Couples Need a Conscious Community

By |February 11th, 2014|

It’s my bias, that in a long term partnership, both parties need a small crew of support outside the marriage. The co-dependent isolated couple has no where to turn during the fight except to their partner. And, as some of you have found out thru your own experience, that’s complicated. It isn’t always effective or efficient. The person triggered by you, will struggle to support you in the heat of the moment. Yes, they can learn over time, but expecting them to show up for you if they are triggered by you will prove difficult initially. Going it alone during a fight is also limited.

Thus, we need community. We each need a pit crew to hold us during our

For Couples Who Want to Learn Conflict

By |February 4th, 2014|

Ever meet that couple that’s been married for years that says proudly, “We never fight!” Um, yeah. That’s often (not always) a yellow flag for me. After I spend time with these folks it turns out that under their “polite” demeanor, they are afraid of the C word. While this couple can claim they have no baggage because they don’t fight, it’s more that they implicitly agreed to stuff the baggage they do have in the attic or the basement in service of keeping whatever connection they have in tact. This type of marriage is typically a bit stale or flat. Best buds and roomies.

It’s understandable why a lot of us behave like this, hold back, and avoid conflict since

Conflict-Wasting Time Fighting Over Who’s Right

By |January 26th, 2014|

Yet another few comments on conflict and how not to fight. Most couples get stuck claiming they know “exactly” what happened as they review why they are in conflict.

Exactly?

yeah right. watch this and please

The Value of Clearing Conflict with Your Partner

By |January 25th, 2014|

If a couple wants to unlock their relationship potential, and really deepen over time, they need to clear the decks and get to zero. Zero means nothing is under the rug, no more hiding, and all resentments and withholds are aired and cleared. Otherwise, they spend time getting tripped up by all the baggage that never got finished. Once a couple can burn it all to the ground and get to zero, they can actually see each other. Oh, there you are! Here I am! Wow! But in order to do this, there has to be inspiration, hunger, longing, desire. Or maybe loads of pain?

In trying to make a big shift though, we might find that our early attachment wounds and relationship hurts keep us in a state of

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    What it Looks Like When Parents are Connected vs Disconnected

What it Looks Like When Parents are Connected vs Disconnected

By |January 21st, 2014|

Epic parenting afternoon.

Not only did my daughter kick my son in the face, she then kicked me in the nuts (by accident).

Shortly after this, they got in a fight in the car, I pulled over, got super pissed, raised my voice, and wanted to break things. (I took a few breathes and repaired that one). Later my son burned his finger, and my daughter screamed at both of us. All through all of this, my daughter, bless her

My Take on Modern Mental Illness

By |January 20th, 2014|

Our current way of dealing with “mental illness” is exceedingly limited. Not only do we over-label, we over medicate, and most people, behind their masks, are hurting. Quality “solutions” are few. I wonder how many kids and adults are now medicated in this country and around the world? I’m not anit-meds since I’ve seen some very helpful results when used by a solid psychiatrist. But, sadly, when in pain, most folks are labeled, then given medications by doctors who are overworked, undereducated/qualified about the long term implications, and who are bought and sold by big pharma. Thus, people don’t get the real help they need. Because people prefer quick-fix, over the

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    How to Set a Boundary and How to Respond when Someone Else Set’s One

How to Set a Boundary and How to Respond when Someone Else Set’s One

By |January 17th, 2014|

So many of us struggle with boundaries in relationship. That’s why I gave a 2 hour talk on boundaries and co-dependency. Much was covered and so much more needs to be said.

Here’s another six minute nugget from the talk prompted by a person’s real live example in the audience. I’m sure you can relate.

How to set a

To the Guarded Hearts Out There..

By |January 15th, 2014|

If you don’t get a handle on some of your core relationship strategies such as the maze you’ve created to allow people into your heart, you’ll continue to drive people away. Some of us don’t want to work that hard to reach you. And, that might be what you need to do until you’re in enough pain to choose something different.