The New Masculine Paradigm

This is my quick take on the new masculine paradigm that is being born right now. The question is, will you step into it with me? This one is going to take serious balls and a big, wide, open heart. Let’s do it!

I can feel freedom and liberation seeping into my pores! Finally the kind of freedom I have been yearning for.

After watching the video above, watch the one below. This is me right after one of my meltdowns during the Men’s Leadership Training that I was leading recently. Yes, I said “meltdown.” You know, crying, sobbing and drooling on myself in front of 24 other men. It was a huge step in the right direction for me. But not just feeling. Being transparent and open whilst staying in the captain’s seat. I am finding a middle way here and I’m freakin’ pumped about it.

It was a liberating experience.

The world needs more men willing to be completely who they are, completely and utterly authentic and genuine, warts and all. My commitment is to “show you” how to be yourself by leading by example. This means that I continue to reveal more about who I am on this blog.

Be sure to read my previous post on WTF is happening to me for more information. Remember the two key lessons are 1) make mistakes and 2) be transparent and congruent.

I LOVE NOT TRYING TO BE SOMEBODY!!!!

23 Comments

  • Hokai

    Reply Reply May 3, 2010

    This is really encouraging. Good work!:)

  • Michael

    Reply Reply May 3, 2010

    Balsy, Jayson. Fucking balsy of you. I'm IN. I want to learn more about myself, and about what it REALLY means for me to be “authentic” and “show-up”. My heart is racing as I type this – sounds vulnerable and scary – uncovering areas of me that I've kept off-limits to the general public. I'm ready to remove ALL my masks. I'm IN. -Michael

    • Jayson

      Reply Reply May 3, 2010

      Thanks dude. Let's go further together!

  • Jim Bray

    Reply Reply May 3, 2010

    As a participant in the weekend's event, I cannot say enough about how impacted I was from my own experience around Jayson. For me, being there in his presence, witnessing his personal transformation, and feeling his truth around the depth of his love, was the most powerful experience I have ever had around another man in my life.

    His bravery in facing his own fears was inspiring for me and allowed for me to face my fears and trust in my path. I believe I would not have walked very far into my own path without that inspiration. What’s even more profound was the feeling I had about the tribe. He placed himself into a place of equality within the tribe, solidifying our tribe as an eternal family.

    The deepest truth around this experience for me is that I no longer feel as if I am walking my path alone. I now walk this path arm and arm with my brothers who I know love me just as deeply as I love them. Indeed, for me to only say, “I was transformed” is a drastic understatement of my own personal experience this weekend. It was profound!

    • Jayson

      Reply Reply May 3, 2010

      wow Jim. I love this. Thank you brother!

  • tomtaber

    Reply Reply May 3, 2010

    Jayson –

    I'm still amazed by the changes I saw and felt in you over our weekend. It was F%[email protected] ballsy of you to let go of the reigns on our training and your need to be “leader guy”. Everyone became a participant and we were all still being mentored and served. A simply amazing experience in a new paradigm for leadership and manhood. Thanks for making the leap and showing me what is possible. I'm more brave to push my edge and see how far I can take my life in positive directions.

    Much Love Bro,

    Tom

  • Jimmy Jones

    Reply Reply May 5, 2010

    This is great. Not really sure what else to say, or how to articulate what I'm feeling…

  • bensaffell

    Reply Reply May 5, 2010

    what up Jay,

    just watched the short video on vulnerability and think you are fuckin on point. in my opinion a true man and leader has the strength, confidence and faith to peel back the oniontype layers of dissociation, naievete and blatent egotistical denial that have built up over the course of an entire lifetime.. the difference between the norm and what you and I seem to believe is that most “old-style” leaders (the ones i have observed and at times have been) are judeged by theire ability to put on and TOUGHEN the layers of negativity and deciet in order to accomplish something important. FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE (or falsity with falsity) IS THE SOLE REASON THE HUMAN RACE HAS STUMBLED FOR THOUSNADS OF YEARS. Us observing now as a community the fact that freedom and development as a whole, or as a species, depends on moving inward is one of the biggest steps in human history. spread the ideas and equality AND LET ME KNOW WTF I CAN DO TO HELP. much love and respect man

    • Jayson

      Reply Reply May 5, 2010

      BOOM! thank you Ben. well said dude.

  • suu

    Reply Reply May 5, 2010

    ROCK ON JAYSON!! You're flooring me here with your journey and willingness to engage it with the doors open. Thank you. What you are doing makes it different for all of us.

    I am anxious for the time when this will be the case for men in a room together with women. I feel collaboration in the future…

  • Dano!

