JaysonGaddis.com https://www.jaysongaddis.com High Quality Marriage Advice Mon, 19 Feb 2018 19:30:46 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.4 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-JG-New-Headshot-32x32.jpg JaysonGaddis.com https://www.jaysongaddis.com 32 32 Where we teach you how to fight well, master communication, and take your marriage to the next level without compromising your business, family, or integrity. JaysonGaddis.com JaysonGaddis.com info@jaysongaddis.com info@jaysongaddis.com (JaysonGaddis.com) High Quality Marriage Advice JaysonGaddis.com https://www.jaysongaddis.com/wp-content/uploads/powerpress/logo.jpg https://www.jaysongaddis.com 78311619 My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection – Ellen Boeder – SC 152 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/how-to-repair-after-a-ruptured-connection-ellen-boeder-sc-152/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/how-to-repair-after-a-ruptured-connection-ellen-boeder-sc-152/#respond Thu, 24 Aug 2017 01:26:31 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21732

itunes buttonstitcher button

Fighting and emotional upset is just part of the program in a committed relationship over many years. But what separates the smart couple from people who really struggle is being able to repair well. In this episode, my wife Ellen Boeder covers why “the repair” is so critical in a strong partnership. It’s essential as a parent, so why would it be any different with your partner. Listen in to get a few tips on how to do this fundamental skill and learn from Ellen and me as we share from our own marriage.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • What does a good relationship look and feel like? [12:00]
  • Why feeling ‘safe’ is essential for a good relationship [13:00]
  • Why ‘I’m sorry’ is a bad repair-strategy [23:00]
  • What Ellen calls the ‘micro-repair’[25:00]
  • How to really listen to your partner after conflict without getting triggered [28:00]
  • What are some quick ways to reset the nervous system when words aren’t working? [35:00]
  • Ellen’s advice on conflict and repair for couples [39:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

 
 

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/how-to-repair-after-a-ruptured-connection-ellen-boeder-sc-152/feed/ 0 21732
Vetting A Future Partner – SC 151 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/vetting-a-future-partner-sc-151/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/vetting-a-future-partner-sc-151/#respond Mon, 21 Aug 2017 10:21:33 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21728

itunes buttonstitcher button

QUESTION:
I’m single and broken up with four months ago and have decided to take time out of the dating pool to get to know myself more, reflect on my last relationship and to enjoy my own company.
The thing is, i know that in the near future, I want a partner. What is your advice on choosing a partner?
To be more specific, I’m aware of the relationship process of the honeymoon phase, then the real partnership where you get to know the real person… Since in the honeymoon phase usually people try to be their best selves and not always their authentic selves, how can you identify these characteristics of growth and development mindsets, self-awareness, kindness, trustworthiness?
– Mariana from Mexico

SHOWNOTES

  • Mariana’s question [1:00]
  • What you can do to really get to know someone you’re dating [2:00]
  • Why do we hide parts of ourselves from the person we’re dating? [4:00]
  • How do you get a great relationship? [7:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/vetting-a-future-partner-sc-151/feed/ 0 21728
Advice For Single Women Prepping For A Partnership – Marni Battista – SC 150 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/advice-for-single-women-prepping-for-a-partnership-marni-battista-sc-150/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/advice-for-single-women-prepping-for-a-partnership-marni-battista-sc-150/#respond Sat, 12 Aug 2017 14:07:56 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21599

itunes buttonstitcher button

Here at The Relationship School®, we focus on the long-term relationship game.

But what if you’re ready for a relationship but can’t find one?

This week, I invited Marni Battista to help shed some light on how single women can break out of their comfort zones, start dating and find a quality guy (without repeating the same patterns over and over again).

Make sure to listen for her advice on how to get past the last 10% of unconscious patterns that keep most single women stuck in their comfort zone.

Here are a few of the highlights:

 

SHOWNOTES

  • How Marni became a dating coach [9:00]
  • Learning from mistakes and ‘bad dates’ [15:00]
  • How people get stuck in blame and attract bad dates [16:00]
  • How dating can reveal where you have unfinished self-work [24:00]
  • What Marni calls the ‘love shield’ and how it can keep you stuck [26:00]
  • The danger of quick-fix dating solutions [32:00]
  • Baby-steps for women who need to leave a bad relationship [44:00]
  • Does it matter how you date in the modern world? [36:00]
  • The trap of binge-dating and burning out [38:00]
  • The most common mistake people make in their dating profiles [40:00]
  • Should you tell your date your non-negotiables on the first date? [43:00]
  • Advice for singles who are dating [45:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Dating coach, Marni Battista, is the queen of making her clients irresistible to men and not just any men, high
quality men.  Marni is a certified professional Dating and Relationship Coach and Expert, writer, and nationally
recognized print and online magazine expert (Cosmopolitan Magazine, Yahoo! Shine, Huffington Post,
YourTango.com, CupidsPulse.com, Men’s Fitness, Glamour and more).  She has also had guest appearances
on CBS, ABC, and Loveline (filling in for Dr. Drew!) Marni’s weekly dating and relationship web show, “The
Dating Den,” has over 2.6 million views, and she was named one of the 10 Best Women’s Dating Experts by
@DatingAdviceCom.

