Beating off to Porn is NOT a Strategy for Long Term Success? (Guest Post)

This is solid, vulnerable guest post from my bro Marc Quinn in the UK. I am not surprised by how and why many men have porn challenges. To me, it’s a symptom of something else going on as well as how fucked up we are sexually as a culture. Some questions to consider while reading Marc’s piece:

1. What is underneath your porn behavior?

2. What would you have to feel and experience if you stopped jerking off to porn or even fantasy?

3. How can you not only stay in touch with your sexuality in a conscious way without porn, but how can you increase your sexual energy and use it for good?

4. What are the ways in which you let your culture dictate what is sexy, attractive, and a “turn on” to you? What are you going to do about that?

Here is Marc:

Men, let’s face it: We ALL have SOME charge with Pornography. I am not one for making grand sweeping statements like that, but I know that I am definitely not the only guy who tries to innocently peek inside the Adult Stores when the door casually swings open, and I am definitely not the only one who flicks back to the previous channel whilst channel surfing if I think I just saw a tit. However big or small, I am prepared to go on record to say that at least 90% of men have a charge with pornography.

For a little over a decade, I suffered from a devastating addiction to pornography. I have to be honest, it was not an every day occurrence. But for over ten years, I would frequent seedy adult sites, on average, every two weeks. I cried many tears over the years because of this. Why? Because the person I was showing to the world was not the person who would be sat up until 2am some nights looking for more and more intense pornography to satisfy my fix. I was, by all accounts, considered a very sweet and sensitive guy. Random strangers who would talk to me would often report back to my mother “Your son Marc is a lovely kid, so polite, and such a pleasure to have around”. Whenever she would feed back these compliments to me, smiling with that proud mother glow, I faked a smile and felt really awful about myself.

Going out into the world made things even worse. My ability to relate to women was strained, at best. I could not let myself get close to any woman in the way I truly wanted because I was too well-trained at objectifying the feminine for my own personal gratification. Women were objects. Worse, they were sex objects whose God-given purpose was to get me off. I knew this was a lie, but that knowledge would not sink in to the point where I could let go of that way of being.

It all came to the crunch one day when I sat down, armed with a pen and paper and wrote down every single fantasy I had ever had, my favorite images and why they turned me on so much (and what I was thinking when I saw them). I got it all down on paper over the space of two hours, with my face contorted in fits of tears. It was the most devastating, and most intensely healing release I had had in years.

Almost two months later, being clean for the longest time in years, I decided I wanted to help other porn addicts take responsibility for their porn addiction and start to get clear on what their feelings meant and what was even possible for them once they had let go of their addiction.

I have been a long-time spiritual seeker (hell, it was the only thing I thought to do when I realized I had to kill this addiction). Telling my friends was a difficult thing to do and yet as I started to share with some how much I had suffered, I remember a few years ago hearing some fans of David Deida’s work say they used pornography as practice to open to what was occurring – An Appreciation Practice! Looking into the spiritual and personal development community over the last few years, I started to see what I can only describe as a lot of spiritual white-washing and a lot of very standard ideas like “Porn is fine, stop beating yourself up about it, just watch and enjoy it” seep into online forum posts by people who wanted to bring it up as a serious discussion. Honestly, I saw this as being the most irresponsible way of brushing the entire issue under the carpet, with an issue as large as pornography.

Over time I gave this more thought. As of a month ago, after an engulfing pit in my stomach after beating off, I decided to stop masturbating altogether. Why? Because I started to wonder: What kind of aliveness am I missing out on if I have to beat the bishop every time an uncomfortable sensation arises? A few days after I decided to stop masturbating, I sat in my car going out of my MIND. Thanks to a daily meditation practice and a long traffic jam that morning, I had time to realize that this had nothing to do with “normal human sexual urges” but was me not being able to integrate something. I have recently started my own coaching program The Clearing via my own site and had been experiencing fear of putting it out there for all to see – and had subsequently sexualized that feeling to give myself a way not to fully experience that fear. As I sat in my car that morning, realizing that I was only trying to escape my own personal aliveness allowed these feelings wash over me like water off a dove’s back. Since that morning, I have had very little desire to choke the monkey.

