Your Relationship To Money, Wealth, and Success

picture-23I can get real turned off by “money and success” stuff. In fact, it can be my least favorite topic. Notice how I haven’t written about money EVER?

However, at the same time, money excites me. Why? Because it is a working edge for me.

In this video Success Teacher Tony Robbins explores why so many people don’t follow through on their goals toward being successful and making money.

Before you watch the video I want to invite you to consider three questions:

  1. Does having money determine your success and wealth?
  2. What is your relationship to money and making money?
  3. What has you not follow through in relationship to your money/success goals?

Because I have so many past negative associations surrounding money and because I have struggled with money issues for years, I am committed to working through any and all money issues.

So, until I get my money-life handled, I look to other teachers who have their money game dialed, to help me.

Does having money determine your success and wealth?

Depends on what kind of wealth we are talking about.

Inner Wealth

I have what I call tremendous “inner wealth” but I am not where I want to be yet with external wealth. Both are essential for me. Many men can master one but struggle living both.

Inner wealth is being “rich” with your own internal landscape. Being at peace with oneself from the inside. Call it self-love, inner contentment,  and believing and knowing that you are okay as you are.

Take inventory of your own inner wealth. Ask yourself the “you” questions in the life inventory from my previous post here.

External wealth

Many men tend to focus on external wealth. How you look, how you appear to others, how much money you can make, the cars you drive, the stuff you have, the house you bought etc.

Men who lack inner wealth will tend to compesate by obtaining outer wealth. They build a mountain of it to hide the insecurities and inadequacies that lie beneath.

What would be possible if you had both?

Money and Your Relationship To It

In my work with men, it becomes very obvious which men have money stuff handled and which men do not. For example, I recently finished my Men’s Leadership Training and asked the men at the very end of the program to pay what they felt it was worth.

The responses and reactions varied widely. One man thought my fees and suggestions were “absurdly high.” Another man felt they were too low.

What I am learning is that the more we can get clear about money, our own worth, what we are willing to pay for quality services etc, the more free we are and the more flow and ease we invite into our lives.

Ask yourself– Do I really need to investigate my money stuff?

For me, I want to engage with the money conversation and get it “handled.” Why? So that it can support me doing my mission in life and allow me to spend time as much time with my son, wife, and friends, as possible.

What about you? What has you want or not want money? Do you want to keep up with the Joneses? Are you constantly comparing yourself to others? Or, do you push away money, judging those that have it, quietly resenting them and feeling self-righteous?

Either way, know WHAT and WHY you want to investigate.

Why Do I Not Follow Through?

From my perspective, there is no better time to engage in an honest conversation about money and what keeps you from obtaining it.

So, if you are interested in money and success, look to people you respect and money teachers.  I invite you to watch this 39 minute Tony Robbins video with two of the most successful internet marketers on the planet. One of these guys made $1,000,000 in one day online. WTF? (Watch the entire thing).

To me, more important than the money part of this conversation is the 4 step process Tony walks you through in order to achieve the success you want. He basically says two things:

  1. Know the WHY that drives you.
  2. Believe that you can make it happen and take action.

But, to really get it, watch Tony here. This is a must see if you have money and success blocks.

Again, I know the only thing at this point stopping me or getting in my way toward the success I want is my own limiting beliefs.

So try it on that you are the only person stopping you and consider making this commitment:

Commitment 7 – Finances

I commit to growing up financially. I will get my money shit together, which doesn’t mean focusing on how much (or little) I make, but rather on diligently uncovering the entirety of my relationship with money. I will learn how to be in conscious relationship to money matters. I will know the relationship between inner wealth and material wealth.

Resources & Suggestions


  • Duff

    Reply Reply August 28, 2009

    Not surprisingly, I’m a critic of Robbins’ latest marketing scheme.

    Robbins’ newest “reality infomercial” videos are celebrating the get-rich-quick gurus John Reese and Frank Kern as heroes, reframing their scams not working as the fault of people not having enough “certainty” and not taking action. This is a great tactic for distracting from the impossibilities of everyone “succeeding” in an extremely crowded market, and distracting from the highly manipulative sales tactics Kern, Reese, and Robbins use to sell products.