 

 

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/advice-for-single-women-prepping-for-a-partnership-marni-battista-sc-150/feed/ 0 21599
Fear of Abandonment – SC 149 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/fear-of-abandonment-sc-149/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/fear-of-abandonment-sc-149/#respond Sat, 12 Aug 2017 13:20:11 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21595

itunes buttonstitcher button

QUESTION:
I keep running away from relationships with the opposite sex when they start to get close or use the ‘L word’, basically because I think I’m not good enough for them or they’d end up leaving me. I also find it difficult to initiate talks with other people – what do I do?
– Elias

SHOWNOTES

  • This episode’s question [1:00]
  • The irony in running away because you’re scared of being left [2:00]
  • Fear of being alone is human. Here’s how you can use it to build intimacy [3:00]
  • Working on your triggers around abandonment [4:00]
  • Owning your fear [6:00]
  • Dealing with self-worth issues [8:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/fear-of-abandonment-sc-149/feed/ 0 21595
Past Trauma In Present Relationships – Pat Ogden – SC 148 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/past-trauma-in-present-relationships-pat-ogden-sc-148/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/past-trauma-in-present-relationships-pat-ogden-sc-148/#respond Wed, 09 Aug 2017 21:43:36 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21483

itunes buttonstitcher button

Pat Ogden PhD is a pioneer when it comes to somatic trauma therapy. Her work has touched many people including me. Even if you don’t think you have any trauma, you likely have some living in your body that your partner will activate. In this episode, Pat has some great guidance to normalize and assist you in taking small steps that will greatly benefit you and your partner as you wade through the daily triggers of long-term relationship.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • What got Pat into studying human beings and trauma [10:00]
  • How Pat helped women who had difficulty experiencing sexual pleasure [13:00]
  • What is trauma? [17:00]
  • Why we see the ‘freeze response’ in people who were abused as children [19:00]
  • How childhood neglect can show up as trauma in adults [20:00]
  • What’s happening in the bodies of a couple who fights all the time? [22:00]
  • The pursuer and withdrawer dynamic in relationship [26:00]
  • Can we rewire our nervous systems together as a couple? [28:00]
  • The significance of the therapist-client bond [33:00]
  • What couples can do at home to work with their automatic nervous system responses [37:00]
  • Is there harm in retelling a traumatic story? [43:00]
  • Pat’s advice on embodying the self [49:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Pat Ogden, PhD, is a pioneer in somatic psychology and the Founder and Education Director of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, an internationally recognized school specializing in somatic–cognitive approaches for the treatment of posttraumatic stress disorder and attachment disturbances.  Her Institute, based in Broomfield Colorado, has 19 certified trainers who conduct Sensorimotor Psychotherapy trainings of over 400 hours for mental health professionals throughout the US, Canada, Europe, and Australia. The Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute has certified hundreds of psychotherapists throughout the world in this method.  She is co-founder of the Hakomi Institute, past faculty of Naropa University (1985-2005), a clinician, consultant, and sought after international lecturer. Dr. Ogden is the first author of two groundbreaking books in somatic psychology: Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment (2015) both published in the Interpersonal Neurobiology Series of W. W. Norton. She is currently working on a additional books: Sensorimotor Psychotherapy for Children, Adolescents and Families with colleagues and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy for Groups with Bonnie Goldstein.  Her current interests include developing training programs in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy for children adolescents and families with colleagues, Embedded Relational Mindfulness, culture and diversity, couple therapy (with Kekuni Minton), working with challenging clients, the relational nature of shame, presence, consciousness and the philosophical/spiritual principles that guide Sensorimotor Psychotherapy.

 

 

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/past-trauma-in-present-relationships-pat-ogden-sc-148/feed/ 0 21483
Is It Okay To Go To Bed Angry? – SC 147 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/is-it-okay-to-go-to-bed-angry-sc-147/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/is-it-okay-to-go-to-bed-angry-sc-147/#respond Mon, 07 Aug 2017 13:14:30 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21478

itunes buttonstitcher button

QUESTION:
What are your thoughts on the ‘Don’t go to bed angry’ rule?

