Another Reason You Need Your Opposite as a Mate

Let’s say one of us is very very emotional and dramatic, like, er…..the woman. And let’s say the other is emotionally shut down or indifferent, like um, say, the guy.

When the woman feels very emotional, the guy, due to his past upbringing that helped him hide his own emotions, will likely judge her as dramatic, emotional, moody, too intense, too much and he’ll pull away from her. Plus he may have had one parent (often mom) that was very emotional.  But what he’s really saying to his partner is what his parents said to him as a boy, “your emotions and sensitivity are too much for me.” So, as long as he continues to roll his eyes at her emotions and withdraw, he’s internally shaming the boy in him and continuing to disconnect from that part of himself. Meanwhile, the woman might get the message that she’s “too much” and, like the man did when he was a boy, she might escalate or shut that part of her experience down. These are the seeds of angst, disconnection, and separation.

But they both need each other in order to grow. She needs him to remind her to temper her emotions, and he needs her in order to feel and emote more. And, in the face of not feeling loved as she is due to her emotional self, she gets an opportunity to love herself at a deeper level. The more he gets in his body and feels in an authentic way, the less he asks his partner to hold the emotions in the relationship.

It’s a great match. When they choose to relate to relationship as a path in this way and learn to see the other as necessary and beneficial for personal development, they are ready for the next stage of maturity and intimacy.

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