What To Do If You Are With An Emotional Woman

I often work with men (who are afraid of conflict) who have no idea what to do with their woman gets emotional.

Some of you men misinterpret the book Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida, where he says something like standing there in the face of your woman’s wrath.

Some of you really think you are supposed to simply stand there and “take it” while your woman rages on you.

Not so much.

There’s a find line between being there for your woman’s emotional upsets and not tolerating hurtful language or behavior if it’s directed at you.

I doubt Deida means “take abusive behavior.

His teaching doesn’t mean you abandon yourself and look big and accepting, when just under the surface you are afraid.

It doesn’t mean you act “zen,” allowing her to dominate you when she’s acting out from her wound.

So here’s my take: Set a boundary. Don’t tolerate that shit. If she keeps doing it, leave.

But don’t leave before you practice stepping up, holding your ground, pushing back, and honoring yourself.  Set boundaries with her and make your own self-love/self-respect a higher priority than pleasing her (It doesn’t have to be masculine or feminine, just be yourself). Through you standing up for yourself, it’s possible she might stop treating you like a punching bag and face her own shit.

The bottom line is that your woman wants to feel your strength and self-respect. Sometimes she’s unconsciously testing you. You meet the challenge not by “acting masculine” but by respecting and honoring yourself.


You might also want to read The Straigtjacket of David Deida.


  • Jesse

    Reply Reply August 28, 2012

    hell yes, brother. A fine and much-needed reframe of Deida. It does seem easy to interpret his message in the stoicism that you describe, when the truth is that the feminine just wants to feel the unwavering integrity of the masculine, I think.

  • C L

    Reply Reply August 29, 2013

    Just read the ‘straightjacket of David Deida’ too & feel a bit confused about your position on his general stance…it was a great thread & I resonated with many who felt DD’s perspective of men/women, masculine/feminine too black n white, too ‘old paradigm’ & pretty limited in vision about who women really are….I don’t think you can categorise anyone into neat little boxes of expected reaction/response if you act a certain way in a relationship dynamic. It’s like trying to find the equation for love….it doesn’t exist because love isn’t like that!!! Stop trying to work it all out! Stop trying to create techniques to get laid (better) or more often! Start being a human being & see what happens….get beyond this obsessive duality of masculine & feminine….we all have both energies at different times. There’s a new doorway in consciousness, its open NOW if you want to step through it? You won’t get there if you cling to the old limited dualistic paradigm. Good luck & Peace!

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