The Way of The Superior Man is DEAD

The book I've had since 2003

The book I've had since 2003

Ever heard of the punk band “Kill Your Idols?” I love their name.  To me it speaks to how we need to differentiate from our teachers otherwise our view of them can become an impediment, or an obstacle that gets in the way of our own waking up process.

This concept or “teaching” is not new. There is even a website called Kill the Buddha after a well known Zen saying. This site sums up the concept here:

The idea of “killing the Buddha” comes from a famous Zen line, the context of which is easy to imagine: After years on his cushion, a monk has what he believes is a breakthrough: a glimpse of nirvana, the Buddhamind, the big pay-off. Reporting the experience to his master, however, he is informed that what has happened is par for the course, nothing special, maybe even damaging to his pursuit. And then the master gives the student dismaying advice: If you meet the Buddha, he says, kill him.

Why kill the Buddha? Because the Buddha you meet is not the true Buddha, but an expression of your longing. If this Buddha is not killed he will only stand in your way.

So, it is with mixed emotions, some fear, and some excitement that I share an important download I recently received.

Evolving men everywhere refer to the book Way of the Superior Man as the guidepost–a great read for any man wanting to step up his game. It was for me.

Originally I was disturbed by the arrogant title and I put off reading for over a year. Then, it kept getting mentioned so I acquiesced, bought it, and have referred to it for years.

I even joined a “Deida-style” men’s group based around the book. I recommended the book to dozens of men. I even attended his 5-day sexuality and spirituality intensive with David in New York. It rocked my world.

So, for the past six years David Deida’s book Way of the Superior Man has been a real authority for me on men, the masculine, and men/women dynamics. That is, until now.

It’s time for me to bury the book and declare this:

I am done with Way of the Superior Man. I milked this sucker for years and gleaned a lot. The teachings that resonate for me are in me now and I walk forward with them in my own way.

And now, I am burying the book and writing my own. A new men’s personal evolution book is long overdue. So, out with the old and in with the new. Stay tuned for it in 2010.

Thank you Way Of The Superior Man for your wisdom, love, truth, penetration, and insight. And thank you David Deida for writing a revolutionary book that continues to impact thousands of men everywhere. You taught me a great deal. I lay you to rest and bid you many blessings.

With love and respect,


p.s. Watch my book burying ritual here.

Am I recommending this approach? Only if you continue to put people or books “above you” and your own inner authority after you have thoroughly digested and integrated their system or teachings.

In the beginning, when we meet an important teacher or mentor, or read a powerful book, it is appropriate to “look up to,” aspire, and consume the material deeply as any devoted student might.

But a lot of folks just don’t move on. They continue to have a bit of “hero worship” thus disempowering their own journey. So long as you do this, it is unlikely you’ll be able to step into who you need to become.

At a certain point, you need to flap your own wings and fly.

As always, seek out mentors, teachers and things that inspire you. Then, think for yourself, and trust your own inner authority.


  • Duff

    Reply Reply November 21, 2009

    Now that’s something I can really respect. Very interesting that you literally buried his book (obviously a metaphor for moving on, but a powerful one).

    I have a few books I should bury too, or perhaps burn in my fireplace!

    • jayson

      Reply Reply November 21, 2009

      Thanks brother. I think burning or burying is appropriate when we differentiate from certain things in life. I appreciate your support.

  • Martijn Linssen

    Reply Reply November 21, 2009

    Great post, and decision!

    It reminds me of the following, written by a great man born as a slave, +/- 100 AD: Epictetus

    50. Whatever moral rules you have deliberately proposed to yourself. abide by them as they were laws, and as if you would be guilty of impiety by violating any of them. Don’t regard what anyone says of you, for this, after all, is no concern of yours. How long, then, will you put off thinking yourself worthy of the highest improvements and follow the distinctions of reason? You have received the philosophical theorems, with which you ought to be familiar, and you have been familiar with them. What other master, then, do you wait for, to throw upon that the delay of reforming yourself? You are no longer a boy, but a grown man. If, therefore, you will be negligent and slothful, and always add procrastination to procrastination, purpose to purpose, and fix day after day in which you will attend to yourself, you will insensibly continue without proficiency, and, living and dying, persevere in being one of the vulgar. This instant, then, think yourself worthy of living as a man grown up, and a proficient. Let whatever appears to be the best be to you an inviolable law. And if any instance of pain or pleasure, or glory or disgrace, is set before you, remember that now is the combat, now the Olympiad comes on, nor can it be put off. By once being defeated and giving way, proficiency is lost, or by the contrary preserved. Thus Socrates became perfect, improving himself by everything. attending to nothing but reason. And though you are not yet a Socrates, you ought, however, to live as one desirous of becoming a Socrates.

