(303) 818.8411|jaygaddis@gmail.com

A Simple Responsible Communication Tip

By |July 29th, 2014|

A simple reminder when trying to work out a conflict with your partner. Use “I heard” vs “you said”

When you pretend like you know exactly what your partner said, it typically doesn’t go well. I find it preferable to say “What I remember hearing you say was….” Or “Through my filters, what I heard

Your Childhood Strategy to Get Love

By |July 25th, 2014|

We all have a childhood strategy or two that we play out as adults. Some of these got heavily rewarded, some of them just saved us from further isolation, shame, and hurt.

Just because you fixed things in your childhood and got rewarded for it, doesn’t mean you have to keep fixing things in your adult relationship life.

In fact, while being a “helper,” “fixer,” “rescuer,” or “hero” will garner you loads of

  • photo by  Ryan J. Nicholson, Flickr, CC
    Permalink photo by  Ryan J. Nicholson, Flickr, CCGallery

    Trying To Recreate the Honeymoon Period Could Be Hurting Your Relationship

Trying To Recreate the Honeymoon Period Could Be Hurting Your Relationship

By |July 13th, 2014|

When trying to “work on” a marriage, a lot of couples, or at least one individual in the couple, try to recreate the honeymoon period. But the honeymoon period you went through is over and cannot be recreated. Damn.

Why?

Because the honeymoon period, that most people call “falling in love,” is full of infatuation, fantasies, and

If Only My Partner Would…

By |July 10th, 2014|

This week I taught a very important webinar on one of the biggest relationship frustrations I see–wanting our partners to be different. And, these tools are critical to learn if you want to avoid hurting your relationship even more.

I answer questions like:

What if my partner and I don’t see eye to eye?
What if my partner and I are not aligned?
Can this relationship work if we

Another Reason You Need Your Opposite as a Mate

By |June 27th, 2014|

Let’s say one of us is very very emotional and dramatic, like, er…..the woman. And let’s say the other is emotionally shut down or indifferent, like um, say, the guy.

When the woman feels very emotional, the guy, due to his past upbringing that helped him hide his own emotions, will likely judge her as dramatic, emotional, moody, too intense, too much and he’ll pull away from her. Plus he may have had one parent (often mom) that was very emotional.  But what he’s really saying to

One Tip on How To De-escalate Relationship Conflict Quickly

By |June 6th, 2014|

Most of us never really learned conflict, right? Someone has to

Owning My Part Is The Way Out of Any Conflict

By |June 4th, 2014|

What makes intimacy tricky sometimes is that in your attempts to feel seen, heard, and known, (often what we most desire) you may take a risk and share who you are in a vulnerable moment. But instead of being received, you feel misunderstood, judged, and not really heard by me. Your share triggered me into my stuff and now I’m on the defensive, feeling blamed or made wrong for how you are feeling. Sometimes this can escalate into a long fight, or rift between us.

WTF just happened?

Well, I got triggered. My own past prevented me from

My Hero’s Journey Chapter 41

By |May 29th, 2014|

I’m preparing for another leg of my hero’s journey. This one has eluded me much of my life. This leg I’ve unconsciously put off for years. Or maybe not. Maybe I’ve just been gearing up for this one in my own funny way.

Because I’ve grown wiser I cornered myself and sealed the exits this time, so there’s no