To review, the three mistakes are:
E: Expecting him to be who you want him to be. When you expect your man to live up to your unrealistic expectations, he will disappoint you every single time.
Learn when is it okay to have expectations of him and when it’s not.
I get it. You want him to reach his potential, that’s why you love him. But this is hurting your relationship.
H: Hoping he will change and hoping your relationship will get better. I see this one all the time. Hoping everything will get better. Hoping your man will wake up one day with a grand epiphany that he loves you and wants to learn and grow alongside with you to make your marriage better! Not so much.
Using hope to improve your relationship is like hoping you make more money in your life or hoping you get happier—just with hope! That will get you where you are—frustrated, fed up, and feeling like a victim.
H: Helping him when he’s not asking for it. Ever try to stop an alcoholic friend from drinking every day? It doesn’t work and if it does temporarily, they are quitting for you, not themselves. The only way for a person to get sober is on their own. You can’t do it for them.
Your man doesn’t want help (at least not in the way your giving it to him). If he did, he’d ask for it. Treat him like a grown up and trust that if, and when, he needs help, he will ask.
Also, there is a much more effective way to help him, but more importantly there’s a much more effective way to help you get what you want–your connection with him, right? Sure, you want to help him, but let’s be honest, you want him back, you want him to connect with you, to meet you, to understand you. Yes?