Thanks Jonathan Wondrush for the video skills.

And below is the unedited feedback. Let’s keep this list growing. Please add your feedback for men in the comment section below. This might be a great resource for a man who stumbles across the information below. Who knows, it might be just what he needs to hear.
Show up FULLY..in all areas of your life.
–Shehreyar, 29, Washington,DC

Less talk…. Less self obsession… More action…. More celebration!
–LF Solis, Colorado

When you are acting in a spirit of appreciation and service, pay no attention to the reactions of others  - keep focusing on your purpose.
–Eric Geurkink

Take the time each day to practice gratitude, to exercise, to breath deeply, to meditate. Ask for support, and be open.
–Margaret

Each day, make a conscious choice to live your life. Step into your light, and out of the darkness. The world needs you.
–Clinton Jasperson, 25. Cheyenne, WY

Don’t let your fear of failure keep you operating at a fraction of your potential. Celebrate what failure teaches you and go for it!
–Mark Bloomfield, Colorado

Be strong enough to be gentle.
–Kevin A. Beck

Be Man Enough NOT to Get LAID
–Liana Gailand

Breath deep…..down in to your balls….regularly.
–Joshua Gribschaw-Beck 30, Scottsdale, AZ

Read these 3 articles by Andrea Dworkin: “On Prostitution and Male Supremacy,” “I Want a 24 Hour Truce During Which There Is No Rape,” “Pornography Happens to Women.”
–Molly Boeder, Chicago

Work on transforming and evolving the views of men around the world who walk with supremacy and treat women with the many horrifying ramifications of patriarchy.
–Johannah Reimer

imagine an experience in which men are not the center of creation (social, ritual, intelligence, consciousness, etc.) and live it for one full day of engagement with every one you meet.

–Suu, 47, Crestone, CO

We need you to be leaders, starting within.
–Aaron Williams

Realize you have a choice in everything you do, and find a way to trust yourself.
–Diego

My constructive feedback for MEN is to stop dwelling on the mud that is up to your chest and look up to the people surrounding you and ask for a hand.
–Will Mellon

When you catch yourself judging someone, ask yourself, “Does this reflect upon something about me that I’m afraid of facing?”
–Dan S
One sentence? Ha! The feminine does not speak in one sentences. We tell stories. The masculine is far more equipped to be linear, focused and succinct. To ask the feminine to respond in one sentence limits her full expression. If you are still reading even though I have gone beyond the boundary of the one sentence request, then i would offer this to men: learn the currency of the feminine. The greatest gift you can give to her is connection and protection. There are a cagililon ways to show this – ask the women in your life what this looks like for her. There is no one-rule to follow. That is part of the feminine mystique. We are unique and desire to be treated as precious, felt that we are the only woman in the room and dead sexy to you despite offering our bodies no longer looking like quite as tight or perky as when we were twenty. Make a woman feel adored and safe and she will in turn with worship, appeciate and trust you.
–Beth

My constructive feedback for MEN is;
1) Surround yourself with people that will support you
2) Never Stop learning/Growing
3) Choose to be honest
4) Have fun, manhood is a journey not a destination (as I’m learning
–Spida Hunter, New Zealand
Regain a sense of balance and let go of social conditioning. Make this a priority. Just as Yang balances Yin and the Sun balances the Moon (symbolically) we must balance our masculine nature with the feminine. Stop trying so hard to be something you’re not and realize freedom and creativity require that we break out of the hypnosis of social conditioning. We will offer the the planet much more and our fellow human ,much more if we let go and balance ourselves.