Our society has been trained to sexualize almost every uncomfortable sensation possible. We are told it is normal to “clean the pipes” before going out on a date so that we can “relax”. We are also told that using pornography can be a healthy part of any relationship. What if those of us who have used pornography are actually missing out on “enjoying and playing with” that nervous sensation we ALL get on a date, and what if instead of substituting intimacy with our partner for pornography (does she REALLY want to watch porn with you, or is she just feeling helpless as to how to resolve the lack of intimacy?) were to allow us to experience a kind of intimacy that would open our hearts beyond what we thought possible.

So my question to you is: What is your relationship to pornography? And if you use pornography (however infrequently), if you were to treat these sensations as a point of inquiry, where do you see yourself completely missing the larger point of what the sensation is trying to teach you. As far as I’m concerned, beating off to porn is not a good strategy for living the life we love, and yet we tolerate it more than I think we should.

Marc Quinn is a late-bloomer with a heart that has never steered him wrong. He has engaged in men’s work of various kinds over the last 3-4 years and considers himself “the guy who likes to talk about things people don’t like to bring up”. His web site My Porn Addiction Story was launched a few months ago, for guys and girls who find it difficult to give up pornography, after he saw that most of the advice on Google was “crap”. He is intent on having more conversations about pornography by making them engaging, funny, and down-to-earth whilst providing people with the means to see their addiction as a container for immense personal growth. He often likes to sing “The Power of Love” by Jennifer Rush on full volume while he works.

20 Comments

  • brent b

    Reply Reply July 6, 2010

    So what you're saying is that when we watch porn we are doing it to avoid something… like a feeling. So, an uncomfortable feeling, when it arises, sometimes we sexualize it and beat off instead of dealing with and learning from the uncomfortable emotion. I would agree that that is true some of the time, but not all of the time. I was also thinking of how the concept could apply to drinking, drugs, gambling, procrastination, etc. Do you think that porn addiction is similar to those other addictions? Do you think there is a safe level of porn consumption, as there is a safe level of alcohol consumption or gambling? Or is porn totally different in some ways? Thank you for your work Mr. Quinn. Very thought provoking.

    • Thanks for your comments, Brent!

      I do think there may be safe levels, perhaps, yes. To reveal my own experience, I am a former addict. And like former alcoholics don't consume alcohol, I will not consume porn. I don't have answers to your questions, I have more questions for your questions 🙂

      Men gain a lot of gratification from visual stimulus. We love looking at things more than women do. It's evolutionary, I guess. But is there a way to make pornography use a healthy activity where the women are respected, honored and not used as objects…perhaps! In the mean time, it is very clear that we are NOT doing that right now. Just like development seems to occur in spirals, I feel as though our society needs some time experiencing some abstinence from the “sexual liberation” front for a while. Well, maybe just some people perhaps. Our human drives, some would say, are primarily sexual energies finding non-sexual outputs (following your purpose, going after a big goal). If there is one thing missing right now, in parallel to this, is that people need some time to go after these big goals and find different outputs for these energies from what they are used to – porn. That is why I emphasize finding what you care about in this work. If I had not gone on this search, porn would still be a huge problem for me.

      There was a big article published called “Porn on the Brain” recently, where they said that Porn Addiction mimics cocaine addiction in the brain. So yes, I think it is very similar to other addictions…

      🙂 Marc

      • brent b

        Reply Reply July 8, 2010

        I agree that consuming too much porn can train one's mind to respond to women as sexual objects. Your article brought this into my awareness; I do find myself excessively ogling the ladies at this time of year when the skimpy clothes come out, and I think this has something to do with porn. Not only porn though, but the sexualization of popular culture.

        I'm very interested in the concept of channeling sexual energies into non-sexual outputs. I first read about the concept of sex transmutation in Napoleon Hill's “Think and Grow Rich”, and it is still a mystical concept to me.

        Like one of the commenters said above, thanks for dealing frankly with such a taboo subject!

  • Gabriel

    Reply Reply July 6, 2010

    I myself am currently on a porn hiatus. After years and years of using porn to quell uncomfortable/bored moments I started to notice how I sexualized every single woman who crossed my path. Once I put an end to this behavior I noticed a more sensitive side of myself pop up in regards to the women in my life. There is still a good deal of work to do in this area as far as I'm concerned, and with the emergence of men speaking out about porn I definitely feel more comfortable being open about it.

    • Gabriel,

      I'm curious, are you talking to friends about your dealings with porn? I found that doing this was edgy at first, but was a good way to unveil the shame and guilt around our use. The more shame I deal with, the less I have urges. It has taken me a LONG TIME to get to where I can literally go online, with my face & name exposed, and tell people that I used to beat off every two weeks.

