When I’m in A Fight With My Wife

IMG_1092Sometimes when I’m disconnected in my marriage (due to a fight or whatever), I have an old habit of looking to my partner in order to feel okay.

I feel like a hurt kid looking for Mom.

I can spend a lot of energy reading her, tuning into her, and scanning her.

“Where is she at? Is she okay? What’s going on with her?”

And, when will she get her shit together so that I can feel okay? Ha ha.

Then, I catch myself and see what I’m doing….

I see that this is the very moment I need to be there for myself and the hurt young one living inside of me who is scared to lose connection.

By reeling myself back in and taking responsibility for my own disconnection, and the ways I participated in our disharmony, I seize the opportunity to heal, grow, and change an old pattern.

By pulling back into myself, I allow my wife the space she needs to go through whatever she needs to go through on her end.

This same space gives me time to sort through my side. I come back to me, my hurt, my pain, and I feel all of it.

Then! And only then, am I ready and available for the “we” connection.

If she’s not ready?

I relax and stay present to my experience.

Bottom line?

When I keep the attention on her, I get to avoid my own stuff and then look outside myself in order to feel okay.

When I look in the mirror, I get to feel whatever discomfort and pain is there, thus rewiring my brain another synapse or two, which leaves me, over time, less “run” by my habitual patterns.

Do try this at home…

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