–Dan – 41, Dallas, TX
Trust your gut, stop denying your emotion, pain, and passion, take bold action without approval and define your place in the world as protector, caregiver, daredevil.
–Matt Leiphart, Arvada, Co

Start trying to see the difference between what you think and what you feel. Can you find one?
–Utopicus
Get over your teenage years ASAP and move on to being a sensitive, compassionate, hard working adult who cares about other people.
–Patrick
Remember who you were before the world did its work of tearing you down–be that man.
–Lisa

Answer “Thank you for telling me what’s going on for you” EVERY time a woman shares a feeling of hers with you… ESPECIALLY if you don’t like it.
–Erin Brandt, CA

Own your crap but don’t let it own you. Face your own brokenness with honest courage and work toward being a person of integrity and honor for the sakes of everyone around you.
–Michelle

.let go of what you think manliness is and how you feel you should act and reach true self-confidence by focusing on relationships with the ones you love whether it be a significant other, family or friends.
–Carlos, 24, Provo, UT
My constructive feedback for MEN: Grow a beard
–Derek

Stop letting the fear of disappointment and the perceived notion that others will see you as a failure for trying and not achieving and start DOING.
–Jeff Taylor, Ut
Learn to understand and fulfill your physical, mental, and emotional needs so you can serve the people and commitments in your life.

–Ben, 27, Boston MA

We all need to embrace our societal addiction to pornography and end it.It is destructive in so many ways and sadly pervasive.  An acquaintance of mine posted on Facebook the other day about his long bicycle trip. He LOVES crusty European breads. His stop in San Fran had a pic posted that said “Bread Porn” and there was a pic of a loaf of crusty bread, made me sad! Pornography is no joke!

–Yazzymon

Don’t be so damn afraid of owning your power and to use it in accordance with your deepest inspiration.
–Joona

Treat the women in your lives like partners, not slaves or children.
–Pam Belding

Cultivate mindful awareness of your own suffering and have compassion.
–Gabriel Jessee

Stop settling. Find your purpose, your passion, what you deem best, and go for it, all the way.

–

Ron, 50, Lubbock, TX

Be an equal partner with your woman, loving and respectful — men are not supposed to be dominant and superior over women.
–Jacqueline

Stop settling for less than you really deserve because we are so worth it and we deserve to be happy.
–Randle Fox

Please, develop the character and skills to be direct and clear about who you are – out of respect for all involved.
–Susan Hodges

If a man can’t love other men, he can’t love the man in himself.
–David Cates

Read Mauareen Dowd’s excellent book “Are Men Really Necessary?” She covers both sides scientifically and fairly. The disappearance of the Y chromosome will leave us all with non gender identifiable bodies in the upcoming future. The human body continues to evolve, so don’t destroy your life by identifying with it; Identify with yourself and live YOUR LIFE. I am just breaking free of the yoke of my perceived “role”, which I was ‘successful’ at: it’s a joke, don’t fall for it.
–Roger, 64, Ashland Oregon

Accept responsibility for your actions. Your way does NOT mean it’s right. You don’t ALWAYS have to win.
–Pam

My constructive feedback for MEN is… “Real men get real!” Real men drop the facade and stop pretending to be who they are not… they connect with other men who are willing to get real… they deal with their past… and they do all that they need to, to discover and realize their destinies, which should always result in helping others succeed.
–Darren
My constructive feedback for MEN is to contemplate and re-discover the meaning of Fatherhood, to question themselves as to what is lacking in their relationships with their wives, children, and companions, and to launch out in a daring, personal enterprise of self-giving and commitment as true and manly Fathers.
–Firebrand9

Ask more; assume less.The feminine in women and in yourself requires the quest. Check in, with your own soul and emotional nature before you move; check in with me and my soul and emotional nature before making a move. Don’t decide for me, then resent me because you have failed to please me. Find your courage and learn to cultivate it so you may quest successfully along with me, because dominating, controlling and possessing me will never satisfy you. And you, pointing to me as your source of dissatisfaction is not an act of courage or power or control.
–Gina Vance

Follow two things; your heart and the directions.
–Daniel V, Denver, Co

Lean on Men, not Women
–Justice Marshall, British Columbia

Love. Practice love toward yourself first. Then learn to deeply give and receive love. It’s all there is.
–Jayson Gaddis, Boulder Co

Let those whom you love be free. Trust them and accept them for who they are. If they break your heart, accept the pain.
–Brent, 33, Portland OR

