I'm At My Edge….And Scared.

fear of the unknownYup. I’m at my edge and I’m scared…

What’s going on? Well, I just announced the second Revolutionary Man Leadership Training and I feel like i just jumped off a cliff to my demise. But, I’m still falling and I’m unclear as to whether the chute will open…..Hmmmm….

Whenever I put some new vision out there I am putting ME out there. Right now, I am expanding. Into what? Into the next version of me of course. I am well outside my comfort zone in this moment. I’m in unknown territory. The landscape is new and uncertain.

Think of it this way and see if you can relate.

I’m deep into the wilderness, alone. Backpack on, compass in hand and a rough map of the terrain. No trail in sight. I’m bushwhacking into the unknown.

After a while I begin to feel scared. I want to find the trail that everybody walks. I want to go back to the known path. I want the freakin’ map dammit! (the self doubt intensifies) Maybe I’ll just head for the parking lot, get in my car and bail on the whole plan. Yeah,… just head home, settle down with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a good movie. Who needs this adventure crap?

Ever feel this way?

But no, I can’t turn back now. It’s too late. I’m too bold. I believe in something far more important than my fear. There’s no need to run back to home, to the known world. It’s choiceless to turn back. (Reminds me of the Napoleon story of landing on enemy ground and burning the ships).

Who am I again? And why am I headed toward the unknown?

Oh yeah, I’m an adventurer. I’m a trailblazer. I’m an explorer and the open road is my home. Being at my edge, scared shitless, following my heart, and not knowing what’s next.

Damn, it feels good to be alive.

But I’m scared.

So what? Be with the fear. Remember, to be scared is to be human. No need to take it so seriously. Now, remember why I am here and what I believe in.


Oh yeah, the two steps:

1. Just open to my fear and to my self doubt. Acknowledge it, be with it, breathe and then…

2. Get my head back in the game. Back toward what matters. Back to MY vision.

What am I scared of? Failure of course. I’m scared to fail. What’s the worst thing that could happen? I fail–no one signs up for my training.  B.F.D. as my friend Dave used to say, so freakin’ what?

The point is I am out on a limb with a training I believe in. Something I’m so passionate about I’d die for it. That’s right. Win or lose, fail or succeed, the very act of putting my heart’s vision out there feels awesome!

I teach men all the time about fear. Once again in my life I am being asked to walk the talk. I accept. Time to re-commit.

I commit to following my heart, no matter the cost. And I commit to staying connected to my heart. I vow to live with an open heart even if it hurts. (Read more here) (This is Commitment 10 of the 10 Commitments).

What about you?

I hope this serves to remind you to “be with” your fear, burn the map, stand tall, trust yourself, say “YES” to the unknown, and keep your compass bearing toward your heart’s vision.

Go for it.


  • Klaus Holzapfel

    Reply Reply October 15, 2009

    If I can’t walk my own talk then I am out of integrity. If I am heading to the unknown I better be up for it.

    It helps to have a few power bars in backback: One for self confidence when I need it. One for extra energy when I am exhausted. And a few more that will come in handy when I encounter other obstacles I let allow to grow in front of me.

    There are times for me to fill the backback and times to go on a new hike.

    Life can be simple when we focus on what really matters. Someone on Boulder tought me a lesson or two on that subject 😉

  • jayson

    Reply Reply October 15, 2009

    Thanks Klaus! So true.

  • Derek

    Reply Reply October 15, 2009

    Jayson –

    Good on you, bro, for speaking your fears and taking the leap. I’m definitely struggling with that (taking the leap), so thanks for re-affirming the importance of trusting yourself.


  • André

    Reply Reply October 15, 2009

    Grande Jay!

    Awesome! What an inspiration!
    Thanks for your hard work and lucky are the men whom will be in your training! I want to part of it myself!!!
    Please, stay on track (even if you don’t have a trail, a map or compass) following your heart. Doing it people will come and if thy don’t you are doing your part on healing the world by healing yourself.
    As always, you serve me tremendously with your integrity, clarity and honesty.

  • Art

    Reply Reply October 15, 2009

    Thanks for the reminder Jayson. This is just what I needed to read right now. Its easy to forget that your fear is potential power for the taking. And self doubt just lets you know your closer to your target. These feelings are often labeled as negative, but if viewed in the proper light, they are valuable indicators. Often when I’m dreaming, confronting a fearful situation often alerts me to the fact that I am dreaming and then I have the power to change it. I believe the same holds true for waking life as well.

  • Michael Vladeck

    Reply Reply October 16, 2009

    I love your edge, man. I’m consistently inspired by your courage, strength, and commitment to being open to it. It set’s the bar for me. You prove to the world that one can show up raw, scared and vulnerable and still deliver the power and strength of deeply connected purpose. It’s the only way, and you light it up. I have great gratitude for you.

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