17 Reflections on 2019

Each year, I’ve been getting in the habit of taking a day to reflect on my goals from last year and set new goals for this year. 

2019 was a very intense year. Wowzer. It was full of immense learning and maturation. I accomplished a tremendous amount and grew a ton. I also fell down and learned some hard lessons. I deepened my relationship with my family, took a course on race, diversity and equity for white people, trained and certified a lot of relationship coaches, wrote and performed 3 spoken words, strengthened our team, systematized our business a wee bit more, and lots more. 


I have a few takeaways I thought I’d share…Here are 17 lessons that hopefully serve you:

  1. Nothing is more important to me than fostering a secure attachment with my wife and kids, over and over. Our secure homebase makes everything else possible. 
  2. Raising 2 amazing kids continues to be the most important work my wife and I are doing
  3. Mistakes and failures are always learning opportunities. Easier said than done, But if you don’t slow down to learn the lessons, you’ll be more stressed and will continue to judge yourself. 
  4. Being a victim is temporary. When I’m a victim around something in my life, I can’t see straight. I’m too emotional. This is why trusted allies (who don’t just collude with my story) and effective tools are essential to have.. Dig deep and get empowered so you don’t have to stay a victim to whatever has occurred. 
  5. Leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about leading and putting the mission above my desire to have everyone like me. Be willing to be the hero and the villain. A good parent does the same thing.
  6. Moving fast has major downsides. Go at a speed that can be digested and integrated
  7. Fear is seductive. Be sure you have really good tools to work through fear. 
  8. With your inner circle, never turn your back on repairing after a conflict. There’s always a strengthening opportunity between you and the other person if you choose to stay in the fire.
  9. Overworking, overstressing- Don’t allow the busyness of life get in the way of your relationship with your partner or children or other close relationships
  10. Good friends and partners are champions for each other’s values. When people judge your values or want you to be like them, it might be time to let them go. 
  11. Spend in-person time with friends. In person social connections are increasing in value as we get more automated and as AI starts it’s encroachment on our lives. Cultivate those “in-person” connections. 
  12. Stay in your lane. Watch the tendency to compare and then feel less than. Stay focused on your own goals, aspirations, and results. 
  13. Know your weaknesses. For example, I’m not a great manager and that’s okay. 
  14. As Eben Pagan says, develop your weaknesses within your primary partnership or relationship, but learn how to farm out your weaknesses in business. 
  15. Money lost is wisdom gained if I don’t stay stuck in my victim seat. If I perceive that I lost money or didn’t make a certain amount, do the work to see that nothing was ever lost, it just came in a different form. Get the lesson the perceived “loss” was trying to teach you and you may see that you didn’t lose anything.
  16. My behavior won’t change until I decide that I will take consistent action to change it. It’s not up to anyone but me each and every day.
  17. Focus on what’s working. If you’re like me, it’s easy to see all the stuff I’m not doing or not doing well. To counter this, at the end of the day, make a list of 3-5 things you did well. Really let it in and receive the progress you are making.

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