Recently I helped resolve a big conflict between two people. It’s one of the most fulfilling things I do. We were all in tears.
So few of us have ever fully worked through a conflict with another person.
We don’t know how, and no one was there to help us through it. So, we learned to “be strong” or “not let it bother us.” We might have made ourselves wrong for making such a “big deal out of nothing.”
We might carry this self-minimization (along with the unresolved conflicts) into adulthood and keep telling ourselves we are “too much” “too sensitive” or “too needy.” Or we label our partner this way.
We justify our stance somehow by saying “It’s not that big of a deal.” And we might find partners that make similar complaints of us.
Too often we blame ourselves and our sensitivity when in reality our body’s upset is part of its intelligence.
We forget that our autonomic nervous system is there to protect us and keep us safe and that it can’t really distinguish between a real threat and a perceived threat. Each little and big hurt we experience is valid and is meant to be worked through, at least if we want to feel safe and relaxed again with another person.
The two brave folks who agreed to work through this interpersonal upset, found their way, thanks to the tools they are learning in The Relationship School®.
I was smiling in my heart knowing that I had a hand in teaching them how. I got to make a few tweaks here and there, but in the end, they were able to work through it because they were willing, present, and able.
They had acquired the tools, thanks to previous relationship pain and a longing, a genuine desire to invest in this part of their life.
These two people had a genuine longing to be seen and known and a willingness to educate themselves on what’s really required to work through interpersonal conflict.
Imagine if every person you knew had the ability to work through a relational challenge and get to completion and closure, together.
Picture that friend who cut you out of their life, that Ex that didn’t want to have a closing conversation, that parent that still isn’t able or willing to own their part…Now picture them “staying-in-relationship” with you until you reached closure…
…Both of you shaking with fear and tenderness as you went right into the hardest part of the conflict…Then being held through it until you reach the other side where you discover greater awareness and compassion for who you both are.
And imagine on the other side of your conflict you experience a greater capacity to love yourself and them, and the tears in your eyes confirm this powerful deepening process.
Next imagine that by working through your interpersonal conflicts with the people that trigger you most, the scared animal in you begins to “let down” and you felt safe and connected again.
Then imagine that your conflict, that you so badly wanted to avoid or run away from, brought you more in touch with who you are, who they are, and helped you become a more empowered, sovereign human being. And that on the other side of this big conflict was joy, gratitude and love.
Yes, you got to work through the real issue, which was hidden from your view, that was about your past hurts. You didn’t even see that most of it was projection and wow, are you free now!
And then what if, during the entire process, you were held in love as you worked through that extremely vulnerable moment, all around you were people witnessing you, cheering you on, respectfully giving you what you really want, which is to be seen and accepted as you are.
If this at all sounds interesting or compelling to you, come join the vunlerable yet powerful transformation you will experience in The Relationship School®.
What’s also crazy about this conflict is that about one month later another very similar conflict came up during our Relationship School® graduation weekend and it was worked through in about 30 minutes (no joke, in under 1 hour the activation was at zero and the two people were hugging). Again, everyone was in joyful tears, soon laughing and hugging.
Do you want this type of skill or the result in brings?
You can have it.
…these people successfully worked through their conflict because they learned how. They put in the work. They practiced. They faced their fears. They leaned in. They didn’t run away and point the finger or play the victim. They busted their ass for months so they could get this type of result.
Well. Will this be you?
Or do you want someone to do your conflicts for you so you NEVER learn how? Then you can stay helpless and small.
Hmmm. Victim or warrior? Which will you be?
Join the growth-oriented tribe in The Relationship School® and be one of the few who can work through any interpersonal conflict or challenge.
Not only could your partner, family, and friends use this future skill that you could bring to them, but so could the World.