My advice for Men is: admit your fear – it’s what’s behind embarrassment, loneliness, bitching about your woman (or lack thereof), and your rage.
We all have it somewhere/somehow – and we are not brought up to admit it.
It takes courage to say I’m scared shitless, I need help, and I’m going to lean into this even though I’m terrified of failing. No-one got to be successful by running away.
The first step is the hardest, but every one after is a little easier.
It’s working for me, it can certainly work for you.
–Bill Lennan

“My constructive feedback for MEN is to remember that one of the gifts of your being a man is your ability to bring your masculine power into partnership with your connection to your heart (remember that?) to co-create a world that doesn’t thrive on separation – from our own essence or with the opposite sex.
–Geoff Laughton, Lafayette, Co

Words lie, heart doesn’t. Do what is yours to do as you understand it, irregardless of whether anyone cheers or not
–Domo

My constructive feedback for MEN is…
to rigorously discern whether they’re integrating their emotional/spiritual work from the inside-out such that they implode who they’ve known themselves to be, or they’re simply applying outwardly, via their actions and speech, all the self-actualization/new-age strategies, techniques, and vocabulary in ways that “look and sound good” but eventually betray the gap in full-out integrity: “awake” men who don’t wake up to this are sometimes scarier for me than men who haven’t consciously worked on themselves, because the “conscious” man is now better equipped to deny and defend that gap, which is where unconscious manipluation, domination, and other survival strategies still show up.
–Marj Hahne

Realize you have a choice in everything you do, and find a way to trust yourself.
–Diego

Stop dwelling on the mud that is up to your chest and look up to the people surrounding you and ask for a hand.
–Will Creates

The first thing that comes to mind is to keep the preditorary energy in check when interracting with women. And teach other men that predation (exploitation) of women is unacceptable in our society.
–A caring woman

Stop posturing and realize that owning and expressing (without collapsing) ALL emotions is part of being a man!
–Sandy Scotland 19, Toronto

Take responsibility for your own life – step out of what others expect of you and step into what YOU want from life.
–Jo Della Penna

Look at all the thoughts/beliefs that come up in your mind when you think of not needing support – and when you truly FEEL into them, how much fear is hiding under those beliefs? Reach out!
–Michael Vladeck, 36, Boulder, CO

You are good. You don’t have to stay angry at your father your whole life. Don’t forget the dreams you had for your life when you were a little boy.
–Josh Levin, Boulder Co

Start being painfully, brutally honest with yourself and others, stop hiding your secrets. Find others who can hear you and challenge you in your growth.
–Marcus Ambrester, Tennessee

Recognize your teachers when they show up!
–Rick Snyder, Berkley CA

Show vulnerability, it gives permission to those around us to do the same, men or women.
–Tad Hardgrave, Edmonton, Alberta

Stop living your life as a perception of others and focus on how you want to be seen as yourself.
–Travis Willis

Its the little things that keep love alive, like flowers on a bad day, a surprise dinner when she’s had a hard week. This is courtship and you should never stop courting.
–Callie Cox

this is pretty hard to comment on, i feel like its a bit open ended… i could comment on my opinion about contributing causes or my opinion about the most personally poignant manifest. Might be helpful if you could be a little more specific about what the statement should address…
–Monica Mungary

My constructive feedback for MEN is, be honest with yourself, and with the people around you. Tell us what you want, what you really want, not what you think you SHOULD want because you are a man and you are trying to be something your not, we cant always guess what that is. We will all be happier for it. Thank you

–Laura Kelly, 31, Hong Kong

Constructive feedback for men- Have a daily goal- and get it done before 11 A.M. You would be surprised what this will do for your confidence level, and how much you will change your world. I feel like as men we set too many long-term goals, and we get bogged down in daily activities. Having a daily goal and finishing it before 11 or noon even will… See More invigorate your day and resonate with everyone around you, and you will feel better about yourself, feel more productive, and others will notice.