      Thanks for your sharing 🙂

  • noms

    Reply Reply July 6, 2010

    Really wonderful honesty, Marc, not only on your deep path to finding answers to difficult life questions/addictions, but also in saying you sing along with Jennifer Rush! You should also try Bonnie Tyler, Total Eclipse of the Heart 🙂 Jokes apart, I am so deeply, deeply touched by your brave sharing.

    • Thanks so much Nomali!

      I cannot tell you with how much conviction and passion I sing that song lol…Bonnie rocks my world too 😉

  • Kirk Hoffman

    Reply Reply July 6, 2010

    Marc,

    You're right on regarding the source of sexual escapist behavior. I think it has less to do with sex and more with using the 'high' of sexual stimulation to avoid feelings such as depression, hopelessness, despair, confusion and loneliness.

    My thought on masturbation is that it usually focuses on fantasizing about a person with which we're not currently having sex. So it's sexual objectification and, if in a relationship, mental infidelity (of which I'm not an innocent). I can't make either of those sound like a good thing.

    I've also come to realize, in the last few years, that my faith is centered around experiencing increasing levels of reality and decreasing levels of fantasy. Reality is where life's really happening.

    Thanks for broaching the topic and engaging in a necessary discussion. And thanks to Jayson for adding this into his valuable sphere of influence.

  • Toddsaed

    Reply Reply July 6, 2010

    Being separated from my Thai wife ten months a year , the temptation every few weeks comes, and having read it prevents headaches and prostrate cancer,and other things, for older guys especially, have little or no guilt, but the yoga and Taoist tradition recommend abstinence until spiritually resolved, and masters do miracles with retention, other facets are you may not be thinking of the one you really love, confusing your spirit life, as the young man here points out, not developing the energy to bring the spirit love to women and men, beyond sex, Rajneesh said sex is the rocks, spirituality the jewels , you need both, all in their good time, when young the Hindu tradition says abstain to make a good life , then when married the life of the householder will lead naturally to the final days of solitude, at 18 saw half a porn movie with a friend, so boring we left half way through, at sixty it seems really silly and a waste of time, stick with the classics or write one yourself, all that money wasted, when so many good people could use it, like militarism, corporate terrorism, all the oppressive isms, sexism, racism, all connected and porno one link, there can be beauty is sex, Tantric art, Japanese shugas, the Kama Sutra and all, commercialism isn't it, other sides are civil rights, free speech, and so on,
    so maybe it is a personal matter, some couples seem to handle it, but basically it is poor taste, and unconstructive

  • Peter

    Reply Reply July 8, 2010

    Marc –

    Thanks for sharing. Frankly, I’m not quite sure how to take this. The only evidence of real damage from masturbating and watching porn that you’re providing is your own personal torment and shame (which I’m sure is real damage from your point of view). But you dismiss perfectly reasonable points that both porn and masturbation are natural and/or benign as being irresponsible, without providing any support for that claim. There are certainly no negative health effects from either masturbating or viewing pornography. On the contrary – I think you’d be hard pressed to find a doctor or sexual therapist who would advise you against either. So I’m gathering from your post that the damage is peronal and psychological/spiritual/interpersonal.

    I won’t pretend to understand where you’re coming from. I personally don’t look at much porn – maybe 3-4 times a year (but who’s counting). I’ve got friends who do so on a daily (!) basis – they’re in healthy relationships, they’re in good shape, are good fathers, etc. Their view is exactly the view that you dismiss as irresponsible (i.e. “Porn is fine, stop beating yourself up about it, just watch and enjoy it.”). So, from a “damage” standpoint, I fail to see why you are right and they are wrong. They simply don’t have the associated guilt and shame that you have.

    You bring up the issue that our culture “sexualizes” everything – that may or may not be true. However a cursory look at the subject reveals that these issues are not unique to our culture, or our species for that matter (Ever seen the monkeys at the zoo?). If there is a cultural issue, it is the degree of shame that is encouraged around such behavior. Porn has been around as long as people have been able to draw. Masturbation, I can only assume, has been around since hands could reach genitals. While longevity and commonality is not a moral justification of this practice, I do think that it is evidence that this is not a western cultural anomaly. Rather a fact of nature – and a harmless one at that.

