To Some Divorced Parents

photo by j. gaddis

photo by j. gaddis

To some divorced parents:

Thank you to everyone who has gotten a divorce because they gave it their all and it wasn’t working. There’s a time to move on.

Thank you for not “protecting” your children because you think it’s better for them if you stay in a dead marriage and pretend like everything’s okay (kids are way smarter than that).

Let’s agree that on the big level, you have no idea what’s best for your kids in the long run. Some kids of divorce are liberated when their parents finally pull the plug. Others are devastated (and, there’s a spectrum of everything in between). Both are an important part of that child’s path and karma. Both are gifts and sadly one is more accepted as such than the other.

So, thanks for having the courage to put yourself first. And, if you are divorced and really smart, you know your relational patterns will follow you until you face them. And for the even more courageous ones, thank you for not blaming your X for your failed marriage. I always know when I meet a mature divorced adult whey they can acknowledged where they came up short, where they were blocked, and where they fell asleep while still holding respect for their partner.

We all have wounds. Welcome to the challenging path of relationship.


  • Matthew

    Reply Reply November 7, 2012

    Just like Louis CK says, no good marriage ends in divorce. Getting divorced was one of the best things I ever did for my kid.

  • Bob Munro

    Reply Reply November 11, 2012

    If I knew 30 years ago what I know now I would not have divorced my children’s mother until they were self-sufficient. I was giving my best back then, the problem was I didn’t know what I was doing.

    If my marriage is dead then perhaps I need to learn what killed it and what part did I play to kill it. What can I do differently so that the marriage flourishes? I know what’s best for kids, is for them to have their parents provide them with a secure and safe family environment. One that has both parent respecting each other and they set a good example for their children to follow. That takes work and discipline and knowledge, sadly most parents come up short in one or all of these areas.

    We are currently creating a society and culture where it is OK to walk away if you are not happy. This has created a generation, or two, of young people that are confused, angry, lost and don’t know who to trust or how to have a successful Long Term Committed Relationship. Anyone with a brain that looks at the statistics on the effects of young people from divorced homes knows that divorce is devastating.

    Not to say that some divorces are not acceptable and necessary would also be foolish. The vast majority of them could be prevented if the husband and wife had the knowledge and the tools to make them work.

    I’ve spent the last 24 years of my life discovering those tools and helping men discover them as well. After having been divorced twice, before the age of 40, I’ve now been with the same women for 25 years and life is great.

    For you to say “Thank you to everyone who has gotten a divorce because they gave it their all and it wasn’t working” is wrong.

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