SC 9 – Why People Have Affairs And What To Do If It Happens To You


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Affairs are so intense.

When I was 20 or so I cheated on my girlfriend. When I was 32 or so I had an emotional affair. In this episode I share more about what I learned about myself during those and then I discuss why so many affairs happen and what you can do about it.

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn:

  • how to deal with your emotions
  • how to move past an affair quickly
  • how strong people take the path of personal development and growth after an affair
  • why it’s important to look in the mirror
  • how to recognize the “victim” mentality and re-empower yourself
  • how fear plays a crucial role in causing an affair
  • why coming back into your heart is essential to preventing an affair
  • effective methods for dealing with affairs

affair podcast

For more information, visit and CONNECT with resources mentioned in this episode:

Six Critical Things to Know About Affairs:

https://www.jaysongaddis.com/2014/02/six-critical-things-know-affairs/

What Affairs Tell You About You and Your Relationship:

http://www.datingskillsreview.com/ep-56-what-affairs-tell-you-relationships-jayson-gaddis/

Why Men (And New Dads like Tiger Woods) Have Affairs:

https://www.jaysongaddis.com/2009/12/why-men-and-new-dads-like-tiger-woods-have-affairs/

[sc:savemarriage]

4 Comments

  • Ray

    Reply Reply August 13, 2015

    I just wanted a moment to say thank you. I’ve been searching for a year for somebody who thinks the way you do and has the knowledge to explain the process of how to get to these points. After two years of a continuous vicious cycle with my husband, just two weeks of reading your articles and listening to your podcasts has allowed me to regain my footing and my path. We are better than ever and I feel powerful and in control of my happiness. As well as finding my source of happiness within myself instead of trying to siphon it out of him. You’re doing great work and I look forward everyday to learning something new from your words. I finally feel like myself again. So again, thank you.

  • Ana G. Biele

    Reply Reply August 14, 2015

    This is very healing! In listening, I could feel old wounds being soothed as you went thru the ways to deal…the tools…being intact. Most Importantly “What am I offering my husband today?” It is very essential to know the difference between love and fear ~ resignation to the “commitment”. So good to be talking about the deeper layers in the relationship. It is a very difficult thing, as this communication resides in SELF WORTH and LOVE (yes, I DO deserve to have the relationship I want with this person). It’s been a deep wound surfacing all over our planet, and marriages/close relationships mimic the cosmos. Let’s be clear and move into the FUTURE creation <3 with an open heart to each other and especially our mate.

  • Brooke Hatfield

    Reply Reply April 23, 2017

    Hi Jayson,
    I really appreciate this podcast. It has a lot of excellent information. I do absolutely feel that it is so important for us to look at our own role in a partner having an affair. My husband of 25 years had an emotional then physical affair that just about flattened me. The betrayal left me feeling like nothing I have ever experienced before. I immediately went into full blame of MYSELF for HIS affair. I thought if I had been a better wife that he would not have strayed. I had so much shame that I was not able to keep my husband in the marriage. For me, the work was recognizing that this was his choice and ultimately I had no control over his choice. We all have choices we make everyday that keep us in our integrity and if our partner has an affair it is on them not on us.
    I do think there is a difference between cheating on your partner at 20 than a full blown affair after building a life together and having common goals and children etc together. The trust that builds is undeniable so when that gets broken it takes time to repair that. It is up to the person who has had the affair to STOP the affair and rebuild the trust with their partner. That can take time. I dont think putting a time frame of 30 days on the grieving process is at all fair to the person who has been cheated on.
    Again, I completely agree we have to look at our own contribution but I do urge you to further explore and fully recognize the damage an affair causes. You have said before if one person is not willing to do the work then you should get out of the relationship. My husband was ambivalent after his affair which did additional damage to the point I had to take care of myself and after 18 months of me pretzeling to be a “better wife” I finally filed for divorce. I have moved on and am now in an absolutely glorious, fulfulling relationship but I still have lingering pain over the loss of my marriage and betrayal from someone who I thought had my back. I can see my own contribution very clearly but I still have to work on not taking on HIS choices.
    My point in this response is I do think there is repair work that needs to be done before one can look in the mirror and I would have liked to hear a bit more emphasis placed on that.
    Thank you for all your amazing work. My partner and I love your podcasts and we agree with so much of what you have said. I am sure you will defend your position but i did feel it was important to point out these other points.

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