–Jake Carpenter, 23, Lexington KY

Left a comment on your website: “My constructive feedback for MEN is a simple question: How well has that (whatever you’ve been trying in the past, making excuses, blaming others, blaming yourself, etc.) worked out for you so far?” This simple question has helped me jar some stuck friends out of a rut, at least for a moment, to help them realize that there are things they could change, right now, to better themselves; if they just let go of what has failed in the past.
–Matt Zimney, Fargo, ND 25yo

Answer “Thank you for telling me what’s going on for you” EVERY time a woman shares a feeling of hers with you… ESPECIALLY if you don’t like it. It makes a woman feel SAFE. So she can tell you everything. Having no barriers (of withheld communications) keeps our emotions and bodies more alive, more responsive (and more ready for sex!)
–Erin Brandt

Its the little things that keep love alive, like flowers on a bad day, a surprise dinner when she’s had a hard week this is courtship and you should never stop courting.
–Callie Cox

Be responsible and accountable for every action you take. You are not a victim, you are a Man, start acting like one. For me, in this moment, this means really paying attention to my finances and start working on my taxes.
–Tom Taber, 41 – Fort Collins, CO

More men need to hold to the commitments they make and move forward with them, rather than just letting idle distractions and pleasures sidetrack them. And more men need to powerfully know what they want and what they’re inspired to create in this world, and really go for it.
–Craig Peters, 25, Vancouver BC

To remember that you are not alone, and to be in need of support is not weakness or ‘gay,’ but rather a sign of strength, for when we are able to realize where we are limited and ask for support in those areas, we able to truly grow to new levels of awareness of ourselves, of each other and the world.
–Ian Shaw 24 boulder co

Our discontent with life is a direct result of hiding ourselves away from fears in our man cave. Life is happening right here and right now! Come out and take a step along with me into all we fear!
–Jim Bray

my constructive feedback for men is to take a long hard look at history and see the effects of the actions of the men who came before you. if the men who came before you raped and pillaged and looted, then handed down to you the spoils of that theft, do not accept it as “the way things have always been.” I think that we as men have essentially terrorized the globe, and now that many are fearing a reckoning day, we are trying to pass the buck. We as men, as a collective and as individuals, need to look at the the events that brought us to this point before we go any further. i am not saying that we should blame ourselves or blame another man, but that we should take an honest assessment of our society and our selves, and take full responsibility for our own mess. (this is both literal and metaphorical)- there is a tendency among men to throw our trash into a landfill- out of sight and out of mind, but i believe we need to start seeing that it does not just go away. the sneakers that we toss into a waste bin are not just rubber and cloth and leather. they are railroads and strip mines and child labor and toxic glue and aromatic polyamides. before that they were colonization and imperialism and slavery. this doesn’t necessarily make the shoes bad, or you a bad person for wearing them, but i think this realization should be a part of every decision made from this point forward.
–alex szyleyko, 28, pueblo co

My feedback for men is to get in touch with what you truly, deeply desire and find a path through the wilderness until you achieve it or die trying. What the world tries to offer you is never going to serve you or fulfill you – it must be found in the wilderness (both literal and archetypal). Seek mentors and bros – even if that means leaving the known, comfortable circles of co-conspirators that keep you from stepping up in life. No matter how much you love them, there comes a point where you have to acknowledge that the ones you came up with are not going to walk with you to the place your Mission leads you, but new men will come into your life who will walk beside you, guide you, even carry you… and perhaps eventually you will move beyond them too. Just be open to that possibility – your heart will know. Be willing to deconstruct yourself (vs. self-destruct) and rebuild from your core whenever you’ve accumulated too much crap that is no longer serving you and only hiding your light and your purpose – from you and from the world. Hold the deepest desire of your heart as your compass, seek out worthy mentors, and be willing to reinvent yourself when your map no longer matches the territory you find yourself standing in.
–Craig Filek, NY

My constructive feedback for MEN is to stop living your life as a perception of others and focus on how you want to be seen as yourself.
–Travis Wills

