When You Feel Misunderstood

What makes intimacy tricky sometimes is that in our attempts to feel seen, heard, and known, (often what we most desire) we may take a risk and share who we are in an vulnerable moment to our partner. But instead of being received, we feel misunderstood, judged, and not really heard. Our share triggered them into their stuff and now they aren’t available to us anymore. Sometimes this can escalate into a long fight, or rift between us.

Of course, some version of this is what happened in our families. So, here we are again feeling wrong, or bad, frustrated and unmet. Now we might attack, shut down, or second guess ourselves (or the relationship), none of which are good options for our development.

How then do we proceed? Training. If this matters to us, we need to put our time, energy and resources into relationship development. And, when we don’t choose this for ourselves, we are choosing our childhood habits and patterns instead.

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