A 2-hour Talk on Conflict with Q and A

By |March 14th, 2014|

While the sound quality is lame in this video, the content is super helpful and chocked full of excellent information for

Why We Attract Hurtful Patterns Into Our Lives

By |March 7th, 2014|

Most people are trying to regulate their nervous system from the outside. This is appropriate and normal. This is critical in infant development. As babies, we “attune” to our external environment. If the big people and our environment are safe, we feel safe inside. If it isn’t safe, we don’t feel safe inside. As we grow we attract into our lives the ongoing vibration of our own nervous system. So, if we are anxious, we attract more of that. If we are hypervigilant, we attract things that mirror or require hypervigilance. If we are

A Simple 4-step Method for Resolving Conflict

By |March 3rd, 2014|

Here’s a very brief method for starting to work through conflict. Much more can be found next

Boundaries–2 Kinds of Relationship Time-Outs

By |February 23rd, 2014|

There are many time-outs we can use in relationships. However, these two will take your relationships deeper because

The Most Common Relationship Issue Everyone Has

By |February 20th, 2014|

no one is above this

How to Really Listen to My Wife in 13 Steps

By |February 19th, 2014|

Each year I think I have it–I think i know how to listen to my wife.  But, as a man, trained in the art of “listening,” my knee-jerk reaction is to follow my agenda and where I want the conversation to go, where I want her to go, what I want her to see and do, and how awesome I am for helping her. I love to problem solve and help her have a breakthrough. None of which helps. Doah!

Disclaimer 1: I’m only talking about myself and my experience. I hope that she can write a response to my post at some point as it may be helpful to hear her take. Honey?

Disclaimer 2: I’m a typical guy. My default listening stetting is this: I’m listening from my mind. I like to Fix, problem solve, offer solutions and offer bright ideas to make it all better. This runs deep in me and most men. It’s interesting to note that I get

Six Critical Things to Know About Affairs

By |February 13th, 2014|

I’ve never slept with another person while in a committed partnership. However, I have had lame boundaries and an emotional affair.

Years ago, when I “acted out” with whomever I was with, it was always because of something going on on my side. It was never her fault or because of her. Did she have a part? Sure, but blaming her got me nowhere. If I want to move past this type of behavior, which is out of integrity for me, then I need to look within.

For example, I had an emotional affair once, and it happened because a core

Couples Need a Conscious Community

By |February 11th, 2014|

It’s my bias, that in a long term partnership, both parties need a small crew of support outside the marriage. The co-dependent isolated couple has no where to turn during the fight except to their partner. And, as some of you have found out thru your own experience, that’s complicated. It isn’t always effective or efficient. The person triggered by you, will struggle to support you in the heat of the moment. Yes, they can learn over time, but expecting them to show up for you if they are triggered by you will prove difficult initially. Going it alone during a fight is also limited.

Thus, we need community. We each need a pit crew to hold us during our