Stop pretending you know what you’re doing. It’s okay that you don’t. How could you?
–Jennifer Grove

My constructive feedback for MEN is….
Breathe..breathe deep..practise dropping out of your head (thinkingness) and get into your body (feelingness)…feel your feet on the ground connected, feel where your tight in the body and breathe through it until it loosens..then FEEL into your world and its women as they ARE and watch the magic
–Ian

My constructive feedback for MEN is….Open the door to vulnerability and feel love flow in
–Michelle

For Men: Do you just not SEE me? ;if you did you would know me. If you knew me, you would love me. Be honest and know what you want; please don’t play games.
–Salsayvonne

A lot of guys ask me what resources, other than Men’s Health or Men’s Journal, are out there for men. For me, those mags are great, but somewhat limited. Enter The New Man Podcast.  I will be interviewing the host of the New Man Podcast Tripp Lanier on February 19th.

If you haven’t heard of The New Man Podcast you’re missing out. Go there now and download it for Free on itunes, or you can go to Personal Life Media and download them episode by episode.

Tripp Lanier, x-rock star, and Integral Men’s coach is the host of this thought provoking podcast. Tripp is a good friend of mine and we are both extremely inspired to help dudes get off the couch and have the life they want. He has a unique way of combining humor and solid inquiry when interviewing his guests.

Podcasts are often no more than 25 minutes in length. Each podcast introduces you to a certain topic, then if you are inspiried to go further, Tripp’s guests give you more info that you can explore on your own time. In the New Man, the topics  range from personal fitness, dating and relationships, spirituality, finding your life purpose, to being a dad.

I was interviewed by Tripp over a year ago and we did a three part series about becoming a man. You can check it out here.

So, go download the New Man and you’ll immediately learn something!

Remember, on February 19th I will be interviewing Tripp in my monthly membership forum, which for a limited time is FREE. For those that appreciate Tripp and the work he’s doing, you won’t want to miss it.

To learn about the New Man Podcast and Tripp Lanier, join us for the call here.

At some point in your life, if you’re a guy, you’ve certainly heard the phrase “no pain, no gain.”

Well, what does it really mean? To some men, it means that if you don’t suffer, then you’re not going to get anything or get anywhere. Well, this is partly true.

My own interpretation is this:

The Pain

If you are the type of guy who stuff’s his feelings and pain of any kind, emotional or otherwise, then you are a “pain-avoider” and the “no pain, no gain” approach doesn’t really work for you. You’re saying might be “No pain, No pain, No pain.” But unfortunately you will still feel pain, even though you think you avoided it or got away with something.

So, my bias is this, Why not turn toward your pain whatever it may be and face it head on?

For example, let’s say you are getting sucked into the economic meltdown on the news everyday and it is becoming a real pain in the ass. The pain starts with an external trigger such as “bad economic news.” You now have some choices. 1) Turn off the TV or news 2) Pretend it’s not happening. Or, 3) turn toward the external trigger “bad economic news” and then, this is the crucial next step, turn toward what it is bringing up in you,  such as your feelings of fear or anger.

The Gain

But why do this? Because if you choose not to feel the pain that you feel in relationship to most things in your life, you are cutting off a huge opportunity to “gain.” When you turn away, the only person that loses is you.

So, my strong suggestion is to man up and relate to your pain. Turn toward it, whatever it is. The external trigger of your pain could be money, a sour relationship, death of a loved one, a co-worker, your career, whatever. Next, feel the pain associated with the external trigger and see what happens.

Trust me, if you stay with it long enough, it will turn in to a big gain, but you have to turn toward the fire and stand in it. Another sign of a revolutionary man in the making—turning toward what is painful in life, rather than away from it.

Gain awaits. All you have to do, is relate to and turn toward your pain.

2009 is the year to Man Up to your vision and goals. But how? Let’s say you have a big dream and big plans for this year. But you often lack follow through or fail to achieve your goals. By now, a few days in to 09, you should be able to gauge if you’re being realistic with your goals.