    If you pay very close attention at the beginning in the first video you linked to, Robbins implies that they were spontaneously getting together and therefore “we might as well film it.” Hmmmm….then why was there “spontaneously” a shot of the car driving down the road (camera #1), and two more cameras “spontaneously” in the backseat of the car ready to film *before* Kern calls Robbins to meet?

    This is the first of many bold-faced lies in the Robbins’ video. If he had not lied about the obviously planned nature of this video, perhaps the rest of it would be more trustworthy.

    Reese and Kern apparently are seeking Robbins’ “help” with a problem they have in their business, i.e. that their customers are lazy and negative and don’t follow through. The real problem is that they don’t have a business but a get-rich-quick scam. People buy their expensive products (Kern’s go from $2400-$3000) under high-pressure and only afterwards realize they would have to become a psychopath in order to pull off the marketing tactics Reese or Kern are encouraging. Even then their “success” would depend on an enormous amount of luck in the ever-crowed get-rich-quick make-money-online marketplace.

    This “spontaneous conversation” frames Reese and Kern as good guys who want to help their customers succeed so much that they’ve called on Robbins for help, thus turning all criticism of their products into a problem of motivation, which can be solved with their new product (which isn’t being sold yet but no doubt will be in just a few short weeks, thus perpetuating the idea that they are doing this for free just to help, that they aren’t selling you anything).

    A modest amount of money and success is a wonderful thing. Personal motivation, a positive attitude, and taking action are important to reach any goal. But treating get-rich-quick scammers as if they are leaders and heroes instead of greed-purveyors is upside-down and backwards. Ordinary coaches and therapists are much, much better for society than scammers like these.

    • jayson

      Reply Reply August 29, 2009

      Duff, While I appreciate your criticism and watchful eye, I would like to hear about your personal journey with money and success so as to benefit the reader from your own experience.

      I also don’t see Tony Robbins as a get rich scammer. The guy has literally helped millions of people through skillful means.

      The problem with ordinary therapists and coaches is that they often struggle to market themselves and end up serving less people as a result. Think of what could be possible if those same therapists and holistic practitioners new wound business skills and could run huge corporations. Wow. that would be cool.

  • Jason

    Reply Reply August 28, 2009

    At one point you seem to suggest that one’s feelings about something being over / under priced is indicative of whether or not they have their “money stuff handled”. I don’t see how that necessarily follows. Their reactions could just as easily be related to how the service is priced in relation to other similar services they have received, or their own personal budget / ability to afford such services. Maybe I am misunderstanding something here.

    Like the first comment, I am also a little averse to “internet marketing” programs which seem to promise a get rich quick.

    Overall thanks for the article though. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my relationship to money and these thoughts here come at a good time to help me think it through some more.

    • jayson

      Reply Reply August 29, 2009

      Jason, Good point about my observations of men thinking something is over or under priced. I notice it more in the way (the how) it is being communicated. If a guy is angry for example, it is likely he has some money stuff to look at. If he is not reactive but disagrees with the price, then chances are it is a clean and clear issue. It’s all in the “how.”

      And, I too am adverse to get rich quick methodology. Seems to play on the notion that many of us want to take the easy road.


  • Chris

    Reply Reply August 31, 2009

    Great contribution, Jayson, especially in current circumstances with so many people’s money and their relationship to money being a major factor. A great resource to further explore how we relate to money is Lynne Twist’s ‘The Soul of Money.’

  • Klaus Holzapfel

    Reply Reply September 1, 2009

    I believe we need to solve by ourselves how we want to make money, how we define success, if we whore out (see one of my latest blog posts) or if we stay true to our profession and our principles.

    How we make our money is at least as important as how much we are making. I just said no to a very promising business opportunity – simply because it violated one of my core business principles.

    I believe we set ourselves up for failure if we start to listen to any of these external voices promising us a shortcut to success. No matter if it is Tony Robbins or one of his million wannabe offsprings. I believe they should all vanish. Sorry but I am a total hardass when it comes to that.

    You’d make a much better motivational speaker than any of these guys – as long as money stays out of the mix.

    I did not watch the video.

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