    Having been brought up very religious (Mormon, but not anymore), I’ve noticed that when the taboo of these subjects is removed, it also removes much of the allure and accompanying shame that people feel when they “sin.” In my Mormon men’s groups, porn and masturbation was *always* a focus of discussion. It was called, “a problem” and/or “an addiction.” In my current circles, it isn’t even a discussion point. And I don’t see ANY evidence that my current group of friends is any less noble than my Mormon group of friends. My religious friends are racked with guilt and shame about swearing, or seeing boobs in a movie too.

    I do respect your opinion. I do realize that I don’t understand what you personally went through, nor can I relate to the damage that you perceive it was causing. However, acknowledging my lack of understanding, I couldn’t disagree more with the sentiment that this is a serious problem. I personally have an open channel of communication with my wife – she knows that I jerk it; she knows that I occasionally watch porn. But we’re raising two kids and have better things to focus our energies on than whether or not we touch our own bodies, or see the naked bodies of other people.

    Sorry if this response sounds abrasive. Over my religious life I’ve been coached to death on point by point instructions on how to stop masturbating. (Including this entertaining link to a Mormon article on the subject. http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_markepeterso… ) That coaching, in my opinion, has created more issues than it has solved. It teaches (overtly or implicitly) that there is something wrong with making yourself feel nice. That if you want to divert yourself from your everyday life for a little while, you’re hiding from “reality.”

    There are many things that we do to entertain ourselves; movies, games, music, books, etc. Many of which we do to escape reality for a bit. None of which are bad. All of which taken to an extreme will have negative consequences on our relationships. Masturbation and porn are in the same camp of self diversion.

    Just my two cents.
    (Note that I do think there are societal issues associated with porn that are legit topics for discussion. But that doesn’t seem to be the focus here.)

    • Peter,

      Thanks so much for your perspective. Firstly, before I forget, I'd love to hear what you think of this article that has just been published this week: http://goodmenproject.com/2010/07/01/getting-off/

      What I wanted to say is YES…if it is made to be a conversation then YES there will be guilt and shame and everything else that goes with that. I was aware that my article would speak to some people, who are not happy with how much porn they consume, and those who see their 3-4 times a year usage as being acceptable.

      I think it's interesting what you said about your mormon men's group having the shame. It's funny to note the difference between that group of men, for example, and the men here who have gotten something from this and want to hear more about how they get over porn being a regular/frequent force in their lives. In short, I think there is a difference between being terrified to embrace a natural human drive (as in your mormon men's group), and wanting to transcend that way of being, but include that drive as a natural function of humanity (as some of the men here appear to gel well with).

      I don't want people to be ashamed of their porn use. One of the practices I put into my ebook was to STOP MAKING YOURSELF WRONG. Because we're human, and we all like a good fuck, and we all appreciate intimacy with other people. And you can't transcend that way of being without actually being OK that you were/are there. If you're afraid to approach it in the first place, like that group, then it's another story because you will pretty much be convinced you'll go to hell to embrace that which is totally natural, normal and really quite incredible.

      What I know is that there are a lot of men out there who beat off more regularly than they want, giving themselves a LOT of hardcore intense pornography on a frequent basis, and then walk outside with a shit-eating grin on their faces pretending they “don't really want to fuck you, but just want to be your friend”. It's that disconnect between the intense, driven “Gotta have it gotta have it” that we all get when we're feeling sexually frustrated, and pretending to be oh-so-very-nice out in the world.

      When masturbation/porn is presented as the only option to deal with an uncomfortable sensation, I personally think we're missing out on actually experiencing our fear, disconnect, anger, shame and thus leaving ourselves disconnected from others. This article is presented as a challenge to those who have that disconnect to get more real with themselves, accept that they're human, stop making themselves wrong or shamed for looking at porn, and give themselves an image to aspire to. For some men (myself included), using porn is like still playing with Action Man…it's time for a new toy to play with as we have outgrown it, and we're ready for something else that enlivens us, and has us be the fully sexual, fully enlivened beings we were born to be…

      Marc

      • Justinimaman

        Reply Reply August 2, 2010

        I love this response, Marc. This can apply to many subtle addictions that we brush off as being natural.

        I also wanted to add that everything is natural. Discerning between your own true nature and your primitive, unconscious nature is what this is all about. Thank you, brother, for bringing this into light.