Here are 5 key strategies to not backing down from your new year’s goals.

Step 1. Get honest. Be very, very honest with yourself. Just by acknowledging that you are NOT 100% behind your goal can help you achieve it. Is the goal you set coming from a “should” place?

For example, I’ve never been a “goal guy.” As soon as I set a goal, especially if I think I “should” do it, some part of me wants to break it. I have an inner rebel. It is likely that you do too. When this is happening, I have to admit I’m not totally on board. So, I change the goal, rather than stick with something I can’t get behind.

Most guys sabatoge themselves becuase they are not %100 bought in. Let’s say your going to hit the gym 5 days/week. You start out strong and within a few weeks, you loose steam and fall off the horse. So, while it is true that you want to achieve your new goal, it is equally true that some other  part of you wants to do the opposite–wants nothing to do with the gym, working out, and could care less about getting in shape.

Most of us are blind to the sabatour inside of us. If you keep coming up short, try a new strategy. It is likely that you have a big, unexamined blind spot in you.

Being honest with yourself, also means setting realistic, doable goals. Tony Robbins says change your “shoulds” into “musts.” This requires strategy number two>

Step 2. Have a clear vision and be relentless about it. Most guys don’t have a clear vision. They think they “should” get in shape as opposed to having a vision about why and what it would look like to be in stellar shape.

Sometimes, you may set a goal because you will get the praise of others. Let’s face it, other people have a lot of opinions about what is best for you. But ultimately, you are the boss of you, so set goals that work for your deepest inspiration as opposed to “shoulds” or other’s opinions.

Shoulds need to be examined thoroughly. Maybe behind the should is some wisdom that you need to listen to. Or maybe you just are not crystal clear in what you want.

Step 3. Micro-goals. Once you have a clear vision, set micro goals to help you achieve your bigger goal. If your overall goal is to run a marathon, obviously you need to work up to 26.2 miles, right? Set weekly and monthly goals, check them off and check in with your Man Up buddy.

Step 4. Accountability. Ask a friend to hold you accountable to what you say you are going to do. This is your Man Up buddy.

We let ourselves off the hook much too often and we often have great reasons why we don’t need to hit the gym today. A good trustworthy friend won’t let you off the hook and your commitment to him or her can be the factor that gets you off the couch and will have you keeping your commitments. This in turn leads to others trusting you and respecting you. You are walking your talk.

Go even further by committing in a group, make it known that you are Manning Up.

Step 5. Reward yourself. Each month or every so often, acknowledge your wins. Celebrate by having fun, taking a day off, partying or whatever is “celebration” to you.

What are your goals in 09? Who is holding you accountable?

My challenge to you as always is to stop holding back and make 09 a year of stepping up!

Allright guys,

As some of you know, I recently picked up boxing. What the? Why the? I’m not much of a fighter. Never have been. My first and last real fight was in the 6th grade with Corey Miller. My friends told me that it was a tie, which I think meant that I lost. Doah!

However, as a man I want to be able to protect my family. With what? My fists. But more importantly, and realistically, I took up boxing is to get fit.

For the past year or so I’ve been slacking in terms of my own fitness. I get injured a lot so I can come up with clever reasons for not staying with a regular  exercise program.

Those days are over for me. Taking care of my body and health is a top priority now. Boxing has been amazing for my level of fitness. I haven’t been this fit since high school when I was on a ski team and we did hours and hours of dryland training drills to prepare for the racing season.

My question to you is, why are you not pushing yourself in every area of your life? It doesn’t have to be fitness, but pick one area where you are holding back and do something about it.

I’d love to hear about your commitments and wins! In the meantime, check out this short video we made at the boxing gym.

In our previous post on Men’s Health, I discussed how some triathletes might not be as healthy as they appear. In this post, I discuss why making a buttload of money does not guarantee success or happiness. Most men know this one, but many try anyway.

Many “successful” men I work with admit they are not fulfilled. They achieve a lot of material wealth, feel great temporarily and eventually the “dread” slowly bleeds back in.

