If emotionally constipated parents are in a strained, or challenged relationship, the children will express what parent’s aren’t able or willing to. Powerfully sad but true, kids will carry the burden of the parent’s unprocessed baggage until parents choose to face it.
This is well known in family constellation work. In addition when one begins do engage in shamanic work within a family system, many family agreements get revealed, including very old generational agreements and blocks. Ayahuasca has been incredibly helpful for me in this arena.
To an unconscious parent who does little to zero work on themselves, children pick up the slack without even knowing it. These kids will then carry their parent’s unfinished business as well as whatever karma they are coming into the world with.
The committed parent can agree to “get it done” in this lifetime. Meaning, they can end the lineage of pain and suffering and really heal their lineage to make a clear (or clearer) pathway for those to follow–mainly their own children.
The classic sign that parent’s are “passing the buck” is when a parent finds themselves in a consistent power struggle with a kid, no matter the age. They have a dynamic where they “butt heads” a lot. Typically in this case, the child is unconsciously attempting to show the parent the parent’s unhealed material. And, in most families, the parents will simply shut the kid down, thus avoiding their own stuff. However, for the brave parent (or the parent that can’t take the pain any longer), they can “listen” to their child and surrender. This level of humility leads to a parent’s willingness to look at their own stuff, over and over until the dynamic switches. And, yes, it’s the parent’s job, not the child’s. Adults are the ones that must step up here.
I for one, am very committed to ending the lineage of abuse, neglect, shame, and ignorance. My son and I have an intense dynamic. When I find myself wanting to “win” some lame power struggle, that’s my sign that I am out of integrity. There’s more to look at. Fortunately, I also have a wife who is willing to call me out, when I want to look the other way or pass the buck. When i finally do face my own shit that my son is triggering, it’s liberating for both of us and our connection not only improves, it deepens.