Making Your Partner’s Emotions Wrong

photo by By nataliesophia, creative commons Flickr

photo by By nataliesophia, creative commons Flickr

“I’d like to say something to her without her freaking out.”

Why’s her reaction a problem? What’s wrong with your partner freaking out?

Most folks have it that the reason they hold back their truth in relationship is because their partner can’t handle it or will get too upset. Sorry folks, but the main reason many of us hold back is that we are afraid. Afraid of what? A few things, but mainly our reaction to their reaction. We are afraid of our own stuff that gets triggered when they get triggered. This is the enmeshed stance in relationship. “I can’t be me because I might upset you, so I’ll protect myself and withhold what I really want to say.” Meanwhile I rob them the opportunity to grow by not saying anything. So what if the other person gets upset? That is their problem, not yours (and, if we are on it, we can make space for their reactivity and love them through it). We have to learn how to be smarter and more courageous than this in relationship, especially if we care about being who we truly are, and especially if we really do love the other person. Let’s give them a chance and trust they can handle who we are. If they can’t, perhaps it’s time to move on.

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