They have “outer” wealth, but lack “inner” wealth.

These guys might look like successful guys on the outside. They dress nice, act confident and bold, but on the inside they are wrought with tension, anxiety and even dread.  They cope by achieving more external gains such as more money, a trophy wife, or other “things.” The worse they feel, the harder they try to mask the pain inside.

Like the uber athlete, these high-achieving men, dominate their field (the business world etc), but struggle intensely in their personal relationships. They have made their inner world “off limits.”

High achieving guys who’s inner world is foreign territory will seek happiness and joy by looking for it outside themselves. So long as you just focus on outer wealth and neglect your inner wealth, you will be misaligned and only achieve half of the results you are looking for.

So, what are some signs of a man with fragmented inner wealth? Here are five:

1. you look for relief in the form of a dream vacation, masturbation via porn, a new lover, drinking a lot, or by making more money

2. you don’t let anyone “in”

3. you place all of your value on material things

4. you work constantly so as to avoid the rest of your life

5. you have some kind of health issue: heart, lungs, colon, prostate etc.

If you can relate to any of these, you lack inner wealth.

If you want to be healthy, feel at peace, and find true happiness, you MUST work on your inner wealth. You must be okay with who you are on the inside, including your faults, flaws and fumbles.

What’s the medicine then? If a “successful” guy is not fulfilled, then what should he do?

• First, ask yourself what does it mean to be  “successful.” Is it material wealth? Inner wealth?
• Next, ask yourself if you have any interest in getting your inner wealth tuned up and in line.
• If you are a yes to achieving inner weath, many more resources are coming your way.

If you want to have a bigger impact and have success on the inside as well as the outside, stay tuned for more…

Years ago I was a bit of an extreme athlete.  My body was pretty ripped and I pushed the limits, hard. I ran up and down mountains, climbed tall overhanging cliffs and mountain biked by moonlight. I made a ski movie and jumped off 60 foot cliffs often after my morning coffee.

On the outside I was a pretty in-shape dude. I got lots of praise for being so “fit.” But inside I was a bit of a mess. Every time I found myself in an intimate relationship I would bail out for a variety of superficial, lame reasons. Moreover, the harder I pushed myself, the less fulfilled I was. And the joy I felt never lasted.

What was missing? I was fit externally, but unfit internally. My “inner world” was foreign territory.

The future of men’s health is psychological health–”inner world” fitness.

Most men think being healthy means having a 6 pack or “eating right.” Most men also think that if a guy wins triathlons, he is a really healthy guy. But why is it that some triathletes are zombies emotionally. These guys could be just as pissed off or shut down as the guy who never exercises. I have worked with many uber athletes who are completely incompetent when it comes to relationship, just like I was.

This “common guy” approach to fitness is fine, but ultimately it’s pretty limited. If you want to be healthy and feel at peace overall, and you really want happiness and fulfillment, you MUST work out your inner psychology.

Men who’s inner world is foreign territory will always think that happiness and joy comes from the outside and will therefore always be looking for it in all the wrong places.  Dudes that are cut-off from their inner world are a bomb waiting to explode.

So, what are some signs of being psychologically out of shape? Here are four:

1. you are not that open to feedback from others

2. you are easily defensive or resentful

3. you are pretending to be happy

4. when someone asks you how you feel, your standard answer is “Fine”

5. you place all of your value on external wins and appearances

If you can relate to any of these, you’re out of shape psychologically.

So, what should you do?

• First, ask yourself if you have any interest in getting your inner world in shape. Is that of any interest to you?
• Next, ask yourself what is the impact of me being out of shape psychologically? For example, if you are indeed out of  shape internally, maybe that has an impact on your co-workers or partner. Moreover, it is likely that you surround yourself with people who support your psychological “out-of-shapeness.”

If you want to have a bigger impact and be a game-changing Man, consider working your most out-of-shape muscle of all–your inner being, otherwise known as your heart.

More tips to come in the following days…