To me, the hallmark of a healthy, solid relationship is the willingness and ability to go into conflict, sit in the fire, and deal.
Here are a few basic points about men and conflict, then onto the process of working through it.
First, admit you are afraid
Most guys claim to be fearless and spend a lot of energy acting fearless about most things. But those same men are often single, unhappy, and terrified of relationship strife with loved ones. As I wrote in my rage post, men commonly respond to conflict either by blowing up, care-taking, or shutting down.
If you want to learn the art of conflict, first admit that you are scared of it. Go ahead and say it out loud. “I feel scared of upsetting _______.” Then you can learn to have the balls to tell the truth and be more fearless when it comes to conflict.
Commit to learning how to do conflict
If you want profound love, and to be a solid leader or community member, learning the art of relationship, specifically how to work through conflict, must be a central focal point of your development as a man. Go there.
Remember that conflict is hardest with the people closest to us
Because of what is at stake, we are challenged most by family, intimate partners, and very close (more…)
Sometimes it takes balls to start a men’s group and stick with it.
This is an inspiring story of a 20 year old guy in England who just wanted to start a men’s group to explore what it means to be a man. He put up fliers asking “Do you have balls?” to attract men interested in personal development and men’s groups.
Not too long after the fliers were up, he began to receive some intense feedback by women’s groups and other folks.
I don’t think anyone will argue that historically men have wreaked havoc on people, the planet and women. When we (more…)
The question of what it is we miss most in the opposite sex is a poignant one, and let’s face it – the opportunity to address it in the public realm doesn’t come along very often. For men, messages from women about what they want more of have, in the last few decades at least, often been laced with the darker shades of feminism, delivered as complaints or demands or that “what you do is never enough” thing. We want you to be more civil. We want you to express your feelings more. We want you to be more attentive. We want you to be more like us.
I’m one of those old fashioned gals who wants men to be more like men. Unruly, lustful, primitive, bold – however he might come. It is challenging for a man in this day (more…)
In my humble opinion radical personal development has one powerful process and its core.
Knowing and living this one gem can be the difference between the relentless self-improvement project and experiencing true joy, abundance, and fulfillment, especially for men who are habitually geared toward “improving” and “being better.”
So, what is this process?
That’s right. Love in every form. From self-love, to loving others, and even loving things.
“Loving” is the process by which we transform, evolve and open to greater and greater aspects of (more…)