SHOWNOTES

  • This episode’s question [1:00]
  • When taking a time-out overnight is the best thing you can do [3:00]
  • Rigid rules vs agreements [6:00]
  • How you can make agreements with your partner that leave room for flexibility [8:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/is-it-okay-to-go-to-bed-angry-sc-147/feed/ 0 21478
The Trap of Becoming Your Partner’s Therapist – Danielle LaPorte – SC 146 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/the-trap-of-becoming-your-partners-therapist-danielle-laporte-sc-146/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/the-trap-of-becoming-your-partners-therapist-danielle-laporte-sc-146/#comments Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:09:24 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21388

itunes buttonstitcher button

Ever feel like you’re tolerating shitty behavior, shouldering the burden of being the ‘therapist’ in the relationship, or constantly giving to others (and talking yourself out of your own needs)?

Valuing ourselves and having confidence in our boundaries is key to getting more of what you want and less of what you don’t want – especially in relationship.

Danielle Laporte is an expert at helping women find their ‘white hot truth’.  She’s got a gift for translating spirituality, self-help and ‘new age’ thinking into something more palatable for women who are growth-oriented and wanting more in their lives.

In this episode, we cover why it’s a bad idea to be the therapist in the relationship, boundaries, feeling inadequate (and the lies that the ‘new age’ world sell us), thinking that we’re asking ‘too much,’ how to value yourself and much more.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • Danielle’s story [11:00]
  • The difference between someone who learns from their pain vs someone who stays stuck [18:00]
  • How encouragement through childhood shapes who we grow into [19:00]
  • The trap of believing you’re ‘not enough’ and what Danielle calls the ‘Lie of Inadequacy’ [29:00]
  • The issue of inadequacy in relationship and what to do to counter feeling ‘not enough’ [36:00]
  • What is the “Spiritual Woman Trap”? [38:00]
  • Working with the inner-child to move toward wholeness [46:00]
  • Why boundaries matter to the growth-oriented person [47:00]
  • The ‘Poly movement’ – do open relationships work? [60:00]
  • Advice for men, women, and parents [66:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

 

CONTEST INSTRUCTIONS AND LINKS

1. Leave a podcast review and send in a screenshot
2. Be a member of the Jayson Gaddis Smart Couple Group on Facebook
3. Follow @jaysongaddis on Instagram
4. Comment on an Instagram post and send in a screenshot

5. Post a 1 min or less video in the Smart Couple Group (make sure the video is under 1 minute to qualify) telling us which podcast episode so far has been your favorite and why, and also why you want to come to the Relationship School Live Weekend.
– The deadline is midnight Saturday, August 5.

GUEST BIO

Danielle LaPorte is an invited member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100, a group who, in Oprah Winfrey’s words, “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters.”

She is author of White Hot Truth: Clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path-from one seeker to anotherThe Fire Starter Sessions, and The Desire Map: A Guide To Creating Goals With Soul – the book that has been translated into 8 languages, evolved into a yearly day planner system, a top 10 iTunes app, and an international workshop program with licensed facilitators in 15 countries.

Named one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, millions of visitors go to DanielleLaPorte.com every month for her daily #Truthbombs and what’s been called “the best place online for kickass spirituality.”

A speaker, a poet, a painter, and a former business strategist and Washington-DC think tank exec, Entrepreneur Magazine calls Danielle, “equal parts poet and entrepreneurial badass…edgy, contrarian…loving and inspired.” Her charities of choice are Eve Ensler’s VDay: a global movement to end violence against women and girls, and charity: water, setting out to bring safe drinking water to everyone in the world. She lives in Vancouver, BC with her favourite philosopher, her son.

You can find her @daniellelaporte and just about everywhere on social media

 

 

 

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/the-trap-of-becoming-your-partners-therapist-danielle-laporte-sc-146/feed/ 3 21388
I’m Sorry You Feel That Way – SC 145 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/im-sorry-you-feel-that-way-sc-145/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/im-sorry-you-feel-that-way-sc-145/#respond Mon, 31 Jul 2017 12:03:07 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21384

itunes buttonstitcher button

QUESTION:
I feel like I’m doing my part setting boundaries, communicating my needs and asking for what I want.  What else can I try?
I’ve done the work to learn how to express and articulate my needs, how I want to be treated, what’s not ok with me, behaviour that’s hurtful (very clearly with specific behaviours) and setting clear boundaries.  Some of the behaviours continue even though I’ve clearly told him I won’t tolerate it anymore. When I tell him how this specific behaviour impacts me, I often get a sarcastic “I’m sorry you feel this way” and he just doesn’t listen to me.  