    Reply Reply May 6, 2010

    Awesome Jayson, I'm psyched to see your path! There's something in the air, and you're on the bleeding edge. I'm seeing more and more people in the public eye who have a competency in one or more areas, getting real and vulnerable and being authentic when they need work/help/etc in some other area. I'm working on this myself, and it's freakin edgy. It inspires me to see people doing this, and I really appreciate you doing it in as visible manner.

    Trust going up as a result of this does seem counter intuitive, but in my own experience I know that I don't have my shit together, I know that I'm working on it, I project that other people do have it together. When they open up I can actually connect with who they are rather than their mask or my projection. When I pay attention, one thing that makes people untrustable for me is not showing be what's really going on for them.

    Not everybody is there though. I wonder what it looks like to the people who do engage in your “old” paradigm. Is it weakness? I'm looking for to find out. My family freaks out if the masks come off and I'm working on the skillful means to be in relationship to them while being myself.

    Marshall B Rosenberg of nonviolent communication fame has a great story. He's working with some high power execs in corporation, an uber masculine environment where nobody is expressing an emotion. At some point he begins to cry, and the CEO turns away a bit. Marshall could have assumed that he breached the unwritten code of expressing emotions and clammed up, but he chose to be more vulnerable and ask the CEO “Are you troubled because you see that I'm crying?” The CEO replied “No, I was just thinking of my wife. I can't cry or express emotion and we're going through a divorce.” At the end of the day, isn't human to human connection and the chance to water our gardens all we really want?

    • Jayson

      Reply Reply May 8, 2010

      Brilliant Dano. Thanks brother. And yes, family members classicaly want to keep us in the box they put us in. But you never know what your heart and vulnerability model to them and may just give them the permission they don't even know they long for.

  • Bryan

    Reply Reply May 8, 2010

    I want you to know that there probably thousands if not millions of guys trying to follow your path without knowing what you are doing. For those of us who are sharing and learning with you, thank you, and for everyone else, may they somehow hit on your site and get the incredible inspiration it triggers… Let's keep going Jays and thanks…

    • Jayson

      Reply Reply May 8, 2010

      Thank you bro! I feel the support!

  • Ruthy

    Reply Reply May 11, 2010

    Hello Mr. Gaddis,
    i just want to congratulate and commend you for taking on the challenge you're describing. Fucking awsome. I'm rooting for you.
    p.s.- i'm really not a numbers freak, promise- but they've been really on my radar lately, and i couldn't help but notice your posts are 2:02 minutes and 1:11 minutes long. These are good numbers 😉 i'm finding they usually appear when things are on the right track.. that's me being valnerable about my new numbers 'thing'

    Anyways- thanks for being you.

    • Jayson

      Reply Reply May 12, 2010

      Thank you Ruthy! Love the numbers thing too!

  • ericdiamond

    Reply Reply May 14, 2010

    I respect what you are doing. I would imagine that you are aware of the ManKind Project–
    if not, please take a look–there are many men in MKP paving the way..
    We are dong men's work here in FLorida that is going strong. We need more men like you for sure–many blessings–
    Eric DIamond–Director, Gainesville Men's Center, and Initiated Man in ManKind Project–

    • Erin Brandt

      Reply Reply May 21, 2010

      Eric, I always knew you and I had a soul connection… from when we waited for the Jordan Glen Summer Camp bus. Then Bioenergetics classes you taught. Then a session or two with you.
      I do work with the Authentic Man Program here in SF, as a female coach.
      I found Jayson online as he blew me away with 4 crucial truths in ONE blog post. I contacted him, and he eventually referred me to Aaron Huey of Fire Mountain Programs, where Ian (who just turned 18) will be taking the Teens Rite of Passage this summer. Both Aaron and Jayson and the AMP leaders knock my socks off.

      Looking forward to more connections like this in the future with you…
      Oh, and a good friend of mine is Christopher Kyle in MKP here in SF.

  • Erin Brandt

    Reply Reply May 21, 2010

    Eric, I always knew you and I had a soul connection… from when we waited for the Jordan Glen Summer Camp bus. Then Bioenergetics classes you taught. Then a session or two with you.
    I do work with the Authentic Man Program here in SF, as a female coach.
    I found Jayson online as he blew me away with 4 crucial truths in ONE blog post. I contacted him, and he eventually referred me to Aaron Huey of Fire Mountain Programs, where Ian (who just turned 18) will be taking the Teens Rite of Passage this summer. Both Aaron and Jayson and the AMP leaders knock my socks off.

    Looking forward to more connections like this in the future with you…
    Oh, and a good friend of mine is Christopher Kyle in MKP here in SF.

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