        Justin

  • Yoganahata

    Reply Reply July 10, 2010

    So much said, I kinda sense there is a little bit of REMORSE and GUILT happening here. We think we are beings that have dicks and pussies, and thus seems that in order to procreate we must come together and fuck each other to comply. Lets face it; Who gets laid and gets the girl most of the time? Usually the good looking dude, unless there is some other guy that has Sense of Security regardless of his body shape. Women go for the flat bellies, and the fit body, but there are times when the gal goes for the not so cute guy, due that there is a connection and she´ll walk proud hand in hand with her ugly boyfriend, while we men would love to hide a woman that is not physically appealing to what is a turn on. So, while we are “wanting” something, the energy used is a lot more intense, than when we get it. Thus getting the girl means a lot of meetings, in which we men are checked whether we are fit to relate or not, as TESTS will be sent to us, from the moment we met. Doesnt matter if the gal is good looking, or so so, these tests are coming no matter what, just to see how in CONTROL one is of his emotions, and how he reacts to life in general. Detached, aloof, the better. So getting the girl is a lot of work, that may pan or may not pan out in actual getting laid. There is also the possibility of getting laid thru a hooker, but in this scenario, the girl wants the guy to cum yesterday, so release is hurried, lets lets lets… But then.. there is phyisical personal massaging your own goose. Let me ask u all men, who wouldnt want a great gal to come and give u a blow job, out of the blue just cause? And this is possible when PORN comes on, as sexual arousal is all MENTAL, and the eyes watching the sex ocurring, meatally prepares a guy for being sexually manipulated. But this takes away the POWER of a guy, and then it is harder for him to endure the time consuming to get the girl in the real. Masturbating is a great sport. U think u are adict because u see porn 2 times a week, and I am not an adict according to me, and I look at porn every day. When there is a gal that wants me, porn or no porn, she wants me, and immediately metally we are fit to go. The issue here, is not porn, but how do I get the GAL TO WANT ME? … SHE NEEDS TO WANT ME… and I need her to come to terms with that, without knowing me. So there are all these gurus that teaches men how to do this hunt (all of them really good looking dudes with money), and want to tell me that it is very easy to get the girl, because they get them, and they think they can teach others how to make the gal want the boy, in reality is very complicated, till I get to find a teacher that is not so good looking, and that has been in my shorts. Usually women dont give me the time of the day, I go out with my best buddy, he is really great looking, we are friends and he gets all the attention from girls no matter where we go, he gets the girl, and i get to watch it all occur. He gets the pussy, and I get to masturbate, inclusive sometimes me in the same room, the gal doesn´t see me, I can be like a ghost or wall paper, he gets the girl, I get to masturbate over the girl, even when the three of us could be all naked in the same room. I am not the good looking dude, I am lazy to go over all the steps to see IF, she wants me, my friend doesnt do any steps, he looks, she looks, a hello, and a simple question, are u free?, and lets get to it. That simple, I´ve seen it happening so many times, I go with all my alpha friends to a bar, I get to watch how the girls go to the boys and I get to watch how I dont get picked, and I get ignored… so I jerk off, what else is there to do, and I dont feel guilty, or remorse over spanking the monkey… its just life evolving. What there is to do, when the gals are the ones choosing, and I get never choosed… Masturbate is the way to go, so I am now proud to be a spanker. When the seldom gal picks me, they I get to eat the pussy, and I get to feel sex for a change, but this is totally off my control, unless I am paying for it. And when money is part of the deal, there is nothing tho be shared other than an empty dick with an empty pussy. I kinda like the IDEA of having a connection with a someone, and have lots of friends, and wait till that rare specimen show her beak in my veranda, and she wants me… then I am happier, than just banging the duck…. but in any event I am simply human, and masturbating is really great. SO DONT FEEL GUILTY… master bate!…

  • guest1

    Reply Reply July 15, 2010

    I have a question for you guys. Does a ejaculation lower your testosterone level afterward? I find that if I'm planning to doing something that requires a lot of energy like working out, but I masturbate first, I have absolutely no motivation to go. Does that have anything to do with a temporary lower testosterone level immediately after ejaculating?

    • I don't think it's necessarily that. I can't give you a biological explanation but I can definitely give you an internal phenomenological account.

      It's funny you ask this question and it's funnier that I'm answering right now. Every so often, I get urges to masturbate. Right now is one of those times. Whenever I feel into that, I notice that there is something there that has me not be empowered – and I want so much to NOT deal with that and so I look for my way out. Masturbating is my way I do that! Whenever I'm finished I do completely lose motivation as my body seems to go into “relaxation mode” and I just want to flop and “BE”.