SHOWNOTES

  • This episode’s question [1:00]
  • How does it feel to get ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ from your partner? [2:00]
  • How to diffuse the anger in a heated conversation [4:00]
  • Training your partner to really listen to you [5:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/im-sorry-you-feel-that-way-sc-145/feed/ 0 21384
Finding His Wife & Creating His Dream Relationship – Dan Doty – SC 144 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/finding-his-wife-creating-his-dream-relationship-dan-doty-sc-144/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/finding-his-wife-creating-his-dream-relationship-dan-doty-sc-144/#respond Wed, 26 Jul 2017 12:22:14 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21357

itunes buttonstitcher button

Want to know one man’s approach to calling in the one? How did he find his dream relationship? What exactly did he do? Then, how did he create the dream relationship even after it got really dark? Find out how to find and create a solid relationship through one man’s inspiring story. Once again we learn a lesson from a man who was willing to face himself and go work on what he needed to.

 

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • Dan’s story [4:00]
  • Tools Dan and his wife use when they’re facing challenges in relationship [13:00]
  • When to get help with relationship-trouble outside of the relationship [14:00]
  • How getting clear on what you want on an online dating site can help you meet your dream man or woman [19:00]
  • What Dan did to get himself prepared for marriage [20:00]
  • The danger of pushing your own values onto your partner [29:00]
  • What prevented Dan from bailing after two weeks of non-stop conflict with his wife [34:00]
  • How Dan got into personal growth and men’s work [39:00]
  • Dealing with stigma around men’s work [47:00]
  • How to bring spirituality to men’s work [51:00]
  • How a traditional ‘man’s man’ can relate to the more ‘feeling-centered’ side of men’s work [53:00]
  • The shift in men’s culture and the rise of personal-growth for men [57:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

I grew up in a cold, flat corner of the Midwest, safe and happy but very cut off from most of the world.  My early years were filled with hunting, fishing, football, physical labor on farms and in fields, and more heavy metal concerts than is healthy.  In college I started travelling abroad and 10 years of inner and outer exploration began.  I travelled all over the world and got in lots of pickles.

My career has been wide ranging, but the core of adventure and human growth has always held steady.  After college I spent over 600 days as a wilderness therapy guide and led groups of struggling young men up mountains, down rivers, and across frozen lakes.  Along the way I absorbed and learned a ton about the process of mentoring and what it means to be a man in our culture today.  Ever since that time spent in the wilds, helping guys live more real lives has been my obsession and mission.

My next chapter involved literally stepping out of the woods, taking a shower, and boarding a plane to New York City to start a completely new life.  I got a job as a public high school teacher in the Bronx and taught a group of amazing kids for two years as I earned a masters degree.  It was the most challenging and rewarding experience I’ve ever had, and I learned that I was a terrible academic teacher but affirmed that I was really good at developing relationships and mentoring young men.

I moved to Montana and began working with kids outdoors again when I got a call to be a PA on a wilderness based TV show.  I found a niche and launched a new career producing, shooting, and directing outdoor-based tv and film, most notably being a part of over 70 episodes of the hunting and food show MeatEater.  This incredible period offered constant travel to some of the most beautiful places on the planet and along the way I honed my storytelling skills through visual and written mediums.  It was a wild ride.

Today I live in Montana with my wife and son and too many animals.  I’m combining all of my experiences and am excited to offer experiences, services and media that all lead back to how men in our culture can show up in life in meaningful ways.  I believe that culturally we have created a situation for guys that rarely allows us to be ourselves, and I envision a world where we don’t have to hold back so much.

 

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/finding-his-wife-creating-his-dream-relationship-dan-doty-sc-144/feed/ 0 21357
Boundaries & Needs – SC 143 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/boundaries-needs-sc-143/ https://www.jaysongaddis.com/boundaries-needs-sc-143/#respond Sun, 23 Jul 2017 05:00:57 +0000 https://www.jaysongaddis.com/?p=21364

itunes buttonstitcher button

QUESTION:
Since a boundary of mine is about to be breached – again – does that spell the end of this particular partnership?
I’ve been lying to myself and my partner about my ok-ness with her quarterly 7+ day adventures with a supposedly platonic friend of hers. It took almost a year to figure that out and come to a place of acceptance with it. Last night during a semi-routine check-in conversation I was finally able to be honest with myself and with her that these trips, which started after she and I began seeing each other just over a year ago, are not ok with me – to the point of being non-negotiable. It turns out that I need my partner to have me as their primary adventure person.
In less than two weeks, my partner and this friend of hers are scheduled to embark on a 9 day climbing journey together.
– Alex, CA

SHOWNOTES

  • Alex’s question [1:00]
  • When people use spirituality as an excuse for not standing up for their needs [2:00]
  • How to find win-win when making requests with your partner [4:00]
  • The difference between setting setting boundaries with your partner and controlling them [6:00]
  • When is it best to take what we’ve learnt from this relationship as practice for the next? [9:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

]]>
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/boundaries-needs-sc-143/feed/ 0 21364