they were living at 80-89%. 30% said 60-79%. and 10% of men said they are living at below 50% of capacity as a man. So, one can reason that at most men are indeed holding back, some more than others. In fact only 2 men said they are living at 100% of their capacity.

When asked a follow up question, “What is keeping you from playing at 100% of your potential?”

40% of men surveyed said various aspects of “Work” is what is keeping them from reaching 100% of their capcity (things like “not enough time, burned out, too tired from work, etc). 35% of men said “myself” is the main issue that is keeping them from reaching their full potential. The rest of the men reported things such as time, balance, the economy, expectations of others.

So, what does all this data say? To me it suggests two things:

1) Men are indeed holding back and

2) Most guys believe that the reason they hold back are due to external factors such as the economy, time, and money. If this were true, then the only way a man could live up to his potential is if something outside himself changed. Well, I have news for those men: So long as you wait around for something outside yourself to be different so that you can have the results you want, you’ll be waiting for a long time and you will never reach your potential as a Man.

So, a few tips:

1. admitting you are holding back is the first step. Do this and your on the right track.

2. Now that you have admitted that you are holding back, start making a list of the areas in your life that you were you are holding back and what it would take to not hold back in that area. For example, if you think you are holding back in your life because of money, ask yourself “how will having more money allow me to hold back less?” Put a dollar amount on it. Who’s responsibility is it to make more money?

3. Get some feedback from trusted sources, people that know you well. What do they say about you holding back? Ask them honestly. Would they like to see more of your skills or less of your talents? Make a commitment to them.

C’mon fellahs, what in the hell are you waiting for?