      I don't know if it has ANYTHING to do with a lower testosterone level per se, as I've had feelings of being completely lifted up and highly motivated after a great sexual encounter with a woman – even right after ejaculation. My experience is that your state of BEING that you use to reach ejaculation is crucial. For example, I've noticed I have more energy and a better state of mind if I imagine making passionate love to someone, over beating off to taking advantage of someone and it being a lot sleazier.

      Hope this helps…

  • FIGHT THE NEW DRUG

    Reply Reply July 27, 2010

    Marc, We applaud you for being able to overcome your addiction on your own using extreme will power and motivation. We have found that most people have no idea they have a porn problem until it arises to a full blown addiction. Such addictions are extremely difficult to overcome on your own and often times require professional help.

    Thanks for sharing your story. It is good to start open dialogue on the subject of pornography. Too many people have no idea what the tangible effects of pornography are. Many people might admit that it CAN damage relationships, however, most couldn't tell you how or why. How is using pornography harmful? Does it have physical effects? Is it addictive like other hard drugs? Answers to these questions are becoming more and more apparent as our understanding of the brain and the way it works increases.

    This is new information to many of you. You probably had never thought of pornography as a drug. Most haven't. That is because we are only now beginning to understand the physical effects on the brain which then also effects us psychologically, and socially. The same natural chemicals (Norepinephrine, Dopamine, Oxytocin, and Serotonin) are released into ones body when looking at pornography and as with cocaine and heroin.

    More information regarding the science behind pornography addictions can be found on our website… http://www.fightthenewdrug.org

  • George Bhuoy

    Reply Reply July 30, 2010

    Indeed those are such strong points and statements. Just right to the spot. Splendidly discussed and empowered pieces of advice. Calling someone for a distraction can also be a very effective approach towards overcoming such addiction. And I think porn could somehow affect ones financial status directly or directly. Purchasing porn dvd’s that is out of ones budget is one matter.

  • Alex in Miami

    Reply Reply July 31, 2010

    I am a black man; former Marine Corps Sergent; some college under my belt and now live as a freelance artist. I have been married for 17 years now and have 2 kids aged 15 and 12. As normal as I seem, I feel completly odd when in forum's like this. Here's why: I JERK OFF A LOT and am not ashamed at all and feel actually weird that people on the internet, although anonymous and safe, feel GUILT about beating off and DARE say that it “is not a way to long term success”? Are you guys serious? I fuck my wife in the mouth, pussy and ass too inculde comming in whatever hole I choose AND like to jack off in bed while she falls asleep next to me after we finish. I can be jerking off in bed, about ready to pop, wake her up to load her mouth with sperm at 3:33am and she swallows it down and goes right back to bed! This way of life is common to me and I would think most men approached masturbation as such: just a part of your life. I have a hard 8 inch long 6 inch thick penis too and I am ALWAYS hard. I guess I am just lucky and I thank God every day. I hope most of you learn to be ok with jacking off. Women are secure with things like that and men can learn from them in this regards. Live your life guilt free! fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap 🙂

  • Jenny

    Reply Reply October 29, 2010

    Hi There!
    Just found this blog and am very impressed and thankful for all the awesomeness y'all are sharing! I am a woman, and view porn frequent (what's up with that?? lol) I've always tried to figure out why … I know I am very confused in terms of my own sensuous, sexual nature…and it's crazy how this post made me realize that I, as a woman, buy into the thought process of “women are sexual objects there for the pleasure of men” IT's probably because of this belief that I cant have an orgasm when having sex with my boyfriend … it's as if i am a porn star….performing for his pleasure. Wow! just realized this. ANyways…thank you SO much for sharing! Keepp it up!
    Much love 🙂

  • Jenny

    Reply Reply October 30, 2010

    Hi There!
    Just found this blog and am very impressed and thankful for all the awesomeness y'all are sharing! I am a woman, and view porn frequent (what's up with that?? lol) I've always tried to figure out why … I know I am very confused in terms of my own sensuous, sexual nature…and it's crazy how this post made me realize that I, as a woman, buy into the thought process of “women are sexual objects there for the pleasure of men” IT's probably because of this belief that I cant have an orgasm when having sex with my boyfriend … it's as if i am a porn star….performing for his pleasure. Wow! just realized this. ANyways…thank you SO much for sharing! Keepp it up!
    Much love 🙂

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