    • jayson

      Reply Reply November 21, 2009


      Thank you for the Epictetus passage. Awesome. J

  • Heinz

    Reply Reply November 21, 2009

    R.I.P. Way of the Superior Man!
    Thank you Jason for that post and the video which will be very inspiring for some guys. As I see you are on the edge to a next level or even have put one foot already on the next step.

    I agree that for our own evolution we have to kill our idols at a certain point to continue the journey.
    And still in my view it is not necessary to bury our idols, books and outer teachers, cos they could serve somebody else like they did to us. So I can recommend to read the book, to listen to a teacher as well to say “find your own way”, “trust your inner authority”.
    Some people may even not stay there where I am right now, “Way of the Superior Man” could be the next step for them. So I would give away the book to a friend or the public library, or just put it in front of the house for somebody to grab it, maybe with a note “If you are finished with this book and want to got further, then go on and pass this book on to a friend.”

    Most books where I learned from are still in my shelf and sometimes I take one out and browse in through, just to remember or I can borrow it to somebody. Some I do not get back, and if I do not remember to whom I lent it, than it do not shed a tear.

    What I find more challenging is to “kill” a physical teacher, who can not teach me anymore, but still I am very grateful for everything I learned from him.
    In my case it is my Buddhist teacher whom I found more then 9 years ago, he gives great teachings and for me he was the first personal contact to the spiritual world.
    Now I see that I can not learn from him anymore, that I grew out of the Sangha and found out, that my inner Guru is as powerful as the outer one. At the next opportunity I have to say it to him, and I am afraid to do that.
    And still, his teaching—like the books—can serve others like they did to me. So for some people I recommend to read a book of him, go to a lecture or visit one of his centers. For some it will be the same right thing as it was for me, some will hate me for the recommendation. What I want to do, is to open doors for these people who are willing to pass through and are eager to go deeper in the rabbit hole, and I can and will not decide WHAT door is the right for them. I just can speak from my point of view and report my experience.

  • William Harryman

    Reply Reply November 21, 2009

    Great post Jayson!

    I love the symbolic act of burying the book, and I really look forward to seeing the book your write. I too was influenced by that book, and like you I think I have moved beyond it – and I think the WHOLE men’s evolution movement needs to transcend and include its teachings.

    Peace, Bill

  • Michael J Emery

    Reply Reply November 21, 2009

    Ballsy and brilliant!

    I believe this gesture represents what is at the core of every individual’s personal development journey – integrate and transcend; repeat.

    Thanks, Jayson.

    [continue to] Be Amazing,


  • Joseph

    Reply Reply November 21, 2009

    I’m all for burning The Way Of The Superior Man, but can you articulate what it is about Deida that you need to move past (i.e. the limitations of his presentation of masculinity)? Or is this simply a strategic move that privileges your own inner authority, presumably with your planned book being the “new Deida”?

    • jayson

      Reply Reply November 22, 2009


      Good question. Remember, It’s less about Deida at this point and more about me and how I was using/seeing/working with him and his book.

  • Tripp Lanier

    Reply Reply November 22, 2009

    Congrats on following through, Jay. I’m most excited by the promise of YOUR book this coming year. I’m hungry to read and learn from you. Thanks for the inspiration.


  • Brent

    Reply Reply December 2, 2009

    I look forward to one day burying your book, Jayson.

  • James Matcer

    Reply Reply July 9, 2010

    “A new men’s personal evolution book is long overdue”

    Any updates on this ?

  • James Matcer

    Reply Reply July 9, 2010

    “A new men’s personal evolution book is long overdue”

    Any updates on this ?

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